Amy Venezia

In this episode of VTALK radio- I discuss with my guest host, John Frazier, porn-metrosexuality and honesty…

Happy Hour talk…only 8 minutes long though:)

Like overhearing the conversation of the table next to you…it can get addicting.

Let me know you listened and what you think!

http://www.amyvenezia.com/radio-show/ (click on this link and then on the #1 track called Happy Hour)

 

 

BOREDOM:

·     the feeling of being bored by something tedious .

 

·     Boredom is an emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity or when individuals are uninterested in the activities presented to them. …

·     Boredoms (ボアダムス) (or, more recently, V∞redoms) is a noise rock band from Osaka, Japan. The band was officially formed in 1986 …

·     A chosen state of mind brought on by laziness and the firm belief that others are in charge of the so supposedly afflicted person’s own excitement …

 

So, I am getting my coffee yesterday,

And my cute Barista (I say cute because I know he is reading this, and well…he is cuteJ) asks me how my writing is going.

I explain to him I have a bit of writer’s block, which I am dealing with only in the way I know how, by ignoring it.

He suggests that I need someone to ask me a question that I can attempt to answer, hence moving through the block…

I ask him if he is volunteering the question to be answered.

He thinks about it and replies with this-

“The challenge I am facing right now in my relationship is a little boredom with it. What do I do about that?”

Hmmm… I grab my coffee- thank him for the subject suggestion and leave to go home and write.

Only to distract myself by calling my best friend to see what she is doing- a couple of beers and a frozen pizza later -I find that I am no further to answering his question than when he initially asked it.

Boredom, the root of all trouble.

Or maybe I should say the root of all change.

Let’s look at the definitions above, shall we?

Boredom- the definitions laced with words such as tedious, lacking, uninterested, laziness…

Oh, and a noise, Japanese, rock band- if only that could apply here.

What does a person do, once in a committed relationship, when boredom rears its little head?

And it will…at one point or another.

My first reaction is to look at it with complete logic-

When I get bored with anything else in life, how do I handle it to get a different result?

Well, let’s see…

When I am bored with writing, I simply put it down and walk away until I feel the draw back to it.

When I am bored with my workout routine? I stop going to the gym and opt for exercising outdoors.

When I am bored with a pair of shoes? I go and buy a new pair and eventually come back and wear the old pair again and viola’! I am no longer bored.

When I am bored with a drink, a type of food, a piece of clothing or hand bag… I simply stop, put it down and go on to something different.

One thing is for certain- in almost all the cases? I eventually come back to the old and enjoy it again.

Where did we ever get the idea that in every single other area of life it is normal to become bored and complacent, except in relationships???

Who told us this lie?

And who sprinkled that lie with a good dose of guilt and shame just in case we decided to question it?

If married or living with a person, we spend at the least, 10 hours of a 24 hour day with that person on average.

Tell me, who else, what else and where else do I spend that kind of time?

Besides work?

And we all know statistically how many people are miserable  with their work.

Resentful for having to fork over that many hours of a lifetime to something they don’t even love, much less like.

So are we supposed to just accept that this is the way love and relationships must be too?

And I wonder- is it men or women that become bored more quickly in a long term relationship?

Men have the natural hunter instinct- NATURAL- so when that is over and he comes home every day and she is just “there”- with no challenge or intrigue about it- where does he find excitement?

On the other hand, maybe women have it all figured out here.

You know how most women are rarely satisfied with the way their men are and are constantly trying to change them?

Maybe that is a woman’s way of almost guaranteeing a bored-free relationship.

Because chances are, the man is never going to live up to or change to the expectations set before him, and if he does? It is the woman’s prerogative to change them again… therefore it is always a “what if”…for the woman- a challenge- an unfinished, unfulfilled desire- which in turn is a constant underlined feeling of “maybe today”…something to look forward to.

Kind of like a cat and mouse game.

I don’t have the magical answers as to how to cure or even avoid boredom in a relationship-

Except for the common sense answer of taking responsibility in yourself for it.

The only way to cure boredom in anything is to switch gears and change it up.

There has to be change in order for boredom to go away.

Where there is change, boredom cannot exist.

I guess it depends on the individual as to how extreme that change needs to be.

Could be a simple slight shift in everyday routine.

Or less time together as to promote the absence makes the heart grow founder change…

Or, a change in activities.

