Amy Venezia

Another year-

 

Another year flown by.  

 

Packed with learning, growing, laughter, pain, healed relationships, broken relationships, creations, disappointments and successes.

 

New Years Eve has always been my favorite holiday.

 

I spend it different than most.

 

Alone.

 

By choice.

 

When I was not a struggling writerJ, I would book a hotel room…order room service and champagne…make myself a hot bath~ and truly examine the year passed and what I want to create in the year to come.

 

I take the time to visualize my New Year- which to me is the most important part of New Years Eve and Day.

 

Oh… I miss those daysJ

 

But I can do the same with out the pampering this year.

 

I never really got getting so hammered at a party that you wake up on the first day of the New Year already having to account for lost moments and brain cells.

 

I went out this weekend for the first time in a long time. I am glad I did.

 

It was a good reminder.

 

I met friends out that I have known for over a decade. One friend who was trying to get in my pants then and ten years later? Still trying…

 

I sat there drinking my gin with St. Germain…

 

Thinking how some things don’t change. How did I find myself, over a decade later, having the same conversation?

 

I have come to look at people in my life as lessons.

 

Always presenting lessons.

 

Nothing happened between us ten years ago, and nothing happened between us this weekend- just the normal flirting and fun conversation.

 

But still, I have to look at the place in which I find myself.

 

Having to not only make that decision, but having to explain that decision to someone who doesn’t want to listen to standards or reasons…

 

There is this part of me that wants to throw out my stilettos and flirtations – and go on some kind of global trip where I don’t  wear a speck of makeup or have to say no to anyone because I am not being asked for anything. I am only serving and giving and learning.

 

I am tired of assumptions I suppose.

 

I am social, connected and flirtatious. I am sensual. I love to dress up and look feminine.

 

I like conversation and laughter. Good food, good wine, good music, dancing…

 

But I have standards. And I have discipline and convictions.

 

And at this point in my life, where I am single by choice and enjoying my solitude and personal growth, I just don’t want to keep attracting men that want something I am not offering.

 

Although, I am deep enough to take responsibility for what I am attracting in my life.

 

 

Seems to be two extremes in the single world-

 

Either, not getting hit on at all and feeling lonely and borderline desperate~

 

Or getting hit on a lot, by men who haven’t taken the time to notice that you aren’t even on the playing field.

 

It is an interesting time in the world to be single- with so many changes on the relationship dynamic home front…

 

Changes in the dynamics between men and women.

 

Just me thinking out loud as the New Year approaches…life is such an adventure and fun if you make it that way. Even the lessons…

How will you spend your New Years? And how closely will you look at your life over the year and make the choice for change?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday night I had friends in town.

 

 

Friends I have had for over a decade, friends that have been with me through thick and thin.

 

 

They are the kind of friends who roll large…limo’s and champagne…best wine and food and no shortage of laughter.

 

 

Generous friends, that yell out “The Queen” whenever I walk in the room…and treat me with that kind of respect.

 

 

Friday night, I didn’t feel like going out.

 

 

I have been in a metamorphosis of sorts. I have had two years of the kind of fun that could be incorporated into a Sex and The City episode.

 

 

But as with everything in life, it is a pendulum swing. And the last couple of months, I have been called to more balance-

 

 

In all areas of my life.

 

 

After leaving my last long term relationship- close to five years long- I needed fun. I needed lightness. I needed laughter. I needed to be reminded I was still a sexy woman. I needed to turn heads and flirt without intention. I needed to know life could be light again.

 

 

I needed a break from the depths I had been swimming in.

 

 

But there is only so much affirmation that can come from outside of you.

 

 

Then life says, “Ok…enough now. You got the message- time to go within.”

 

 

And that is where I was at Friday night …that and a little under the weather.

 

 

I hesitantly put on my little black dress, sported my new black ankle boots..put on some Betsy Johnson Fishnet type leggings, straightened my hair with a little crown of braids- took a deep breath and walked out the door into the limo waiting for me outside.

 

 

There were my friends- and immediately my mind got off of my physical ailments and I started to enjoy the night.

 

 

We arrived at the restaurant and had a lot of fun. But I was conscious throughout the night that a chapter in my life was closing.

