The TEN things I love on this Friday, day 12 of my 30 day challenge to write!

1. That this morning I held a baby who made my heart smile…and, then an hour later, I held a puppy that made my heart smile…by the time I went to my next meeting I wanted to hold an adult and make them smile.

2. My friends and my family. Every morning the moment my eyes open, before I get out of bed I say “thank you”. I think of each person in my life…see their face in my mind…and say, “thank you”. It is my little ritual that starts every one of my days reminding me how blessed I really am.

3. Dancing…I could dance ALL night long.

4. My good friend Mag’s made me 2 mix CD’s this week! Just makes me giddy.

5. Looking up and catching a man’s eyes that  takes your breath away…but… never showing it;).

6. Hearing from all my readers. It always makes me happy and feel grateful for what I do and the gift of connection.

7. When someone is kind hearted.

8. Romance in all its mysterious forms.

9. Working out…the satisfaction in the burn…and, of course, the results.

10. How I was just thinking this week that I miss hearing the birds sing in my new place…and, yesterday I am in my bedroom making up the bed…I look up and there is a Blue Jay sitting on the railing of my balcony…23 floors up! Like he came to say , “Hey there…we miss you too!”;)

 Happy Friday!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

1. Crest Whitening Strips and how they make my teeth glow in the dark…

2. How my sister reminded me that my first crush growing up was aqua man…yep…in my little imagination he was real.

3. How in every moment we get the opportunity to return to innocence.

4. That I bought and fit into a dress from the juniors department this week.

5. Kindness…from a stranger or someone I love…sometimes, kindness seems to be on the extinction list.

6. Love and magic…I will fight until my last breath to keep that alive in me.

7. Chicken wings.

8. How I think, in my little humble opinion… that being single is the new black.

9. The chicken and dumplings I had this week- my Great Grandmother, Vida Lee, used to make them from scratch for me when I was little.

10. Nostalgia…it is pure romance.

Happy Friday!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!

1. Buckets of beer…on a patio…in the sunlight.

2. Raw oysters and buckets of beer…on a patio…in the sunlight:)

3. The ideas the Universe granted to me this week that really have some legs on them…I love it when they come with legs…

4.  http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com  - finally, I find dresses perfectly suited for my figure, woohoo!

5. An open heart….

6. Laughing so hard it hurts…

7. Seeing one of my friends succeed…I love that.

8. Coming to the realization this week that I have the full authority to fire my inner control freak:) …or at least send her on an extended vacation…

9. Sitting next to a woman in Starbucks that reminded me so much of my Grandmother…and looking up to find her smiling at me- only to talk with her and have her tell me I reminded her of her granddaughter…freaky! Goes back to # 5…my Grandmother is no longer here…to end up having a conversation with a perfect stranger that ends up giving me a giant hug…takes an open heart.

10.  That it  is my BF’s Birthday Weekend~ Happy Birthday Crown Cherry!!

Happy Friday!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

1. The thrill of diving into something or someone, not knowing if there will be hell to pay or arms to catch yaJ

2. The blueberry doughnut I treated myself to last night on my way home from a friends…

3. Those rare times you meet someone in life, that when you look them in the eyes, you see their soul. That is a magical and stunning moment.

4. The release that laughter begets…

5. How I am so starved ,I am about to eat my laptop, but am committed to finishing this list firstJ

6. Gratitude- makes the world go round.

7. Candles…I just love them. If I could? I would never use electricity.

8. Hearing these four words, “ I HAVE A DREAM…” that is all I need to  hear to light my fire and inspireJ

9. The homeless people who have been camping out in the alley behind my building- they play their guitars at night and sing…and then get into fights.

10.  My family and friends~ I am a blessed girl!

Happy Friday!!!

 The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

1. The start of the TENNESSEE TITANS training camp- yeah baby!!!

2.  The lady on face book that called me naïve because I said we all just need to love each other! Pissed me off- until I realized that is exactly what I am talking about! So, love you -political lady on face book!

3.  Life…I love life. The ups and downs… the changes… the losses…and the occasional winsJ

4.  How my father greeted me with a hug yesterday and said, “Honey, you are the only person I know that can look like a million bucks when you don’t even have one.”J The life of a starving writer…

5.  I love my best friends Alice and Crown Cherry- two phenomenal women who inspire me everyday.

6. I love when my writing mentor reads something I have written and tells me, “Amy- that is just brilliant.”

7. How my friends at Starbucks pressed coffee for me this morning because I wanted something different than what they were offering- it pays to fork over half your income to coffeeJlol

8. Talking over wine, in the wee hours of the morning, feeling so inspired by the friends and the conversation.

9. Saying “wee” hours just now reminds me of my parent’s nick name for me when I was a little girl… “Wee-Wee”… I won’t tell you why.

