What’s love got to do with it?

I’m not talking about Tina Turner. I am talking about just what exactly “qualifies” as “real love” in romantic relationships.

This morning I came across a documentary talking about love and how it affects our brains and how that then affects our judgment.

Studies have proven that when we feel sexual attraction for another and when that attraction turns to “love”, our brains create Dopamine. Dopamine is created in the ‘craving and reward’ part of the brain; the addictive part of the brain.

What fascinated me was when they conducted their research, they did an experiment that ended up proving that love, in general, has the same effects as a pain killer!

Women and men were hooked up to machines that caused a burning sensation; painful but, tolerable. The experiment showed that the level of pain felt changed dramatically when those same people were shown pictures of their loved ones on a laptop. Significantly!

Good ole’ Dopamine.

I took the remote control and turned off the TV as I stared out the window thinking…

If love is like dope…then, just how real is it?

And, when time spent with a person turns into less and less dopamine created…is that what we consider “falling out of love”?

We have all been there…the crack head to someone else’s essence…

Jonesing for a person who kidnaps and holds hostage your thoughts, while demanding the ransom of your heart and all rational thinking. We have all tasted the deliciousness of that first “hit” after being away for a while.

It has always fascinated me, watching couples that seem madly in love fall completely out of a love over night… all that “love” evaporating like a ghost.

I call it Casper love. When you wake up one morning and it has dissolved like Casper the friendly ghost and nothing you can do to conjure it back up and make it reappear.

Have we, as a society become addicted to the hot wasabi kind of experience that leaves us jonesing vs. the slow burn of a lesser passionate experience?

Less and less people are in it for the long haul. Less and less people are believing in ‘till death do us part”.

The definition of love has changed dramatically from my Parent’s generation to my own.

The lines are being redrawn every day and the neat, little box we used to trap love in has fallen apart.

If biologically we are made to feel high as a kite when we come in contact with a person we are drawn to then, are we all just love sick crack heads that have made up some desperate story called “ever after” in hopes of always being able to score?

At this point in my life, I look at love like I look at tequila…

You have your 7.50 a shot tequila and you have your $200 a shot tequila. Both make you feel the end result of what you are drinking it for in the first place…one tastes tingy and the other smooth as silk. One gives you a wicked hangover, the other lets you be. I guess it all comes down to what you believe you can afford. Same with love. Until you know your net worth is enough to cover the costs…you choose a cheaper watered down version of it.

 As I get more and more healthy and balanced in life, I stay more and more away from the hot wasabi kind of love experience. The one that sets you on fire…the one you can see from a mile away is going to end up wreaking havoc in your world…the Cuervo kind of love.

I have learned over time the temporary insanity that comes with delirious attraction to a person. I have learned to not act on it where as to not have to plead temporary insanity down the road of less than intelligent decisions.

But, I am also at a place in life where the slow burn of a lesser passionate experience doesn’t rock my world as much…

And so, at this point in my life, I choose to be single until I find common ground between the two.

I believe there has to be fire and there has to be friendship if it is going to work. A perfect alchemy of the two that feels like exploding firecrackers falling out of the sky… yet shows up night after night as reliable as the stars.

No one will ever be able to grasp the final and true definition of love…it is too expansive and ever changing. But, at least now we know…

Love is dope.

I guess that means that we are all living under the influence;).

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!

1. Coincidence…I am a believer.

2. Carne Asada tacos…

3. Making someone laugh out loud…

4. Making myself laugh out loud:)

5. How the birds downtown are so hip…they sing at night instead of the morning…

6. Tasting something for the first time.

7. My best guy friends who always have my back- I like to call them my Bootyguards:) When I am out, no man can get to me…unless I want them to…which is hardly ever.