Or, if you are a swinger, a change in partners-LOL…

 

To avoid boredom, you need to keep the change:)

What are your thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!         

 

 

 

1. My Bestest friend in Nashvegas, Crown CherryJ

 

2. Farmer’s Markets…

 

3. Naptime- loved it as a child, still treat myself to it once and a whileJ

 

4. The smell of a man’s clean, soap scented skin…

 

5. The smell of a man’s sweaty, just worked out skinJlol

 

6. When someone tells me they love me, I am old fashioned… I still like to hear the words.

 

7. When I have a dream that gives me some creative, semi -brilliant idea… as if the Angel’s were whispering in my ear… I love that.

 

8. Extra crispy hash browns from The Palm…

 

9. Ice cold beer in a can!

 

 

10. Watching a duck walk from behind…I can’t help but smileJ

 

Friday Happy!!!!

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

 

1.    When I am sitting at a large table at Starbucks writing this-this morning- on the phone with my best friend- and some woman comes up, oblivious that I am in the middle of a conversation, and asks (not very nicely) if I would be willing to move so her meeting can sit there- where I have been for one hour…first reaction? I am in the middle of writing and have been sitting here- where it is first come first serve-no way I am moving…2^nd reaction? I realize it is Friday and get up and do it with a smileJJ- Only good and giving things should happen on Friday!

 

2.    The feeling of Tequila going down the back of your throat and the warmth it brings to the depths of the soul-(courtesy of Crown Cherry).

 

3.    When someone tickles you and you laugh so hard you sound like a 5 year old little girl…even if you are a guyJ

 

4.    When I see people helping each other- even in the slightest of ways.

 

5.    The good mood I find most people in today since it is a three day weekend- or maybe it is the hot dogs…or ice cold beer…could be the fireworks.

 

6.    My BF’s family in Ocala- most loving and generous people – always greet you with a hug and a shot of tequila. Salt of the earth!!

 

7.    My life. Exactly where I am, right now. This moment of time when all my successes and failures I greet with a hug and kiss- like old friends- who have both equally been there for me to show me the way.

 

8.    This cute little dog I am sitting for someone- his name is Marvin Gaye- he always looks like he is smiling- which makes me smile every time I see him.

 

9.    When I feel- really feel- love in my heart towards a person- that warm feeling that spreads in my chest-and I can feel myself open- as if my heart is like a convertible that just slowly let its top downJ

 

10. YOU! I love you and thank youJ

 

HAPPY FRIDAY and HAPPY 4th!!!

 

 

 

 

http://vstreet.blip.tv/ (click on this link)

 

Looking forward to hearing your comments!

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

 

1.    Going to sleep at 3 am- yet waking up excited for the day by 7 am…

 

2.    2^nd chances…

 

3.    Sitting here every Friday- staring straight ahead in a trance- until I get 1-10 things I am in love with…

 

4.    My friends- my guy friends and girl friends- especially my guy friends- that love on me and hug on me and show me such affection…even when they know they ain’t getting anyJ

 

5.    The sound of running water- even if it is a trickle.

 

6.    When someone uses the word ‘tomfoolery”…it just makes me giddy when I hear it.

 

7.    When I run into someone who has in some way hurt me in the past- truly feeling nothing but generosity and compassion…that moment of realizing how freeing it is to let go of transgressions.

 

8.    A blueberry cake doughnut with coffee

 

9.    The fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve…a rare accessory these days.

 

10. Being a woman- guys, you will never, ever know how it feels to experience emotion as strong as the oceanJ A pretty powerful reminder of being alive.

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

 

I recorded a new VTALK for your listening pleasure…

http://www.amyvenezia.com/radio-show/  just click on Episode III

My guest host for this session is Mr. John Frazier-  www.capitalwealthpartners.com

On this show we talk about a plethora of topics…

Stereotypes men and women hold about each other when it comes to sex…

The movie “Hangover”…

How I believe a simple little visualization of going to a day spa can help women gain a new perspective on men and sex…

For those of you who have never heard VTALK- it is like eavesdropping on the table next to you…real talk…off the cuff…open communication between me and a male guest. It is entertaining at the least…

I recorded the show on Friday afternoon-

Friday night I went out and met a bunch of my guy friends…

I was ready to relax…have some nice wine under the stars while listening to good music and soaking up the essence of my male companions like bread dipped in olive oilJ

But before my first glass of wine was poured my guy friends were asking me questions and my opinion on various topics concerning women and relationships.

