Amy Venezia

I truly have no idea what to write about today…

So, here I go…

I am going through change. Lots of changes….

I’m finding the things that used to feel good to me don’t so much…anymore.

I am feeling the things that used to fulfill me are coming to an end.

Times like these used to scare me…

Until I realized that what Aristotle had to say was actually true…

Nature does abhor a vacuum.

When something changes…when something is lost…it is against the laws of nature for that newly created space to stay empty for long.

That is why I am always cleaning house.

OCD about cleaning my inner house…

Always taking the trash out.

Trash that piles up from habitual thoughts, listening to other people’s opinions, beliefs I have become addicted to because they are all I have known…

Trash that comes with still struggling with personal, unconditional love…the kind that allows me to see my imperfections as perfection- All the thoughts that cloud and skew ones own ability to see beauty in the flaws.

Amazing how much clutter we accumulate on an every day basis just from being present on this planet.

When is the last time you cleaned house? Got rid of a limiting belief or two? Examined your heart to see where you could create more room for it to expand?

When is the last time you created a space for nature to fill back up again with something new and challenging?

Just some thoughts…

Some of the best things come out of left field…I think that is where “they” make the magic…and then just throw it out to people that are willing to play.

You have to be open.

I am finding that the more flexible I become in life, the more life acts like my own personal genie…opening to me as I open to it.

I see a lot of people around me…even me at times…talking out of both sides of the mouth.

You can say you want something, even complain about what seems to be the  “lack” of it in your life…

But if you are not willing to cast the net of your imagination out further…to actually be open to the possibility of what you are wanting showing up for you in your life…”lack” will haunt your days.

I am a firm believer we all have the exact lives we choose to have.

The biggest fabrication ever told? That we are helpless victims.

Every one of us came equipped with a natural master builder contained within our DNA. I believe that. We are the engineers…the architects…the decorators…the builders. We get to draw up our blue prints.

We build our own lives brick by brick.

You have to be open.

To the responsibility of that belief. To spontanity. To trusting that everything you need will come to you exactly the precise moment you need it.

You have to be open to receiving from left field.

You have to put your order in and watch as it gets thrown to you in ways you never even conceived possible…yet, somehow it is perfection.

Are you open to life? To letting go of stories and beliefs that keep you living like a victim? Are you open to the magic of throwing a wish to the sky and watching how it falls back to where you are…like your own personal fireworks?

Are you open to creating a beautiful life?

Let go of the things that limit you…be willing to play in left field…if even for a moment. It might surprise you, the things that unfold…

I got an email from a reader yesterday asking me what kind of woman I am striving to be.

That if motherhood, or being a wife, or climbing the corporate ladder are not priorities… then what I am striving to be?

Good question.

The first thing that came to me is… I hope to be more than one woman.

I would like to believe I am more than one woman.

Not flat or predictable, but three dimensional.

I am sensitive enough that I can feel every woman in me…when I sit still and just be…

The wise one.

The level headed one.

The sexy siren one.

The seductress.

The romancer.

The mother.

The sister.

The lover.

The seeker.

The dreamer.

The innocent.

The giver.

The taker.

A kaleidoscope of attributes.

That is what I hope for.

That I may never settle or fall asleep in the box.

That I may never allow some person to spoon feed me a belief.

That I never stay too long in one attribute as to stop the flow of creativity that comes with embracing it all.

Allowing it all.

Being it all.

Does that make sense?

I look at being human as a masterpiece painting.

Masterpiece paintings were never flat or one dimensional; they were vibrant, exquisite detail, layer upon layer… They told a story. There was mystery; with each person who had the privilege to lay their eyes on a masterpiece, came their own unique interpretation. Because, that masterpiece was created in such brilliant flow that no one interpretation could ever be considered absolute.

That is what I strive to be…my own unique masterpiece.

How about you?

For someone childlike, sometimes I catch myself being naïve.

There are rewards to being a sensitive person. Better creativity- heightened senses with all things pleasurable- the ability to empathize and connect- the ability to hear the whisper in life that most people will go their whole existence never hearing.

Being sensitive also has its downfalls.

Being naïve and being childlike are two very different things. Both take sensitivity.

Childlike faith gives everyone the benefit of the doubt knowing there is a potential of human error.

 Naïve gives the benefit of the doubt like a fool, blindly…

Childlike faith opens up to a person knowing that person just might devastate.