 

 

I looked around me and just couldn’t vibe with it anymore. Granted, I didn’t feel good. But it wasn’t that. It was me, deciding it is time for a new chapter.

 

 

I smiled at my friends and the champagne and the laughs- looked around and thought to myself…

 

 

“ Amy, this is the equivalent to your bachelorette party.”

 

 

I never had one of those. I was married at a young age and didn’t even drink alcohol at the time. I didn’t have a “one last shebang party”.

 

 

The kind of party that is out with the old to bring in the new.

 

 

Friday night represented that for me…

 

 

The only constant in life is change…and where there is change , there is growth.

 

 

And where there is growth- there you will find balance.

 

 

I like balance. 

 

So as I walked out of the restaurant I ran into a friend who said, “ What is the occasion Ms. Thang?”..

 

 

I relied back, “ A bachelorette party!”-

 

 

He asked, “ Who is getting married?”

 

 

I said, “ I am!”

 

 

Wide eyed and in complete shock, he asked, “ TO WHOM???!!”

 

 

“ To me…”- I relied back with a little wink as I slid into the limo.

 

 

Life is good…every moment.

 

 

Every turn-

 

 

 Every hill and every valley-

 

 

And every choice…

 

 

Make it a beautiful life.

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!

 

 

1. How I went to cash in a lotto ticket and left my I.D. in the car- the girl looks at me and says she is going to need to see my I.D.- I proceed to go back and forth with her about how it is in the car and is she really going to make me walk back out and get it? Does she really think I am under the age?  With no smile she replies, “YES”… so I am walking out aggravated until it hit me, WHY AM I ARGUING WITH A WOMAN WHO IS TRYING TO SAY I LOOK YOUNGER THAN I AM??? DUH! I came back in and handed it to her with a smile…

 

 

 

2. Waking up to rain…

 

 

3. I love fall- as a child I used to sit outside at the first inkling of it with a sketch pad and pencils. I could not draw for the life of me- but the sound of the leaves dancing and the crisp air hitting my face sure inspired some awesome stick figures…

 

 

4. Working out so hard that I feel sweat in places a woman wouldn’t or shouldn’t admit to…Yeah, I said it, get over itJ

 

 

5. Tater tots…

 

 

6. How sometimes I catch myself rubbing my feet together like a little cricket when I am falling asleep.

 

 

7. How I am 90% geek inside…I really am.

 

 

8. My family and how much we love each other.

 

 

9. How the cat I am watching came into the bathroom the other morning as I was brushing my teeth and just randomly bit me on the calf and ran off…guess he was ticked I was brushing my teeth before feeding him.

 

 

10. Singing to the top of my lungs at home- not sure how the neighbors feel about that.

 

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

 

1.    How in committing to this list every Friday- on days like today when I feel like I have nothing to offer and am a little less than grateful – it is writing this list that always gets me back to what is real…

 

2.    The feeling that laughter gives me- it is a combination of release, gratitude and childlike innocence all rolled up in a big smileJ

 

 

3.    A long hug- the kind where you can feel your heart hugging the other person’s heart…

 

4.    Forgiveness- I know I have that on this list a lot- but to me, it is the sole reason and lesson for being here. Not money, relationships, friends, family or fame…When the day comes where you find you forgive something that is so totally hurtful and wrong in nature? Not to gain a thing, not because it is easy- but because you have learned that in affording someone else freedom of an offense you set yourself free in the process…I am learning this, everyday. And on this Friday, I LOVE that.

 

5.    Those rare days that I allow myself to sleep in…till 8J

 

6.    Music and moving my body to it.

 

7.    My conversation last night about not being attracted to “beefcakes” and the comment someone said, I will call her Aphrodite because she is a GoddessJ, about how if “their pecs are bigger than her breasts there is a problem!”-That made me LOL…

 

8.    Rainbows and puppiesJ In scrolling this list just now to see what I have written so far, this is what it is reminding me of… rainbows and puppiesJlol

 

9.    A soft kiss on the lips- one that lingers for a split second…that is yummy.

 

10. Starbucks Gazebo coffee…my new lover.

 

Happy Friday!!!

 

My birthday was yesterday.

I had a party on Tuesday to celebrate life.

