Amy Venezia

 

 

 

“Crack is whack.”

 

 

That is all I remember of the interview between Whitney Houston and Diane Sawyer.

 

 

I remember sitting a little confused, remote control in hand, finger on the channel button ready to go on to the next station…

 

 

Until I heard that one line.

 

 

 

“Crack is whack.”

 

 

 

“ Is this one of those times when a negative really means a positive? Whack being an actual good thing to her?”, I thought to myself.

 

 

Because by the looks of it I would say crack and whack had moved in and taken over what I and a lot of other people considered to be a phenomenal talent.

 

 

Now, seven years later, my Mother calls me this morning to tell me to turn on the TV because, Whitney is performing for the first time in years.

 

 

There is nothing I despise more than TV on in the morning. But, knowing my Mother would be calling back and I would have to give a report back to her of my thoughts on it all, I decided to get the “cliff notes” version of Whitney’s comeback.

 

 

TV on in other room, I made some tea, passed through just long enough to get a glimpse of a healthy looking Whitney.

 

 

Then putting on my gym clothes I cracked open the bedroom door just enough to hear a few bars of her song.

 

 

I sat on the edge of the bed and thought to myself how beautiful it is when you see people heal their lives. When WE heal our lives.

 

 

I am a full believer in the possibility that people can change. That we can go from the most unhealthy, imbalanced ways of being- to making the full choice in clarity to become whole.

 

 

No one has the right to tell us we can’t change. We can’t heal. We can’t become better people. We can’t take control of our addictions. WE have the full power to change anything in our lives.

 

 

People who fly the banner of “a leopard can’t change its spots” , are people who find it hard to trust and in that lack of inner trust- project that judgment onto others.

 

 

I don’t share this often and many don’t know- but at the age of 12 I witnessed my own miracle of what unconditional love and belief that anyone can heal brings.

 

 

I grew up in a war zone.

 

 

My Father never even raised his voice until he got drunk and my parents had horrible arguments that resulted in domestic violence.

 

 

My Father was and is one of the most giving and loving souls. But, he was in great pain. And, so was my Mother.

 

 

As a child, I never saw the flaws more than I saw the goodness. I refused to believe that this was all there was for family or for my parents.

 

 

As a child I would sit my Father down and say, “ Dad, this is not who you are. You are greater than this. You need to look inside and help yourself.”

 

 

At 7 years old I wrote God a letter. A letter that my Father still carries in his wallet today.

 

 

It said somewhere a long the lines of “ Jesus- you, God and the Angels are the best people I have ever met(I was 7 years old ,give me a break:). You made this beautiful world. The ocean, all the birds and every human being. I know if you can do that, you can help my Daddy stop drinking.”

 

 

At 12 years old I sat my Dad down for one last talk. And this time, with tears down my Father’s face, he said he was ready to heal and asked me to go with him to talk to the man who was my Youth pastor at the time.

 

 

That day, my Father came home and sat us down. Asked forgiveness for his actions and stopped drinking that day.

 

 

He never lost his temper again. Him and my mother healed their marriage. My Mother healed from the hurt. They are the best of friends, still married after 45 years of marriage.

 

 

 

Their love for each other was stronger than the pain and the dysfunction.

 

 

My love for my Father was stronger than what would seem to be the “reality” of the situation.

 

 

It is hard for me to share this story, because my Father changed. And I don’t feel the right to bring up his mistakes. But, I know he is proud of himself and our family and the love we share, and I know he is not ashamed to talk about his journey and his healing.

 

 

I share this to say- there is no one on this planet incapable of healing.

 

 

No one.

 

And, we should always choose… no matter how hard, to stay focused on a person’s goodness, that they may be reminded too- of that part of themselves.

 

 

In listening to Whitney Houston this morning, she said it was her faith and the LOVE of her family and friends that helped her to choose health.

 

 

Who in your life today, maybe even yourself, can you show love and faith in healing to?

 

 

Just  a question…

 

 

 

 

 

BOREDOM:

·     the feeling of being bored by something tedious .

 

·     Boredom is an emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity or when individuals are uninterested in the activities presented to them. …

·     Boredoms (ボアダムス) (or, more recently, V∞redoms) is a noise rock band from Osaka, Japan. The band was officially formed in 1986 …

·     A chosen state of mind brought on by laziness and the firm belief that others are in charge of the so supposedly afflicted person’s own excitement …

 

So, I am getting my coffee yesterday,

And my cute Barista (I say cute because I know he is reading this, and well…he is cuteJ) asks me how my writing is going.

I explain to him I have a bit of writer’s block, which I am dealing with only in the way I know how, by ignoring it.

He suggests that I need someone to ask me a question that I can attempt to answer, hence moving through the block…

I ask him if he is volunteering the question to be answered.

He thinks about it and replies with this-

“The challenge I am facing right now in my relationship is a little boredom with it. What do I do about that?”

Hmmm… I grab my coffee- thank him for the subject suggestion and leave to go home and write.

