Amy Venezia

 

 

Every time I tried to sit and write today, I fought like a five year old at bedtime.

 

There was something I needed to get up and do. A phone call I needed to make. An errand I needed to run.

 

So, I decided to post on Facebook that I was stuck and needed some ideas…

 

The first response? “Just write.”

 

I replied back, sarcastically mind you, “Thanks Socrates.”

 

And now, here I am writing about Socrates.

 

I would hope everyone reading this knows of Socrates. If not, he was a Greek philosopher; considered the wisest man in the world. Put to death because of his opinions and teachings.

 

He was greatly influenced by Plato. He was also greatly influenced by a woman named Diotima.

 

Diotima was in Plato’s Symposium. And, since most of the characters in Plato’s writings turned out to be actual historical figures and not characters. It is said that Diotima was a real person.

 

She was a philosopher…a seer…a phrophetess. Her ideas about love are what Plato built his platonic love concept upon.

 

What she believed of love has been choked out and overlooked for centuries now.

 

But, somewhere in me, I drink from her well of beliefs…always have.

 

Diotima believed that loving another is a means to getting higher… to thinking and understanding about the Divine.

 

She believed that beauty and loveliness in another inspired the mind of the observer, directing the soul’s attention to higher ways.

 

According to her, when you recognize the beauty in another, you are acknowledging Divinity.

 

It reminds me of Tantra, which I have studied over the years.

 

 

 I am a “sensual” woman. I am not ashamed to say that. It is part of who I am. But, sometimes because that is part of my essence, people assume about my beliefs when it comes to intimacy.

 

I believe love is Sacred. I also believe sex is Sacred. I believe every time you share your body with someone you are sharing your soul. I choose very wisely. I treat it with respect.

 

Tantra, in a sense,  reminds me of Diotima’s language. But, that fits less and less in the society we live in today. We are way off the path of the heart.

 

Where we have gotten way off the path of the heart is we have disconnected sex from the heart. We have disconnected intimacy from love. And, it is not just in the areas of sex and love. But, in the very way in which we communicate with each other now.

 

We have women who don’t take responsibility for their bodies and have learned that they can’t really rely on the old beliefs about love. They can’t really trust.  As a result they have developed a “if you can’t fight em’, join em’ …” mentality. Now they try to mimic men in sexuality.

 

We have men who have become so disconnected from intimacy they wouldn’t know what it meant to “feel” a deep connection if it kicked them in the teeth.

 

If the women are becoming less emotional and the men are becoming even more unemotional…where is the heart?

 

Look around you. Where is the heart in the world today? Where is the soul?

 

When is the last time you recognized the beauty in someone. Not outer…inner.

 

A light in someone, the soul. And, when recognizing that light in the person, you feel an almost awe…not for them… but, for something higher than both of you?

 

When is the last time you treated intimacy as something Sacred? Something magical? Something that demanded your whole being…all of your attention…your respect…your offering.

 

When is the last time you realized that every time you love you are reconnecting with a part of yourself so deep, so ancient, so Divine…

 

So beautiful.

 

Sometimes it is good to look back into history. Look back to the very pulse of those times…and see how much stronger their hearts beat for love.

 

I choose to see the beauty…in you… in me. How about you? Why not start your day tomorrow with recognizing it in everyone you come across. No matter how small…find some beauty in that person.

 

I bet your day becomes…well, BEAUTIFUL:).

 

 

 

 

 

Is it a curse or a blessing to be young and single in the year 2009?

 

 

 

To walk the line between obligation relations of my parents generation and instant gratification relations of my generation.

 

 

 

Sometimes I envy the days when there was no text or email to add to the delusion that hormones and endorphins already provoke in attraction.

 

 

 

As I sat talking with a friend this morning this is what came to mind…

 

 

 

My friend has been texting and emailing every day with someone who is in a committed relationship-

 

 

 

I have been there, same boat, over the last couple years. Thinking you have a foundation of a friendship or a connection that is growing-

 

 

 

But then, just like the erase button on your phone or the delete button on your email- you find that the foundation was about as solid as a cloud.