10.  How everyday- I get a bit closer to the truth…because I have been seeking it since my first breath…seek and you shall find.

Happy Friday!!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!!!

1.    How in committing to this list every Friday- on days like today when I feel like I have nothing to offer and am a little less than grateful – it is writing this list that always gets me back to what is real…

2.    The feeling that laughter gives me- it is a combination of release, gratitude and childlike innocence all rolled up in a big smileJ

3.    A long hug- the kind where you can feel your heart hugging the other person’s heart…

4.    Forgiveness- I know I have that on this list a lot- but to me, it is the sole reason and lesson for being here. Not money, relationships, friends, family or fame…When the day comes where you find you forgive something that is so totally hurtful and wrong in nature? Not to gain a thing, not because it is easy- but because you have learned that in affording someone else freedom of an offense you set yourself free in the process…I am learning this, everyday. And on this Friday, I LOVE that.

5.    Those rare days that I allow myself to sleep in…till 8J

6.    Music and moving my body to it.

7.    My conversation last night about not being attracted to “beefcakes” and the comment someone said, I will call her Aphrodite because she is a GoddessJ, about how if “their pecs are bigger than her breasts there is a problem!”-That made me LOL…

8.    Rainbows and puppiesJ In scrolling this list just now to see what I have written so far, this is what it is reminding me of… rainbows and puppiesJlol

9.    A soft kiss on the lips- one that lingers for a split second…that is yummy.

10. Starbucks Gazebo coffee…my new lover.

Happy Friday!!!

My birthday was yesterday.

I had a party on Tuesday to celebrate life.

In the light of events both culturally and in my little Universe, I was feeling extra grateful for the little things.

The moments, on this birthday, were like single grains of sand to me. No matter how minute in size? I noticed them all.

Like snapshots in time.

Maybe that is part of getting older.

I sat and watched my friends, how very lovely they are. They are kind, generous, successful, strong and open hearted people.

Just noticing how something has changed in me.

Maybe change is not the word, since it feels more like a returning to something I already knew on some level, but was not consciously choosing.

I want to love people for the way I AM. Not for the way they are or I need them to be.

Read that again slowly…

To love a person for the way I AM,  not the way they are or I need them to be.

Someone says something hurtful? Or disappoints in any way? Someone judges me or isn’t there for me like I would want them to be? At this point in my life, what does that have to do with me?

To love a person the way I AM…not the way they are or I need them to be.

Because I AM loving. I want to give a person the benefit of the doubt. I want to be generous in 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th chances. I want to be tolerant of differences. I don’t want to hold anything against another person. To make them pay for a mistake they have made, I don’t want to remind someone of their “faults” or “flaws”.

I want to love.

I always have. It is my insecurities from past crushes and blows that have kept me from fully demonstrating this in my life.

But here, on my 35^th birthday, I find a pure form of this- unadulterated and real- in the form of gratitude.

On this birthday, out of all my years, I received more love than I could take in.

In observation? I believe the reason for this is I have been more generous than I have ever been at any point in my life.

I have been generous of time, my smile, a hug, understanding, listening, loyalty, forgiving and acknowledging a person.

Generous with love.

Life is good.

Life is beautiful.

No matter how many hardships have appeared on my horizon, they have not compared to the thrill of being out to “sea”- moving forward.

The journey…

Love is beautiful.

So on this birthday I am happy for the fact that my shade of view isn’t Jade…

No, I am not jaded.

Shocking with all I have experienced.

I wish the same for you, as you read this-

To remember life is good, life is beautiful, love is the only true constant- when you love someone from how YOU ARE, you will never find a shortage of it.

Celebrate life!!

If I could be a Fairy God Mother-

The things  I would sprinkle some magic on –

Are human beings judging one another and themselves.

If that part of the human condition was removed- love would be the only transaction between two people…

Love would be what people would use…get high on…fill up with…

Then again, I guess it is judgment -that when truly examined- shows us the things within that are asking for a little tune up- a little check and balance-

A little rotation and alignment.

A little change.

Being out on the street last night- filming a new episode of VSTREET-

It wasn’t difficult to get people to talk about relationships-

It wasn’t until the word “SEX” came out of my mouth that you could sense the nervousness in people to open up…

Totally understandable when you have a microphone hooked up to you and a camera in your face.

One point made with all the interviews is how much relationships are changing-

And should change.

Our world is changing at light speed-

Every day.

What used to work no longer works.

That is obvious.

Yet people- in fear- instead of pressing through to the new and improved way of doing it-

Are either standing still- stuck and deluded-

Or trying to still cling on to the old.

Discontentment- the main result.

We cannot  and will not stop change.

And when we try to- or try to ignore it- we become numb- stuck- sexed up- drugged up- judgmental- dissatisfied-frustrated-aggressive-controlling-

Miserable.

One thing I have noticed is people are no longer feeling the need to be in relationships.