In the light of events both culturally and in my little Universe, I was feeling extra grateful for the little things.

The moments, on this birthday, were like single grains of sand to me. No matter how minute in size? I noticed them all.

 

Like snapshots in time.

 

Maybe that is part of getting older.

 

I sat and watched my friends, how very lovely they are. They are kind, generous, successful, strong and open hearted people.

 

Just noticing how something has changed in me.

 

Maybe change is not the word, since it feels more like a returning to something I already knew on some level, but was not consciously choosing.

 

I want to love people for the way I AM. Not for the way they are or I need them to be.

Read that again slowly…

 

To love a person for the way I AM,  not the way they are or I need them to be.

Someone says something hurtful? Or disappoints in any way? Someone judges me or isn’t there for me like I would want them to be? At this point in my life, what does that have to do with me?

To love a person the way I AM…not the way they are or I need them to be.

Because I AM loving. I want to give a person the benefit of the doubt. I want to be generous in 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th chances. I want to be tolerant of differences. I don’t want to hold anything against another person. To make them pay for a mistake they have made, I don’t want to remind someone of their “faults” or “flaws”.

I want to love.

I always have. It is my insecurities from past crushes and blows that have kept me from fully demonstrating this in my life.

But here, on my 35^th birthday, I find a pure form of this- unadulterated and real- in the form of gratitude.

 

On this birthday, out of all my years, I received more love than I could take in.

In observation? I believe the reason for this is I have been more generous than I have ever been at any point in my life.

 

I have been generous of time, my smile, a hug, understanding, listening, loyalty, forgiving and acknowledging a person.

 

Generous with love.

 

Life is good.

 

Life is beautiful.

No matter how many hardships have appeared on my horizon, they have not compared to the thrill of being out to “sea”- moving forward.

The journey…

Love is beautiful.

So on this birthday I am happy for the fact that my shade of view isn’t Jade…

No, I am not jaded.

Shocking with all I have experienced.

I wish the same for you, as you read this-

To remember life is good, life is beautiful, love is the only true constant- when you love someone from how YOU ARE, you will never find a shortage of it.

 

Celebrate life!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

 

1.    When I am sitting at a large table at Starbucks writing this-this morning- on the phone with my best friend- and some woman comes up, oblivious that I am in the middle of a conversation, and asks (not very nicely) if I would be willing to move so her meeting can sit there- where I have been for one hour…first reaction? I am in the middle of writing and have been sitting here- where it is first come first serve-no way I am moving…2^nd reaction? I realize it is Friday and get up and do it with a smileJJ- Only good and giving things should happen on Friday!

 

2.    The feeling of Tequila going down the back of your throat and the warmth it brings to the depths of the soul-(courtesy of Crown Cherry).

 

3.    When someone tickles you and you laugh so hard you sound like a 5 year old little girl…even if you are a guyJ

 

4.    When I see people helping each other- even in the slightest of ways.

 

5.    The good mood I find most people in today since it is a three day weekend- or maybe it is the hot dogs…or ice cold beer…could be the fireworks.

 

6.    My BF’s family in Ocala- most loving and generous people – always greet you with a hug and a shot of tequila. Salt of the earth!!

 

7.    My life. Exactly where I am, right now. This moment of time when all my successes and failures I greet with a hug and kiss- like old friends- who have both equally been there for me to show me the way.

 

8.    This cute little dog I am sitting for someone- his name is Marvin Gaye- he always looks like he is smiling- which makes me smile every time I see him.

 

9.    When I feel- really feel- love in my heart towards a person- that warm feeling that spreads in my chest-and I can feel myself open- as if my heart is like a convertible that just slowly let its top downJ

 

10. YOU! I love you and thank youJ

 

HAPPY FRIDAY and HAPPY 4th!!!

 

I am going to write today about something that is a touchy subject. And I know a lot of what I write about is touchy. But this is a sensitive button that not a lot of people want to acknowledge…

So I am going to start with statistics…the absolute most conservative statistics I found were the following:(the other statistics would cause some people to dive into a gallon of Haagen-Dazs or tequila)

37% of married men cheat at least once in their marriage…

19% of women cheat at least once in their marriage…

My question is, with an over 50% divorce rate who in the world are they polling for this? A two year marriage? A five year marriage? Think about it…

But that is not what startles me … what startles me is the next statistic…

75% of the women and 58% of the men had absolutely no idea of their spouse’s slice of pie on the side…

And get this! 90% of Americans find cheating to be morally repulsive and wrong…really???