Now, I am not talking about people you are doing business with or talking with for other reasons than personal…

And personally, I don’t really like  talking on the phone. I much more prefer to talk through text or email unless it is a conversation that needs that kind of attention.

 

 

 

Anyway,  here is my friend, starting to have feelings for a person that shares a home and dogs and bank accounts and life with her boyfriend- yet has this little communication going on everyday through text and email.

 

 

 

My friend really diggs this girl…and their growing friendship…

 

 

 

However,

 

 

 

 

 

In the realm of communication, I have come to learn this truth-

 

 

 

 

 TEXT always equals NEXT…

 

 

 

Next please!

 

 

 Next filler in line, next thrill…next high….next person to pass the time.

 

 

 

I told my friend to watch it…guard his heart.

 

 

 

To me,  a person who is in a committed relationship, that is texting and carrying on communication on a daily basis with someone other than their partner-

 

 

 

That person is an intimacy junkie.

 

 

 

Period.

 

 

 

Now, that doesn’t mean that they are to blame. The person on the other end of the text makes the choice to take the bait and stay on the line.

 

 

 

But let’s face it-

 

 

 

There is about as much substance in text as there is in a piece of celery-

 

 

 

 You are basically gnawing on a stick of water…

 

 

 

Now, maybe if you were in the desert- a stick of water a.k.a. celery would be like a slice of heaven to you…

 

 

 

And maybe, in the desert of a committed, yet unhappy relationship- text “relations” is that slice of heaven to a person?

 

 

 

I think though when it comes to your heart-

 

 

 

All should text with caution…

 

 

 

Knowing- that just like anything else that comes with a warning label, sometimes there are risks and one should proceed with caution.

 

 

 

Intimacy junkies are those who need a fix of faux intimacy. While they play house with their girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives.

 

 

 

They don’t get it from their own connection with their lover, yet they are not at a place yet with in themselves to face the truth and make the hard choices that might, just might make them happy.

 

 

 

We have all been there at one time or another in life.

 

 

 

I wonder what it is going to take for all of us to get real? When all around there are options to stay unauthentic?

 

 

 

The moral of this little Monday morning story?

 

 

 

TEXT always means NEXT.

 

 

 

Make sure you have other forms of communication, such as an actual physical conversation on the phone, a long hug- eye to eye contact and conversation…before allowing your heart to ponder sweet nothings…

Next time you find yourself texting someone on a regular basis, ask yourself what you are wanting out of it-

And if it is not to build connectedness, respect, value and friendship- check yourself:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“From the times you chastise us for leaving a wet towel on the bed to those nights you rip through a pint of fudge ripple without stopping to breathe, we file each incident in a mental folder labeled “Evidence She’ll Change for the Worse.”

 

Woke up this morning and checked my emails…

 

This was sent to me from an article about why men bail on even the women they are really into…

 

Brutal…

 

The whole article.

 

But refreshingly honest.

 

I have to say my favorite part of the article is the “timing is off “ reasoning…

 

Basically, it states a guy can be dating a girl for 2 years…and if one little part of his life is undone~ he won’t settle down with her. He could break up with her and start dating someone else though and end up engaged to that chick 6 months later-

 

The only difference between 2 year relationship girl and 6 month dating girl? TIMING.

 

I have learned this over my years…

 

I don’t know what it is-

 

I call it APS-

 

The Auto Pilot Syndrome in men.

 

A man can literally be living with a woman for a year, maybe two- telling her everyday he loves her. Eating dinner and doing the dishes with her.

 

They can have little rituals together, like he makes coffee and she brings him the paper…

 

Going to the dog park to walk “their” dog…

 

Nicknames like butter biscuit or lover…

 

And one day, after two years of living with this woman and going through all these motions- the guy is in the shower-

 

And somewhere between the shampoo and the shave? It hits him…

 

“I think I really love this girl.”