And here I thought I was off the clock!

But as I stood there listening to them I realized that despite what most women say-

Men DO want to talk.

They DO want an open discussion- OPEN being the key word here.

Why do I have so many guy friends who get real with me and open up?

Because I am OPEN as well… to what they have to say- their opinions and their differences.

Therefore I learn… and understand-which then leads to acceptance -which in turn makes for a very peaceful- flowing way of living.

I get that every piece of the man puzzle doesn’t always fit.

Nor should it-

Just like women- neither of us will ever fully be figured out or placed in a nice little-non threatening box.

Back to Friday night…

So I am standing there surrounded by my good looking male friends and there is a guy at the table next to us telling his friend how he “wants” me…(his words).

My guy friend and I are sitting there listening to every word he is saying- since the tables were close and we could hear it all.

Now- he was hot. I have to admit that…kind of reminded me of Adam Levine…

But then his older friend said back to him, “Yeah…she is a hot cougar.”-

WHAT?????

I am a cougar? At this age?

My friend and I started cracking up- all the while this guy has no idea I heard the conversation…

Eventually he came over and asked me for my name-

As I shook his hand and with a straight face- I said ,”Amy…Amy Kueger…spelt K-U-E-G-E-R…some people pronounce it like Kager…but it is pronounced cougar.”-

My guy friends were all waiting- the whole night- to see what I would do and how I would handle it…

They were laughing so hard most of them had to walk away-

As the guy stumbled all over himself trying to explain that they weren’t saying I was like an “actual” cougar…just that I had a lot of male attention…

Either way it was a good laugh…and I wasn’t offended in the slightest. I could care less if someone considers me to be a cougar…I have ten good years left before thatJ

Besides- the “cougar” term gets on my nerves…

I am going to come up with a name for men in the same category…

Like Warthog!

How do you like that? J

Stereotypes, Cougars and Warthogs…

Oh my!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I could be a Fairy God Mother-

The things  I would sprinkle some magic on –

Are human beings judging one another and themselves.

If that part of the human condition was removed- love would be the only transaction between two people…

Love would be what people would use…get high on…fill up with…

Then again, I guess it is judgment -that when truly examined- shows us the things within that are asking for a little tune up- a little check and balance-

A little rotation and alignment.

A little change.

Being out on the street last night- filming a new episode of VSTREET-

It wasn’t difficult to get people to talk about relationships-

It wasn’t until the word “SEX” came out of my mouth that you could sense the nervousness in people to open up…

Totally understandable when you have a microphone hooked up to you and a camera in your face.

One point made with all the interviews is how much relationships are changing-

And should change.

Our world is changing at light speed-

Every day.

What used to work no longer works.

That is obvious.

Yet people- in fear- instead of pressing through to the new and improved way of doing it-

Are either standing still- stuck and deluded-

Or trying to still cling on to the old.

Discontentment- the main result.

We cannot  and will not stop change.

And when we try to- or try to ignore it- we become numb- stuck- sexed up- drugged up- judgmental- dissatisfied-frustrated-aggressive-controlling-

Miserable.

One thing I have noticed is people are no longer feeling the need to be in relationships.

I understand this-

I am there at the moment-

Completely satisfied- loving my friends- my work and career- my relationship with myself.

I love going out- I love staying home- I love my freedom.

I know that will not last forever- it is peaks and valleys of life-

And one day I will wake up and be ready to share my life- to witness someone else’s- to be with someone.

It is like a pendulum- we swing from one extreme to the other-

From my parent’s generation that stayed together no matter what-

To my generation that high tails it at the first boring- mundane moment.

Eventually the pendulum will settle in the middle.

Someone asked me last night if there is no hope- for love and relationships-

Quite the contrary-

When we find the balance- it will be the best of both beliefs- and that will be -

MAGIC…

 

 

Rumors…

Ugly little things- they start off small and grow into something uncontainable.

Kind of like a wild fire- and like a wild fire- it destroys.

If there is one thing I am passionate about – it is helping people become more aware of the power of their words and the absolute stupidity that comes with believing you actually know the truth about a person or a story if you are not that person!