Naïve opens up to a person and when that person does devastate, turns from fool to victim.

Childlike faith may hurt for the moment, sit down and cry and let it all out…but will get back up and start playing again. Childlike faith will never be intimidated by other players on the playground of life.

Naive will sit and pout…wasting hours upon hours of a life over someone else’s actions.

Childlike faith lets a person in, but is always aware…

Naïve opens up and takes their eyes off their own life…allowing the sucker punch.

Naïve lends love.

Childlike faith gives it freely knowing it will never run out.

In everyday life, do you find yourself childlike or naïve? Whichever you choose in any given moment will be the rudder that guides the ship of your experience.

What is love, baby don’t hurt me…don’t hurt me…no more.

I just had to start with that so you have that song stuck in your head all day:).

I am realizing more and more with every passing moment that love is nothing…absolutely nothing that I have been trained and brainwashed to believe.

I have known this…but it seems that now more than ever I am realizing I am clueless…and that is OK.

It is OK because when I say “clueless”, I mean that my head is finally out of it.

When I look at all the pain and hard times I have experienced with love…

I never thought I would be able to look at it and say, “Thank you.”

Thank you, pain.

Thank you, heartbreak.

Thank you, betrayal.

Thank you, disappointment.

Thank you, rejection.

Thank you, deceit.

Thank you, withholding.

Thank you, teachers.

All of these things, the sum of them all, are what I owe my salvation to.

Ironic.

In all these things I learned to stand on my own- to finally listen to my voice- to stand up for myself- to trust my instincts- to realize I can attach to nothing- to drop possessiveness- to release unrealistic expectations…

These unrealistic, fairytale-esque expectations are the weeds that choke out the beauty and growth of a love over time.

When you stop expecting happiness to come through the opposite sex, when there isn’t a drop of need in you to have that in order to feel validated or secure or confident…that is when the sky opens and love drops in.

Love being the connection and acknowledgement of another person; being in the moment.

Trusting it…just trusting it.

Not needing to ask the questions…or cling…or figure it out…or have a guarantee.

This is the beauty in growing old.

Every year you learn to fall in love with yourself.

Every betrayal leads you back home…to you.

Every experience becomes the most precious gift…those people who hurt you? You find the utmost love and respect for; because they gave something greater than even the people in your life that showed up with love.

In asking the question over the years, “What is love”…sticking with it…fists to the sky demanding an answer no matter what that answer comes disguised in…

With that…I don’t have to ask “Baby don’t hurt me…don’t hurt me…no more” .

It is my choice. I am not a victim. I am not some helpless soul at the mercy of anyone.

I am grateful…oh so grateful for where I find myself to be.

Can you tell?:)

Thank you…to my lessons and teachers…for bringing me to the place where I can be free.

How about you? Can you look at your past and embrace it for the value it brought you? Can you look at a hurt from a different angle and extract a gift from it?

Can you break the boundaries of fear and let love in and just be?

Just some thoughts…

Perception.

I don’t like it when life gives me a little lesson in the area of perception.

I have always been the type that will do things from my own unique standpoint, usually opposite of the box people would put that action in…just so I can push the imposed boundaries perception places on me.

Let’s take going out as an instance.

I love to dance, to listen to good music, to laugh with my friends. Do dress up in some sexy stilettos and be all woman…

That right there places me in a “box” to those on the outside who don’t know me, don’t know my values, don’t know my heart.

I realized this last night.

Ever had one of those times when someone can say something to you …one little sentence, that just turns on the light in your head?

I have learned over the years that perception is the most skewed version of sight that there is.

Perception always goes through a person’s individual filter. That filter is always made from that person’s individual fears, experiences, preconceived notions…judgment.

In this instance, I may love to go out…but you will not find one person that I have ever gone home with. You won’t find a person you can say I have met out and hooked up with, you won’t find me talking to guys…unless I know them.

I don’t go out with same intentions as others. I don’t dress sexy with the same intention as others. I am probably one of the most spotless in the room when it comes to hooking up or meeting people.

The light that went off in my head last night is you can use someone else’s perceptions as either a way to balance and shift things in your life, or you can use them to trip you up and sensor who you are.

Last night, I used a perception as a way to balance and shift something that I didn’t necessarily see prior to that perception.

I realized I have spent most of my life as a little personal crusader against the box.

