Amy Venezia

 

 

I think I realize why 90% of society walks around practicing the art of deceit.

 

Self deception; when it comes to love; when it comes to intimacy; when it comes to the opposite sex and the pursuit of attraction.

 

Do any of us really want to know the truth?

 

I mean, REALLY?

 

I sat with one of my good friends last night as he talked to me about the nature of some men.

 

He was talking about himself at first and then turned it on me and what I thought about men.

 

He quizzed me as to what I believed the language of men…MENGLISH is what I call it…translates to.

 

I am pretty good at understanding men…better than most women.

 

However, what I have laser vision for seeing in other people’s situations…I sometimes fail to see when it involves me.

 

This little sabatager sits on my shoulder, whispering excuses into my ear that I eat up like candy, in order to keep what ever it is I want to happen jacked up on the adrenaline of “hope”.

 

My friend was pretty open with me…

 

  

He told me I am intimidating….”very intimidating” were his exact words.

 

I don’t get that. Yet, he is about the tenth of my guy friends to say so.

 

I am the most approachable woman on the planet, in my opinion. But I am starting to see there are opposing opinions to mine…

 

I asked him to explain himself…

 

“Well, for starters, you are always out with us…your guy friends…you automatically put up a barrier there.”

 

Well, duh!! I go out to have fun. Not to be picked up.

 

I am a woman! I could get action walking into a 7-11. It comes easy for us.

 

So, yeah, I like the buffer my male friends provide for me. Like my own personal booty guards.

 

He went on to tell me what I do for a living is intimidating.

 

Yawn…I am so tired of hearing this.

 

So… where it gets interesting is when he began to explain how guys think.

 

Some guys want options. A pot on every burner…

 

 

I get that; especially in the world we live in today. Doesn’t bother me.

 

So when that guy is checking you out or there is attraction there, sometimes it can’t be read into anything other than you are there….in the room…maybe one of the top 5 or 10 of the options to check out at the moment.

 

You are a piece of parsley to his plate.

 

You are appealing…eye candy.

 

Not the ribeye.

 

Harsh, yet true.

 

And sometimes you are the ribeye…just depends.

 

That was not new news to me. And I have never been a person that meets people at bars; ever…so this doesn’t shock me.

 

But it does explain that depending on the level of work it will take to get the fire started…well, that is what determines if sparks fly with a guy or not.

 

Come on baby light my fire…

 

Easy; and like water, will take the path of least resistance.

 

So, in comparison, guys wanna use a lighter…not sitting there rubbing two sticks of wood together like a cricket serenading a campfire.

 

Totally get that.

 

Then he said the mother of all truths to me…

  

“Amy, when a man wants something, there is absolutely nothing that will stop him from going after it. NOTHING.”

 

“But, what if….but, what if…but, what if….”- my little attempt at arguing against an absolute truth.

 

There is no but.

 

There is no level of intimidation, no level of shyness, no level of maybe you are unavailable, no level of fear of rejection…nothing that will stop a man from going after what he truly wants.

 

Any other belief is simply delusion.

 

And yeah, delusion helps keep hope afloat…but who wants to stay afloat in an endless sea of self imposed disappointments?

  

Men don’t play hard to get.

 

Men get.

  

In this day and age we are living in, lines are blurred.

 

Women, more aggressive.

 

Men, more lazy because of it.

 

But when it is magic….well, that is when you get to see that beauty of what makes men, men.

 

That male aspect that lays women flat…literally…

 

The conqueror.

 

If more women would realize they are worth the time and effort for a man to come to them, they would weed out the mediocre connections.

 

They would wait for the man who can’t help but step up to the plate…because everything in him wants to get in the game.

 

Not be a spectator.

 

 I understand that it is not that simple…that there are too many factors involved when it comes to human connections. It isn’t something that can be logically figured out and it never will be. 

 

 

But sometimes it is a good thing to get other perspectives. Even though those perspectives can’t possibly apply to every person or situation. 

 

Keep it simple…it doesn’t have to get that complicated~

 

 

Besides, if we could figure out what baffles us about the opposite sex it wouldn’t be nearly as fun;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

 

 

1. The sound an “on the rocks” drink makes…

 

 

 

2. That my 4 year old nephew still demands to hear Coldplay before he goes to sleep at night…

 

 

 

3. As cheesy as it sounds, hearing “Don’t wanna miss a thing” this week and smiling because in my 30’s,  I feel that way about life…not a man.

 

 

4. The Mahi burgers from Taco Loco in Laguna Beach, CA – Oh, how I miss them…

 

 

5. A full tank of gas, clean sheets, a just washed car…new beginnings.

 

 

6. That when my Mom and I were going back and forth in a conversation yesterday, my nephew looked at my Mom and said, “Mimi, Aunt Amy is right. Now, stop talking.” I have never laughed so hard in my life…

 

7. Dancing around my living room…:)

 

 

8. Having one of my friend’s say my back side is “ba- dunka- dunk” and that I actually took the time to go to the Urban dictionary to see what it means…

 

 

9. Hearing from my readers…

 

 

10.  Steak and frites and that soon it will be Rose’ time again…oui, oui.

 

 

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

 

 

Another year-

 

Another year flown by.  

 

Packed with learning, growing, laughter, pain, healed relationships, broken relationships, creations, disappointments and successes.

 

New Years Eve has always been my favorite holiday.

 

I spend it different than most.

 

Alone.

 

By choice.

 

When I was not a struggling writerJ, I would book a hotel room…order room service and champagne…make myself a hot bath~ and truly examine the year passed and what I want to create in the year to come.