 

After two years…

 

730 dog walks, 730 dinners, hundreds of kisses, maybe 300 nights of mind blowing sex mixed with a couple hundred nights of this is as good as it’s gonna get sex…

 

And suddenly the actions line up with an actual feeling or conviction.

Now that is not to say the man didn’t “feel” love during those two years.

 

I am talking about the deep emotional tie that tows the line-

 

Between ‘I am in this until it ends…to I am in this and hope it never ends.’

 

This is reality-

 

Where we get off track in relationships?

 

Women just buy whatever they are being given at the moment as long as it continues to feed the fantasy rather than shatter it…

 

Wonder how our relationships would shift if women took a moment to really tune in and see their man-

 

Really SEE him.

 

Past the actions, past the box of conventionalism, past the auto pilot?

 

Who will take the responsibility first towards a real connection?

 

The man~ being truthful with where he is at and what he needs?

 

Or the woman~ willing to see the man in true light- as is- without expectations.

 

Either way? An honesty so deep would be the end result-

 

And when a man and a woman can connect and communicate on that level?

 

That is the tie that binds…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sat and stared at the single pair in front of me.

 

I know I had come down to the wire, able to see the half mountain of dirty laundry in my peripheral vision, just to the right of me.

But come on! This is what I have left?

I stared at the bottom of the drawer where the sole pair of panties stared back at me.

Single pair of panties…

Single just like me.

But crotchless?

I sank down onto the side of the bed, sitting in a slump, just like that pile of laundry that seemed to be growing on its own.

Last time I wore these?

I sat and searched my memory, back to over 2 ½ years ago, when I had purchased them in the first place.

Hustler on Sunset Blvd…

My boyfriend of 5 years was the happy recipient of that little random purchase. Well, not that he wore them…that sounded confusing. You know what I mean.

No wonder they were the last pair standing- they lived a quiet life of solitude at the bottom of the pile for some time now.

Forgotten…MIA… but then again, that would take action to be missing in, correct?

 

I had a choice- go commando or slide on the crotchless for entertainment alone.

I had a little conversation with myself, somewhere along the lines of, since in essence- they are crotchless- what is the use of wearing them?

Until I had the brilliant idea of a little self examination.

And I am not talking about a physical one so stop your dirty thoughts now…

An inner one.

To give a little reminder throughout the day that I, myself, am choosing for over 2 ½ years now, to be relationship free.

 

So with each trip to the restroom I would be reminded- and ask myself- why?

What is my reasoning? Truly…

Is it that I truly have not found a man that I want to witness life with?

That is part of it.

Show me a man that is fierce enough to fight for his heart and live from his heart and I will show you a man worth giving my body, mind and soul to.

Is it because I am weary- having long term relationships most of my adult life- of the energy produced and consumed when in a relationship? Maybe…

How many beautiful guy friends do I have, that would make wonderful partners, that have never laid a hand on me or vice versa? That I just can’t and won’t go there with?

I am out in the deep, in life. I have been through more than most would go through in 5 lifetimes.

I am not wading in the kiddy pool anymore- or sipping Malibu and pineapples floating along in life looking for prince charming on the float next to me.

I am in the deep- and to be truthful, I don’t pass many souls down here, in the middle of my search, souls I connect with on a “romantic” level.

It was actually quite funny, this little idea of mine.  Like a little secret I held with me and me alone. I left the restroom with a smile on my face, at the ridiculousness of wearing these things during the day.

 

By the end of my crotchless day experience, I had satisfactorily come to the conclusion that my choice is not based out of fear of intimacy- but from an understanding that I will not settle anymore.

I have had my fun, at the same time I have had my self -inflicted torture.

I went home, did my laundry and as I was folding- came across that pair of panties again.

This time, I put them at the top of the pile in the drawer.

Amazing how you can entertain yourself…