“Oh, you want to put me there and think that of me just because….well, ok then. I will do it all the more because I know who I am and will not be put into your neat, little box with your neat, little label.”

That has been my life stance.

I am realizing I don’t have to be that way anymore. I don’t have to take on society’s blind ignorance single handedly, like a some kind of superhero. I realized last night that I can hang up my ‘in your face’ attitude and find some balance.

How about you? What do you do with other people’s perceptions when they become targeted at you?

Do you take them and use them to ask yourself some questions? Just to see if there can be a little rotate and balance on some things you might be participating in?

Or do you do as I have done in the past, and let your pride deter you from gaining a new insight or two?

Perceptions may be a skewed version of sight, and never should one take on another’s perception as truth…

But at the end of the day it can allow you to see something from a new and different angle…giving you the choice to stay as you are, or shift a few things…

Just some thoughts…

Be careful what you wish for…you will get it.

These days; this time on our planet… Don’t know if you have noticed?

When you think something, there it is.

When you think about a person you haven’t seen in a long time, there they are running into you.

When you think of another and how they might be, your phone rings…them on the other line.

When you fear something…guess what? There you find it.

When you desire something…and your whole intent is behind it…you get it.

Is anyone else experiencing this?

I don’t know about you, but I am ready to ride it to the fullest.

Let go of my fears. The stupid stories that have held me back.

I am ready to say, ‘Get out of my way!” to anything blocking me from what I want for my life.

I went along time without a break.

Felt like I was wandering in the desert. No help. No luck. No relief.

A long time.

I never gave up. I never let it get me down for long periods of time.

I didn’t let it break me.

I want to say tonight, if you are someone who hasn’t seen a break in a very long time…if it seems you go day in and day out…if it seems the fist in the sky is clenched…if it seems there is just enough to ensure you stay alive…like a cat and mouse game…if it seems there is no hope…

If you are tired…hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I am telling you.

One day you are going to wake up and it is all going to fall into place. Effortlessly.

The struggle? Over.

But you will have gained the strength of the world.

You will know what it means to rely only on your inner light and you will find you finally know exactly who you are.

Because you were tried, tested, under fire…

Now, you are a diamond.

Now, you get to shine.

Hold on.

I promise you, your  help is coming.

Some days I have random thoughts of wanting to put on a bandana…throw out every speck of make up and every last stiletto…move to a foreign country where I will throw myself into service to others…

One thing I have realized in talking with other people as of late, a lot of people are feeling the pull to get real.

I am finding more and more that I have no tolerance for fake; for the superficial. I don’t have time for the games or the run around. Don’t want to invest a moment of my time in something or someone who is not authentic.

I can understand why it is tough for some people to get real. We live in a society where to be unique or different is to be like one of those giant whale carcasses’s being devoured this week on “Shark Week”.

You ask a majority of people what they what to do in life…who they would truly be if they could, and most have no answer. Most have no answer because they are sleep walking through life.

If you don’t ask yourself the questions you will never uncover the answers. If you never ask yourself what it is you truly want to be doing with this life, you will continue sleep walking through your life. Going through motions, showing up day in day out at a place you are not fully present in.

We are not here to survive. Americans live that way. SURVIVE. 9 to 5. Two week vacation,  if lucky. Go home from the routine and watch reality TV. Kill some aliens or other people on a video game. Set the alarm clock.

Get up and do it all over again.

It is like the first post I wrote in this challenge. If you don’t ask the question…if you don’t pull the thread…the limitations will not unravel. The obstacles will not unravel. You will stay stuck.

Have you asked yourself what it is you truly want right now? How do you want to be loved? What types of friends do you really want around you? How about your finances? What do you want to rent your hours to in life??

That is essentially what you are doing…renting hours of your life. To a 9-5? To a job that doesn’t fulfill you? To a boss that mistreats you?

Ask the questions. You will find the answers open a gateway to new experiences in your life. New experiences that will bring you closer to what it is you really want .

Text or good old fashioned phone call?

A friend on Facebook messaged me a while ago about this. Saying it would be a good topic to write about…

Specifically, he asked me “If you gave a guy your number and his first contact with you was through a text message, would you ditch him?”

I really didn’t know how to answer that at the time.

The written word is my first language. So, texting and email is a communication I enjoy. However, I have just now figured out that while I am being just as open, vulnerable,  and honest in that type of communication as I am in verbal communication…a lot of people aren’t.