 

I take the time to visualize my New Year- which to me is the most important part of New Years Eve and Day.

 

Oh… I miss those daysJ

 

But I can do the same with out the pampering this year.

 

I never really got getting so hammered at a party that you wake up on the first day of the New Year already having to account for lost moments and brain cells.

 

I went out this weekend for the first time in a long time. I am glad I did.

 

It was a good reminder.

 

I met friends out that I have known for over a decade. One friend who was trying to get in my pants then and ten years later? Still trying…

 

I sat there drinking my gin with St. Germain…

 

Thinking how some things don’t change. How did I find myself, over a decade later, having the same conversation?

 

I have come to look at people in my life as lessons.

 

Always presenting lessons.

 

Nothing happened between us ten years ago, and nothing happened between us this weekend- just the normal flirting and fun conversation.

 

But still, I have to look at the place in which I find myself.

 

Having to not only make that decision, but having to explain that decision to someone who doesn’t want to listen to standards or reasons…

 

There is this part of me that wants to throw out my stilettos and flirtations – and go on some kind of global trip where I don’t  wear a speck of makeup or have to say no to anyone because I am not being asked for anything. I am only serving and giving and learning.

 

I am tired of assumptions I suppose.

 

I am social, connected and flirtatious. I am sensual. I love to dress up and look feminine.

 

I like conversation and laughter. Good food, good wine, good music, dancing…

 

But I have standards. And I have discipline and convictions.

 

And at this point in my life, where I am single by choice and enjoying my solitude and personal growth, I just don’t want to keep attracting men that want something I am not offering.

 

Although, I am deep enough to take responsibility for what I am attracting in my life.

 

 

Seems to be two extremes in the single world-

 

Either, not getting hit on at all and feeling lonely and borderline desperate~

 

Or getting hit on a lot, by men who haven’t taken the time to notice that you aren’t even on the playing field.

 

It is an interesting time in the world to be single- with so many changes on the relationship dynamic home front…

 

Changes in the dynamics between men and women.

 

Just me thinking out loud as the New Year approaches…life is such an adventure and fun if you make it that way. Even the lessons…

How will you spend your New Years? And how closely will you look at your life over the year and make the choice for change?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh being single…

 

 

Just love it how people look at me sometimes like a stray puppy hoping and waiting for adoption.

 

As if my being “alone” mirrors back such fear in them…they just have to fix it.

 

 

Funny thing is? I love being alone. I truly do.

 

 

I am ok with being with me…I have learned to love the silence- not only love it, but allow it to cover me in a blanket of relief.

 

 

To some, silence is blunt and forceful. To me, it is soft and lovely.

 

 

I remember when it first came out to make “vision boards”…cutting out things from magazines and such and putting them on a board so you can visualize everyday what you want to create in your life.

 

 

I remember the looks I got from friends and some family when I cut out and put up my “dream” type of home.

 

 

It was some designer’s home…can’t remember who…but one of the straight ones.

 

 

Him and his wife had the main home- amazing bungalow type of open- aired home.

 

 

Then to the right of the property was “his” house. To the left? Hers.

 

 

Yep…they had their own little bungalows. Decorated the way each wanted it. 100% their expression. A place to go for solitude. For creating.

 

 

For peace.

 

 

My dream home…

 

At breakfast this weekend I sat with friends and we discussed a man who is wanting to meet me.

 

 

Over a bite of my omelette and a sip of my luke- warm coffee, I nonchalantly stated that I would love to meet him as a friend, but had no interest romantically or physically or anything else not resembling “friendship”.

 

 

My guy friend sat in front of me and with sweet smile said, “ I don’t understand that. How can you

 make that decision when you haven’t even  met the guy? What? You can tell through an email?”

 

 

Another sip of coffee, I looked up at him and said, “ I just know.”, as I shrugged my shoulders with a little smile.

 

 

“How???”- he asked.

 

 

I sat searching my thoughts trying to find words to explain an inner knowing.

 

 

Words failed me, until this visual came into my mind.

 

 

I asked my friend, “ You know how they train people to identify counterfeit money?”

 

 

My friend replied, “ Yeah, they give them nothing but real money to study.”

 

 

“Correct”, I said…” They give them real money to study so intently that they memorize every last grain, texture, symbol, smell… that is what it is like for me. I have known since my first breath the “real” thing.  Memorized every last bit of essence. I may not be able to show the real thing yet in my life, but I certainly know its counterfeit.”

 

 

 

I got kudos on that analogyJ Those are my cool friends, they get it.

 

 

Now,  I have made what some might view as mistakes- loving and giving my heart to counterfeits.

 

 

No mistakes…only lessons. Bringing me closer to authenticity…the real thing.

 

It is all a journey. And I embrace the mornings I wake up and feel cool air against my skin from the space all around me, unfilled.

 

As much as I enjoy the mornings I wake up and feel warm skin against me…(although I can’t really remember what that feels likeJ)

 

I love it how sometimes,  I am out with friends who are married or in partnership…some of them act as if my singleness is equivalent to an STD or something…spreads easily, …tabu…keeps coming back…as if it is gonna wear off on them.

 

Not all them and I have to say it really isn’t my close friends. More acquaintances-

 

I love it how I can share my single stories and see a flicker of life in the man’s eyes…like “ahhh the good ole’ days”…and yet see the fear in the woman’s eyes…like a deer caught in head lights.

 

Amazing how to some,  ” relationship”  has come to be a means to an end…

 

 

I spy…the TRUTH. How about you?