I understand this-

I am there at the moment-

Completely satisfied- loving my friends- my work and career- my relationship with myself.

I love going out- I love staying home- I love my freedom.

I know that will not last forever- it is peaks and valleys of life-

And one day I will wake up and be ready to share my life- to witness someone else’s- to be with someone.

It is like a pendulum- we swing from one extreme to the other-

From my parent’s generation that stayed together no matter what-

To my generation that high tails it at the first boring- mundane moment.

Eventually the pendulum will settle in the middle.

Someone asked me last night if there is no hope- for love and relationships-

Quite the contrary-

When we find the balance- it will be the best of both beliefs- and that will be -

MAGIC…

Rumors…

Ugly little things- they start off small and grow into something uncontainable.

Kind of like a wild fire- and like a wild fire- it destroys.

If there is one thing I am passionate about – it is helping people become more aware of the power of their words and the absolute stupidity that comes with believing you actually know the truth about a person or a story if you are not that person!

When I was 25 years old I owned a hair salon. And one of the girls renting from me found out I had never been to a club dancing or had ever had alcohol-

So that night she dragged me out to a club- not a good one either.

But I danced the whole night! And I could dance~ I remember she kept ordering me what she drank- mandarin vodka something or other-because I had no idea what to get to drink.

Well- I was like a kid let loose at a candy shop.

I loved to dress up- show off my body-since up to that point I never did.

It was the time of Britney Spears naval phenomenon-

And I had great abs- did 1000 crunches a day at that point- so I always wore sexy little numbers.

I went out with my girlfriends at the time and I lived it up for about a year.

NOT ONCE- did I ever go home with someone- kiss a stranger- NOTHING.

My best friend on the other hand would leave me on the middle of the dance floor and suddenly I would look around and see she had left me there to go home with someone.

I still remember the first time I heard the rumor get back to me that I was going out all the time and hooking up.

I don’t know what shocked me more- the fact that it was said by someone I had never met or laid eyes on in my life- or the fact that I had not had sex once that year.

It hurt-

Almost as much as the time I was dating a guy who was the manager of a restaurant.

I was sooooo naïve-

He would get off and come to my place at around 3 am- I didn’t get then why he was like the energizer bunny every night- but I do now.

Eventually his contact solution was left at my place- then a tooth brush appeared.

He was the first to say I love you. I still remember how awkward I felt because it was all moving so fast and it was as if I was along for the ride- that was taking place in my own life.

To make a very long story short- I caught him cheating twice in the same weekend- with two different women.

One his ex girlfriend-

The other was someone that we had been at a dinner with- Thanksgiving if I remember correctly.

He was blatantly flirting with her in front of me and all our friends.(this was  the night before he was with his ex)-

Anyway- I called him on it- we got into a fight- I left- he didn’t come home that night.

I was young- so young. And had a lot to learn and catch up on.

I called his best friend- he said to come over.

I drove over to his condo- he told me he knew where my boyfriend was- at this girl’s town house-the girl he was flirting with that when I confronted him about he went irate on me…I now understand why- but then I didn’t get it.

I didn’t believe it- so his best friend told me her address and said drive there- see it with your own eyes- then move on because you deserve better.

I drove to the address and there were a ton of townhomes- and there was his car.

I went up to the door and rang the door bell.

She came to the door- with a smile on her face- telling me he wasn’t there. I told her I knew he was there and that I would sit there all day if I had to until he got his coward a$% outside and looked me in the eye.

A few minutes passed and he came out-

I sat as he lied for an hour- telling me all kinds of stories and excuses- telling me he loved me…

I left and went home- it took me a long time to move on and get over the shock of it-

They got married less than a year later-

Then he cheated on her and got a girl pregnant-

They got divorced and as far as I know-he is now married to the girl he got pregnant and is happy…

I say all of that to say this-

When people started asking him why we broke up- because he went around telling EVERYBODY- how much he loved me- how crazy he was about me…

Then in one night- we are over and he is with someone new-

In order to save himself the embarrassment of having to fess up to his cheating and mistakes-

He told people “Oh- yeah- she was crazy…”-

I can’t tell you how much that devastated me-

To not only deal with the infidelity and the shock of the lies-

But then to have to watch as he made me the scapegoat to save himself-

After years of study and dissecting my own life and my responsibility in what I have created in relationships- I truly get why he did it- and why I was the way I was…

I now get that “she is crazy” is the standard line given by most men when not wanting to own up to their mistakes. I have heard it said about my girlfriends- women I love and know well-

I now have compassion and I know that is why I have had the experiences I have had- to learn…

Years later I ran into him- and the next day I was at my salon when he walked up and called me outside-

He apologized for what he had done- truly looked me in the eye and took responsibility.