My answer is no, I would not ditch the guy. I don’t mind text, but I guess some women do.

However, it did get me thinking…

Where is the heart in connections anymore?

Seems to me a heartfelt experience with a person is becoming close to extinction in society today.

Who picks up the phone and actually makes a phone call these days?

Those of us still living from the heart…still fighting to keep that language alive, we get looked at like an alien with three heads when we reach out to people. There must be something wrong with you, or you’re crazy, or you want something… must have an agenda.

Couldn’t be that you just truly want to reach out and get to know a person. No…that is weird to most these days.

I adore hand written letters. I take the time to write them. I seal the envelope with wax. It is romantic and a beautiful, heartfelt gesture.

Who really does that anymore?

When was the last time a stranger approached you and you weren’t suspicious about them?

Or how about… when was the last time you gave someone the benefit of the doubt? Overlooked their past? Pressed the “refresh” button and looked at them through new eyes?

I had epiphany.

 All my life I have felt different. My heart is open and people with the best intentions have told me over and over to close it. I have been raked over the coals of false judgment and misunderstandings from people who live from their heads and think it is crazy to actually take a leap, risk getting hurt, or being vulnerable to the point of transparency.

Crazy of me to put all my cards on the table at the get go and say, I would rather look you in the eyes and have a genuine conversation than to play the game.

My epiphany was that if a majority of society is living from their head and not their heart, then my “differences” are absolute beautiful and rare gifts given to me…not for judgment…but for truly LIVING life the way it is meant to be lived.

I am like an HDTV with a built in blue ray DVD…everything I sense, see, feel, hear, and experience is kicked up a notch because I, thank the heavens above, came into this life with heart wide open. And no matter how many people have tried, whether conscious or unconscious, to close it…it is just never going to happen.

I will not change.

I will not pretend to be something I am not, just so I can fit in and be accepted.

I will not cower or turn down my light so others can feel comfortable in their darkness…

How about you? You with me? You living your life heart wide open? You have your light on full blast? Are you allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of feelings?

Are your every day connections and experiences playing out in black and white or like that HDTV I mentioned earlier?

To what depth are you allowing your connections to touch you?

It isn’t about the type of communication, whether an email, text, phone call, or face to face conversation. It is about how open your heart is in all of these things.

 Don’t let technology drain the love out of your connections-

Heart wide open…the only way to live this life.

Someone wrote me and asked if I believe in love at first sight.

I believe in love at first sight more than I believe in anything.

A lot of people will not agree with me.

That is ok…

Love at first sight has a different meaning to me than I think it does to most.

I think when we first look into the eyes of that person who moves us in such a way…

As if they are a conductor and your body and heart the symphony…as soon as you connect, everything in you begins to play a silent melody…and that person knows the score…every little note, by heart.

When that happens, that is Divinity on earth.

That is an uncensored, first acknowledgment of another person’s soul. Free from your fears- happens so fast that you are not able to weigh the feeling down with your habitual projections and judgments.

It is the one time that true love leaps from your essence like a bolt…so strong…so laser beamed…that no human condition can attach itself to it.

It is stunning. It is magical.

It is not of this world.

That is love. Where there is no attachment; just a simple acknowledgment of the beauty of another’s essence.

It isn’t lust. It isn’t physical.

It is Divinity blowing you a kiss in that moment.

Where it gets screwed up is as soon as we return to our body/ego we start the judgment filter. The neediness. The projections. The human way of connecting with people.

So, when someone says, “Love” at first sight. I truly think, “LOVE”.  Not what society says love is.

Love, being fully present in one single moment…the Godliness in you vibrating to that other person, “I recognize the Godliness in you, too.”

What could be more beautiful than that?

Unfortunately, cynicism is the blocker of such magic.

Many will never experience it. What a shame.

Many, who are used to connecting on a casual level, will only experience the lustful version of this.

They won’t allow their hearts to be that open…

I believe each one of us has our own little built in Cupid. It is meant to be light- a reminder of the beauty within us all.

It is meant to remind is to lighten up…let love in…appreciate it like a masterpiece painting before us.

Most of us will never go to a gallery or museum and lay eyes on a masterpiece and then take it home.

No…but if you truly appreciate art, you will sit in that moment and bask in its perfection. You will take a mental picture. You will acknowledge its uniqueness. You will leave feeling you have just had the honor to witness something great…

Same with love at first sight.