When I was 25 years old I owned a hair salon. And one of the girls renting from me found out I had never been to a club dancing or had ever had alcohol-

So that night she dragged me out to a club- not a good one either.

But I danced the whole night! And I could dance~ I remember she kept ordering me what she drank- mandarin vodka something or other-because I had no idea what to get to drink.

Well- I was like a kid let loose at a candy shop.

I loved to dress up- show off my body-since up to that point I never did.

It was the time of Britney Spears naval phenomenon-

And I had great abs- did 1000 crunches a day at that point- so I always wore sexy little numbers.

I went out with my girlfriends at the time and I lived it up for about a year.

NOT ONCE- did I ever go home with someone- kiss a stranger- NOTHING.

My best friend on the other hand would leave me on the middle of the dance floor and suddenly I would look around and see she had left me there to go home with someone.

I still remember the first time I heard the rumor get back to me that I was going out all the time and hooking up.

I don’t know what shocked me more- the fact that it was said by someone I had never met or laid eyes on in my life- or the fact that I had not had sex once that year.

It hurt-

Almost as much as the time I was dating a guy who was the manager of a restaurant.

I was sooooo naïve-

He would get off and come to my place at around 3 am- I didn’t get then why he was like the energizer bunny every night- but I do now.

Eventually his contact solution was left at my place- then a tooth brush appeared.

He was the first to say I love you. I still remember how awkward I felt because it was all moving so fast and it was as if I was along for the ride- that was taking place in my own life.

To make a very long story short- I caught him cheating twice in the same weekend- with two different women.

One his ex girlfriend-

The other was someone that we had been at a dinner with- Thanksgiving if I remember correctly.

He was blatantly flirting with her in front of me and all our friends.(this was  the night before he was with his ex)-

Anyway- I called him on it- we got into a fight- I left- he didn’t come home that night.

I was young- so young. And had a lot to learn and catch up on.

I called his best friend- he said to come over.

I drove over to his condo- he told me he knew where my boyfriend was- at this girl’s town house-the girl he was flirting with that when I confronted him about he went irate on me…I now understand why- but then I didn’t get it.

I didn’t believe it- so his best friend told me her address and said drive there- see it with your own eyes- then move on because you deserve better.

I drove to the address and there were a ton of townhomes- and there was his car.

I went up to the door and rang the door bell.

She came to the door- with a smile on her face- telling me he wasn’t there. I told her I knew he was there and that I would sit there all day if I had to until he got his coward a$% outside and looked me in the eye.

A few minutes passed and he came out-

I sat as he lied for an hour- telling me all kinds of stories and excuses- telling me he loved me…

I left and went home- it took me a long time to move on and get over the shock of it-

 

They got married less than a year later-

Then he cheated on her and got a girl pregnant-

They got divorced and as far as I know-he is now married to the girl he got pregnant and is happy…

I say all of that to say this-

When people started asking him why we broke up- because he went around telling EVERYBODY- how much he loved me- how crazy he was about me…

Then in one night- we are over and he is with someone new-

In order to save himself the embarrassment of having to fess up to his cheating and mistakes-

He told people “Oh- yeah- she was crazy…”-

I can’t tell you how much that devastated me-

To not only deal with the infidelity and the shock of the lies-

But then to have to watch as he made me the scapegoat to save himself-

After years of study and dissecting my own life and my responsibility in what I have created in relationships- I truly get why he did it- and why I was the way I was…

 

I now get that “she is crazy” is the standard line given by most men when not wanting to own up to their mistakes. I have heard it said about my girlfriends- women I love and know well-

 

I now have compassion and I know that is why I have had the experiences I have had- to learn…

Years later I ran into him- and the next day I was at my salon when he walked up and called me outside-

He apologized for what he had done- truly looked me in the eye and took responsibility.

But rumors…

They tear down- they do not build up. The truth is they tear down the person spreading and making them up- just as much as the person they are targeting.

And speaking of Target…

This is how easy it can happen.

My good guy friend and I are hanging out on Sunday.

We have known each other for around 10 years or so.

Never ever have we been physical- he has with all my friends- but him and I? Never…

He wanted to go to Target to get some things for his house-

On the way he is rattling off all the things he needs to get-

One of them being- condoms.

We laugh- because he talked about how long it has been since he bought the last ones.

We get into Target- we go around with the little basket gathering things.

