Rumors…
Ugly little things- they start off small and grow into something uncontainable.
Kind of like a wild fire- and like a wild fire- it destroys.
If there is one thing I am passionate about – it is helping people become more aware of the power of their words and the absolute stupidity that comes with believing you actually know the truth about a person or a story if you are not that person!
When I was 25 years old I owned a hair salon. And one of the girls renting from me found out I had never been to a club dancing or had ever had alcohol-
So that night she dragged me out to a club- not a good one either.
But I danced the whole night! And I could dance~ I remember she kept ordering me what she drank- mandarin vodka something or other-because I had no idea what to get to drink.
Well- I was like a kid let loose at a candy shop.
I loved to dress up- show off my body-since up to that point I never did.
It was the time of Britney Spears naval phenomenon-
And I had great abs- did 1000 crunches a day at that point- so I always wore sexy little numbers.
I went out with my girlfriends at the time and I lived it up for about a year.
NOT ONCE- did I ever go home with someone- kiss a stranger- NOTHING.
My best friend on the other hand would leave me on the middle of the dance floor and suddenly I would look around and see she had left me there to go home with someone.
I still remember the first time I heard the rumor get back to me that I was going out all the time and hooking up.
I don’t know what shocked me more- the fact that it was said by someone I had never met or laid eyes on in my life- or the fact that I had not had sex once that year.
It hurt-
Almost as much as the time I was dating a guy who was the manager of a restaurant.
I was sooooo naïve-
He would get off and come to my place at around 3 am- I didn’t get then why he was like the energizer bunny every night- but I do now.
Eventually his contact solution was left at my place- then a tooth brush appeared.
He was the first to say I love you. I still remember how awkward I felt because it was all moving so fast and it was as if I was along for the ride- that was taking place in my own life.
To make a very long story short- I caught him cheating twice in the same weekend- with two different women.
One his ex girlfriend-
The other was someone that we had been at a dinner with- Thanksgiving if I remember correctly.
He was blatantly flirting with her in front of me and all our friends.(this was the night before he was with his ex)-
Anyway- I called him on it- we got into a fight- I left- he didn’t come home that night.
I was young- so young. And had a lot to learn and catch up on.
I called his best friend- he said to come over.
I drove over to his condo- he told me he knew where my boyfriend was- at this girl’s town house-the girl he was flirting with that when I confronted him about he went irate on me…I now understand why- but then I didn’t get it.
I didn’t believe it- so his best friend told me her address and said drive there- see it with your own eyes- then move on because you deserve better.
I drove to the address and there were a ton of townhomes- and there was his car.
I went up to the door and rang the door bell.
She came to the door- with a smile on her face- telling me he wasn’t there. I told her I knew he was there and that I would sit there all day if I had to until he got his coward a$% outside and looked me in the eye.
A few minutes passed and he came out-
I sat as he lied for an hour- telling me all kinds of stories and excuses- telling me he loved me…
I left and went home- it took me a long time to move on and get over the shock of it-
They got married less than a year later-
Then he cheated on her and got a girl pregnant-
They got divorced and as far as I know-he is now married to the girl he got pregnant and is happy…
I say all of that to say this-
When people started asking him why we broke up- because he went around telling EVERYBODY- how much he loved me- how crazy he was about me…
Then in one night- we are over and he is with someone new-
In order to save himself the embarrassment of having to fess up to his cheating and mistakes-
He told people “Oh- yeah- she was crazy…”-
I can’t tell you how much that devastated me-
To not only deal with the infidelity and the shock of the lies-
But then to have to watch as he made me the scapegoat to save himself-
After years of study and dissecting my own life and my responsibility in what I have created in relationships- I truly get why he did it- and why I was the way I was…
I now get that “she is crazy” is the standard line given by most men when not wanting to own up to their mistakes. I have heard it said about my girlfriends- women I love and know well-
I now have compassion and I know that is why I have had the experiences I have had- to learn…
Years later I ran into him- and the next day I was at my salon when he walked up and called me outside-
He apologized for what he had done- truly looked me in the eye and took responsibility.
But rumors…
They tear down- they do not build up. The truth is they tear down the person spreading and making them up- just as much as the person they are targeting.
And speaking of Target…
This is how easy it can happen.
My good guy friend and I are hanging out on Sunday.
We have known each other for around 10 years or so.
Never ever have we been physical- he has with all my friends- but him and I? Never…
He wanted to go to Target to get some things for his house-
On the way he is rattling off all the things he needs to get-
One of them being- condoms.
We laugh- because he talked about how long it has been since he bought the last ones.
We get into Target- we go around with the little basket gathering things.
Then we get to the condom aisle- he picks his out and puts them in the basket under everything else.
We again laugh about how awkward it is buying them- he asks if girls feel that way about tampons-
I reply- “Maybe when we are teenagers but then we get over it.”
We pick a line to check out and wouldn’t you know as he begins emptying the basket- the girl in front of him turns around- and they know each other.
I stood back by the gum laughing as I watch my friend almost in slow motion taking everything out of the basket- and I am reading his mind-
He is doing everything he can to wait till the very last moment to take the condoms out because she keeps talking instead of walking…away.
He reluctantly pulls the condoms out and places them down.
She gives a strange- half smile and says her goodbyes.
He and I crack up- but as we walk back to the truck- both acknowledge how easily a rumor can start.
Just like that- him and I in Target- he is buying condoms- and just like that!
She gets the impression we are hooking up and maybe goes and tells her friend… and her friend tells her friend…
Wild fire-
When not an ounce of truth exists in that story.
Kind of like now-
Did you know the rumor is I am a nympho because I write about sex?
That one makes me laugh-
Oh- and I am a nympho because my press photo shoot has me lying on a bed in a man’s dress shirt…
Rumors- we all have taken part in them-
Either by adding to the conversation when someone is being talked about- or not saying a word in defense as someone is being talked about.
Today- will you make the decision with me as you read this, to not be part of the rumor mill?-
I know I am going to leave the rumors up to Bananarama!!!