Seems to me America may be full of more hypocrites than a church on Sunday… (I say that kindly)

Now…I have been cheated on in every way there is to be cheated on. I am the Kama Sutra of being “cheated” on… so many ways and positions I have been in and witnessed.

I have experienced the gut wrenching pain that tingles all the way down your arms into your fingers… if you have never experienced this Bless you and count your blessings today… Betrayal is not for the faint of heart.

But here is the thing… after studying so much through the years and having my own experiences I chose to do the complete opposite of most who have been burned.

I chose to open my eyes.

WIDE open…

This isn’t just something that I have been through with love… the whole world is experiencing this. The difference is one half walks around willingly playing the fool while the other half plays the moral police…

The problem here is not the cheating…it isn’t the going outside of our partnerships… that is the effect.

The problem is the safety two people feel in their connection to be completely honest with who they are and the knowing that the honesty will be met with acceptance, not rejection.

If a person feels they have to put on a face, play a part every day to not rock the boat; to save themselves from confrontation or an argument. If they feel they must hide their thought forms in order not to disappoint the other or let them down… this, my friends is suppression. And where there is suppression there is a boiling going on underneath the surface that will erupt in one way or another in order to come to the surface.

It is a natural human tendency that when someone or something is telling you not to do something; that it is forbidden, wrong and out of your free will to do, to rebel… just look at a two year old…

So I go back to the 75% of women and the 58% of men that had no clue…

It is a natural human tendency to hide if you feel that what you will do, say or be will cause offense. Just because someone chooses to be politically correct that does not mean for one second that the words coming out of their mouths in any way match the thoughts or beliefs going through their heads.

Just because a certain behavior or tendency is acknowledged does not mean it has to be accepted. In this case, I am talking the natural tendency to be attracted to another person…

Picture this…

You are married or in a committed relationship… you find yourself attracted to or flirting with someone at work.

You start to feel guilty, because you know it’s wrong. But there is something about it that makes you feel alive again. Something you haven’t felt for awhile with your partner. You haven’t shared your lack of fulfillment with your partner because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause any fear in them that things are not right or changing in your relationship. So every day you pass the salt while you pass the chances to just share how you are feeling… Somehow it is easier than being upfront and honest. Now you and this person at work have this little secret, forbidden spark that seems to be growing with the days. It could be because you find yourself thinking about it often; every time you need that little hit of excitement or fantasy…But you quickly force it out of your mind because you know you shouldn’t. And so this little game of resistance and giving in starts playing ping pong in your mind…Until it turns from the eye contact, to the touch of the arm as you talk, to the drinks after work, to the…

Now let’s take the same exact scenario.

You are in a married or committed relationship…

You find yourself attracted to or flirting with someone at work.

You go back to your desk and don’t give it another thought. No, you don’t obsess about it or build upon it. Why? Because there is absolutely no weight to it; there is nothing forbidden about it. You and your partner have discussed fully on many occasions how you both meet other people who you have a natural attraction to. In fact you have laughed and teased each other about it. You have shared with your partner your need to feel seen, wanted and acknowledged. And the times when you have felt lacking in this area you know you can go to them without them feeling threatened or betrayed by what goes through your mind.

You are given that space for all of your desires to move through you and because it is free and non- constricting you allow them to pass through you instead of clinging on to them. You and your partner realize they are just desires… and when they come up you don’t suppress them, ignore them or horde them.

So the little attraction at work doesn’t become your personal outlet for satisfaction… you have found that in yourself and in the communication and honesty you have with your partner. The absence of forbiddances takes the air out of your hot co-worker balloon you were about to take a ride on and the boil out of the suppression…

Every person on this planet wants to be free.

We do not own each other.

And I do believe monogamy to be a choice. But I think that choice is so much more revered than resented when it is made in a space of complete free will and acceptance.

Free will may not mean free Willy. But Willy does want to be free!