Then we get to the condom aisle- he picks his out and puts them in the basket under everything else.

We again laugh about how awkward it is buying them- he asks if girls feel that way about tampons-

I reply- “Maybe when we are teenagers but then we get over it.”

We pick a line to check out and wouldn’t you know as he begins emptying the basket- the girl in front of him turns around- and they know each other.

I stood back by the gum laughing as I watch my friend almost in slow motion taking everything out of the basket- and I am reading his mind-

He is doing everything he can to wait till the very last moment to take the condoms out because she keeps talking instead of walking…away.

He reluctantly pulls the condoms out and places them down.

She gives a strange- half smile and says her goodbyes.

He and I crack up- but as we walk back to the truck- both acknowledge how easily a rumor can start.

Just like that- him and I in Target- he is buying condoms- and just like that!

She gets the impression we are hooking up and maybe goes and tells her friend… and her friend tells her friend…

Wild fire-

When not an ounce of truth exists in that story.

 

 

Kind of like now-

 

Did you know the rumor is I am a nympho because I write about sex?

 

That one makes me laugh-

 

Oh- and I am a nympho because my press photo shoot has me lying on a bed in a man’s dress shirt…

 

Rumors- we all have taken part in them-

 

Either by adding to the conversation when someone is being talked about- or not saying a word in defense as someone is being talked about.

 

Today- will you make the decision with me as you read this, to not be part of the rumor mill?-

I know I am going to leave the rumors up to Bananarama!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a really good guy friend.

He brings me Krispy Kremes- simply because he knows how much joy they bring to me.

That is a good friend-(and no he isn’t gay).

 

He goes to events with me when I don’t want to bring a date- but don’t want to be alone either.

 

He also has my back- he is the one who told me like it was in the Spider Monkey’s post-

He ended up being right.

In spite of the “When Harry met Sally” theory-

We handle friendship quite well.

Sure we have had the “conversation”-

Over $3 margarita’s and tequila shots-

The “maybe we should hook up” drunken talk…

But we both know- we would never date- so why ruin a friendship?

And like that? We go back to neutral.

He thinks like a man and well… I think like a man most times (unless I like someone and then I am 100% girl).

Example- we are sitting having drinks in a crowd and a girl there is innocently talking about her dog and his toys and how they are missing a bunch of them and she has no idea where the dog hides them.

She says- “Like right now- he is missing two balls and a cong.”

Well- I burst out laughing- the only one in the group besides who? My good guy friend-

He and I both could find a sexual innuendo anytime- any place… Mass…a funeral…

We have DMS- I guess…

Dirty Mind Syndrome.

Friendship-

As a girl? I love my close girl friends- I love the support and the bond and the inner power that is nurtured when women are with other like- minded women.

But I love my men. I don’t know what I would do without my guy friends.

They keep me grounded. I love the silence and the spaces in between-

How we can be driving along and not have to speak a word and there is none of that uncomfortable anticipation of who is going to fill up the space.

I am a man lover.

Not a man hater.

You won’t hear man bashing from me- and that annoys a lot of my girl friends.

Women like to say men are so simple.

On the contrary-

Men are complex- you will notice this- if you take the time to sit with them. And let them be- without trying to form them or mold them or speak for them or project on to them.

 

Like a glass of scotch.

When that scotch hits your tongue- there are so many different dances happening in one moment-

Scotch- complex… yet simple.

Men- complex…yet simple.

And just like my scotch- I don’t like my men watered down.

That is why today- I am writing about my man friendsJ

The ones who tell me what I need to hear- not what I want to hear.

The ones who do kind things for me not because they have an agenda (well, maybe subconscious agenda) – but because they want to do something nice or see me smile.

The ones who care enough about me and our friendship to have a confrontation if need be- who see past any weakness I have and understand that they don’t make up the whole of who I am.

The ones who sit and watch sports with me and during commercial breaks take the time to explain to me what the hell just happened.

The ones who when I want to go for a drink- man up -even if they have had a 12 hour day and just feel like sitting on the couch and having a beer.

The ones who when they look at me?- sometimes I feel the most beautiful- because they transcend the physical and stand by me -because they truly have found something within me that they find worth standing for.

I am going to declare this day “NATIONAL GUY FRIEND APPRECIATION DAY!”

To all my guy friends-

Big- GIANT hug and kiss!!!!

You are very much appreciated.