8. Good tequila…it makes me smile and laugh and act silly:)

9. Trusting life…which requires trusting in change.

10. That my inner clock is forever stuck at 23 yrs old and always will be:)

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Me @ 3 years old:):)

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

1. The fact that it is National Tequila day!

2. Rumours East… it reminds me of a little place I went to in the South of France…just lovely.

3. Nathan Lee-Just heard this guy’s music for the first time yesterday- If you have not heard his music- you are missing a piece of your soul…

4. How my friends Kitty Kitty and Rosco are not afraid to suck the drip off of a wine bottleJ Well, maybe Rosco isn’tJ

5. Meeting someone new and instantly connecting with them.

6.That my good friend “Billy Bob” is on his way back here- I love me some Billy Bob…

7. The times when a Kitchen Deva possesses me and I whip up something so good someone should give me one of those “atta  girl” taps on the ass and call me chefJ

8. Hearing rain when it softly falls on leaves…there is nothing more peaceful- yet powerful than that sound.

9. Freedom

10. The words of Friedrich Nietzsche and Rumi… it is like they stick their finger in my soul and stir me until I am moved…

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

My birthday was yesterday.

I had a party on Tuesday to celebrate life.

In the light of events both culturally and in my little Universe, I was feeling extra grateful for the little things.

The moments, on this birthday, were like single grains of sand to me. No matter how minute in size? I noticed them all.

Like snapshots in time.

Maybe that is part of getting older.

I sat and watched my friends, how very lovely they are. They are kind, generous, successful, strong and open hearted people.

Just noticing how something has changed in me.

Maybe change is not the word, since it feels more like a returning to something I already knew on some level, but was not consciously choosing.

I want to love people for the way I AM. Not for the way they are or I need them to be.

Read that again slowly…

To love a person for the way I AM,  not the way they are or I need them to be.

Someone says something hurtful? Or disappoints in any way? Someone judges me or isn’t there for me like I would want them to be? At this point in my life, what does that have to do with me?

To love a person the way I AM…not the way they are or I need them to be.

Because I AM loving. I want to give a person the benefit of the doubt. I want to be generous in 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th chances. I want to be tolerant of differences. I don’t want to hold anything against another person. To make them pay for a mistake they have made, I don’t want to remind someone of their “faults” or “flaws”.

I want to love.

I always have. It is my insecurities from past crushes and blows that have kept me from fully demonstrating this in my life.

But here, on my 35^th birthday, I find a pure form of this- unadulterated and real- in the form of gratitude.

On this birthday, out of all my years, I received more love than I could take in.

In observation? I believe the reason for this is I have been more generous than I have ever been at any point in my life.

I have been generous of time, my smile, a hug, understanding, listening, loyalty, forgiving and acknowledging a person.

Generous with love.

Life is good.

Life is beautiful.

No matter how many hardships have appeared on my horizon, they have not compared to the thrill of being out to “sea”- moving forward.

The journey…

Love is beautiful.

So on this birthday I am happy for the fact that my shade of view isn’t Jade…

No, I am not jaded.

Shocking with all I have experienced.

I wish the same for you, as you read this-

To remember life is good, life is beautiful, love is the only true constant- when you love someone from how YOU ARE, you will never find a shortage of it.

Celebrate life!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

1.    When I am sitting at a large table at Starbucks writing this-this morning- on the phone with my best friend- and some woman comes up, oblivious that I am in the middle of a conversation, and asks (not very nicely) if I would be willing to move so her meeting can sit there- where I have been for one hour…first reaction? I am in the middle of writing and have been sitting here- where it is first come first serve-no way I am moving…2^nd reaction? I realize it is Friday and get up and do it with a smileJJ- Only good and giving things should happen on Friday!

2.    The feeling of Tequila going down the back of your throat and the warmth it brings to the depths of the soul-(courtesy of Crown Cherry).

3.    When someone tickles you and you laugh so hard you sound like a 5 year old little girl…even if you are a guyJ

4.    When I see people helping each other- even in the slightest of ways.

5.    The good mood I find most people in today since it is a three day weekend- or maybe it is the hot dogs…or ice cold beer…could be the fireworks.

6.    My BF’s family in Ocala- most loving and generous people – always greet you with a hug and a shot of tequila. Salt of the earth!!

7.    My life. Exactly where I am, right now. This moment of time when all my successes and failures I greet with a hug and kiss- like old friends- who have both equally been there for me to show me the way.

8.    This cute little dog I am sitting for someone- his name is Marvin Gaye- he always looks like he is smiling- which makes me smile every time I see him.

9.    When I feel- really feel- love in my heart towards a person- that warm feeling that spreads in my chest-and I can feel myself open- as if my heart is like a convertible that just slowly let its top downJ

10. YOU! I love you and thank youJ

HAPPY FRIDAY and HAPPY 4th!!!