Only to distract myself by calling my best friend to see what she is doing- a couple of beers and a frozen pizza later -I find that I am no further to answering his question than when he initially asked it.

Boredom, the root of all trouble.

Or maybe I should say the root of all change.

Let’s look at the definitions above, shall we?

Boredom- the definitions laced with words such as tedious, lacking, uninterested, laziness…

Oh, and a noise, Japanese, rock band- if only that could apply here.

What does a person do, once in a committed relationship, when boredom rears its little head?

And it will…at one point or another.

My first reaction is to look at it with complete logic-

When I get bored with anything else in life, how do I handle it to get a different result?

Well, let’s see…

When I am bored with writing, I simply put it down and walk away until I feel the draw back to it.

When I am bored with my workout routine? I stop going to the gym and opt for exercising outdoors.

When I am bored with a pair of shoes? I go and buy a new pair and eventually come back and wear the old pair again and viola’! I am no longer bored.

When I am bored with a drink, a type of food, a piece of clothing or hand bag… I simply stop, put it down and go on to something different.

One thing is for certain- in almost all the cases? I eventually come back to the old and enjoy it again.

Where did we ever get the idea that in every single other area of life it is normal to become bored and complacent, except in relationships???

Who told us this lie?

And who sprinkled that lie with a good dose of guilt and shame just in case we decided to question it?

If married or living with a person, we spend at the least, 10 hours of a 24 hour day with that person on average.

Tell me, who else, what else and where else do I spend that kind of time?

Besides work?

And we all know statistically how many people are miserable  with their work.

Resentful for having to fork over that many hours of a lifetime to something they don’t even love, much less like.

So are we supposed to just accept that this is the way love and relationships must be too?

And I wonder- is it men or women that become bored more quickly in a long term relationship?

Men have the natural hunter instinct- NATURAL- so when that is over and he comes home every day and she is just “there”- with no challenge or intrigue about it- where does he find excitement?

On the other hand, maybe women have it all figured out here.

You know how most women are rarely satisfied with the way their men are and are constantly trying to change them?

Maybe that is a woman’s way of almost guaranteeing a bored-free relationship.

Because chances are, the man is never going to live up to or change to the expectations set before him, and if he does? It is the woman’s prerogative to change them again… therefore it is always a “what if”…for the woman- a challenge- an unfinished, unfulfilled desire- which in turn is a constant underlined feeling of “maybe today”…something to look forward to.

Kind of like a cat and mouse game.

I don’t have the magical answers as to how to cure or even avoid boredom in a relationship-

Except for the common sense answer of taking responsibility in yourself for it.

The only way to cure boredom in anything is to switch gears and change it up.

There has to be change in order for boredom to go away.

Where there is change, boredom cannot exist.

I guess it depends on the individual as to how extreme that change needs to be.

Could be a simple slight shift in everyday routine.

Or less time together as to promote the absence makes the heart grow founder change…

Or, a change in activities.

Or, if you are a swinger, a change in partners-LOL…

 

To avoid boredom, you need to keep the change:)

What are your thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I could be a Fairy God Mother-

The things  I would sprinkle some magic on –

Are human beings judging one another and themselves.

If that part of the human condition was removed- love would be the only transaction between two people…

Love would be what people would use…get high on…fill up with…

Then again, I guess it is judgment -that when truly examined- shows us the things within that are asking for a little tune up- a little check and balance-

A little rotation and alignment.

A little change.

Being out on the street last night- filming a new episode of VSTREET-

It wasn’t difficult to get people to talk about relationships-

It wasn’t until the word “SEX” came out of my mouth that you could sense the nervousness in people to open up…

Totally understandable when you have a microphone hooked up to you and a camera in your face.

One point made with all the interviews is how much relationships are changing-

And should change.

Our world is changing at light speed-

Every day.

What used to work no longer works.

That is obvious.

Yet people- in fear- instead of pressing through to the new and improved way of doing it-

Are either standing still- stuck and deluded-

Or trying to still cling on to the old.

Discontentment- the main result.

We cannot  and will not stop change.

And when we try to- or try to ignore it- we become numb- stuck- sexed up- drugged up- judgmental- dissatisfied-frustrated-aggressive-controlling-

Miserable.

One thing I have noticed is people are no longer feeling the need to be in relationships.

I understand this-

I am there at the moment-

Completely satisfied- loving my friends- my work and career- my relationship with myself.

I love going out- I love staying home- I love my freedom.

I know that will not last forever- it is peaks and valleys of life-

And one day I will wake up and be ready to share my life- to witness someone else’s- to be with someone.

It is like a pendulum- we swing from one extreme to the other-

From my parent’s generation that stayed together no matter what-

To my generation that high tails it at the first boring- mundane moment.

Eventually the pendulum will settle in the middle.

Someone asked me last night if there is no hope- for love and relationships-

Quite the contrary-

When we find the balance- it will be the best of both beliefs- and that will be -

MAGIC…