But rumors…

They tear down- they do not build up. The truth is they tear down the person spreading and making them up- just as much as the person they are targeting.

And speaking of Target…

This is how easy it can happen.

My good guy friend and I are hanging out on Sunday.

We have known each other for around 10 years or so.

Never ever have we been physical- he has with all my friends- but him and I? Never…

He wanted to go to Target to get some things for his house-

On the way he is rattling off all the things he needs to get-

One of them being- condoms.

We laugh- because he talked about how long it has been since he bought the last ones.

We get into Target- we go around with the little basket gathering things.

Then we get to the condom aisle- he picks his out and puts them in the basket under everything else.

We again laugh about how awkward it is buying them- he asks if girls feel that way about tampons-

I reply- “Maybe when we are teenagers but then we get over it.”

We pick a line to check out and wouldn’t you know as he begins emptying the basket- the girl in front of him turns around- and they know each other.

I stood back by the gum laughing as I watch my friend almost in slow motion taking everything out of the basket- and I am reading his mind-

He is doing everything he can to wait till the very last moment to take the condoms out because she keeps talking instead of walking…away.

He reluctantly pulls the condoms out and places them down.

She gives a strange- half smile and says her goodbyes.

He and I crack up- but as we walk back to the truck- both acknowledge how easily a rumor can start.

Just like that- him and I in Target- he is buying condoms- and just like that!

She gets the impression we are hooking up and maybe goes and tells her friend… and her friend tells her friend…

Wild fire-

When not an ounce of truth exists in that story.

Kind of like now-

Did you know the rumor is I am a nympho because I write about sex?

That one makes me laugh-

Oh- and I am a nympho because my press photo shoot has me lying on a bed in a man’s dress shirt…

Rumors- we all have taken part in them-

Either by adding to the conversation when someone is being talked about- or not saying a word in defense as someone is being talked about.

Today- will you make the decision with me as you read this, to not be part of the rumor mill?-

I know I am going to leave the rumors up to Bananarama!!!

I have a really good guy friend.

He brings me Krispy Kremes- simply because he knows how much joy they bring to me.

That is a good friend-(and no he isn’t gay).

He goes to events with me when I don’t want to bring a date- but don’t want to be alone either.

He also has my back- he is the one who told me like it was in the Spider Monkey’s post-

He ended up being right.

In spite of the “When Harry met Sally” theory-

We handle friendship quite well.

Sure we have had the “conversation”-

Over $3 margarita’s and tequila shots-

The “maybe we should hook up” drunken talk…

But we both know- we would never date- so why ruin a friendship?

And like that? We go back to neutral.

He thinks like a man and well… I think like a man most times (unless I like someone and then I am 100% girl).

Example- we are sitting having drinks in a crowd and a girl there is innocently talking about her dog and his toys and how they are missing a bunch of them and she has no idea where the dog hides them.

She says- “Like right now- he is missing two balls and a cong.”

Well- I burst out laughing- the only one in the group besides who? My good guy friend-

He and I both could find a sexual innuendo anytime- any place… Mass…a funeral…

We have DMS- I guess…

Dirty Mind Syndrome.

Friendship-

As a girl? I love my close girl friends- I love the support and the bond and the inner power that is nurtured when women are with other like- minded women.

But I love my men. I don’t know what I would do without my guy friends.

They keep me grounded. I love the silence and the spaces in between-

How we can be driving along and not have to speak a word and there is none of that uncomfortable anticipation of who is going to fill up the space.

I am a man lover.

Not a man hater.

You won’t hear man bashing from me- and that annoys a lot of my girl friends.

Women like to say men are so simple.

On the contrary-

Men are complex- you will notice this- if you take the time to sit with them. And let them be- without trying to form them or mold them or speak for them or project on to them.

Like a glass of scotch.

When that scotch hits your tongue- there are so many different dances happening in one moment-

Scotch- complex… yet simple.

Men- complex…yet simple.

And just like my scotch- I don’t like my men watered down.

That is why today- I am writing about my man friendsJ

The ones who tell me what I need to hear- not what I want to hear.

The ones who do kind things for me not because they have an agenda (well, maybe subconscious agenda) – but because they want to do something nice or see me smile.

The ones who care enough about me and our friendship to have a confrontation if need be- who see past any weakness I have and understand that they don’t make up the whole of who I am.

The ones who sit and watch sports with me and during commercial breaks take the time to explain to me what the hell just happened.

The ones who when I want to go for a drink- man up -even if they have had a 12 hour day and just feel like sitting on the couch and having a beer.

The ones who when they look at me?- sometimes I feel the most beautiful- because they transcend the physical and stand by me -because they truly have found something within me that they find worth standing for.

I am going to declare this day “NATIONAL GUY FRIEND APPRECIATION DAY!”

To all my guy friends-

Big- GIANT hug and kiss!!!!

You are very much appreciated.