Amy Venezia

Someone asked me today at lunch how to get over an offense…when someone comes a long and just knocks the wind out of your sails…of course, my answers back were sarcastic- did get me thinking though… and so I have compiled this list:

1. Buy a bottle of red wine and chocolate chip cookies for dinner…breakfast too.

2. Give yourself permission to carry on like a crazy personwhen you’re alone  in your car, saying exactly what it is you think and feel…out loud.

3. Shake your head back and forth and repeat the word, “unbelievable” over and over again.

4. Skip all vegetables, protein or anything that does not consist of carbs or alcohol.

5. Drive by a couple holding hands or jogging together and scream “LOVE BITES” out the window…

6. Delete their number from your phone…then put it back in…then delete it again…then put it back in…then delete it again…

7. Find a friend who has had some form of injury or recent surgery and tell them you are in pain and could use one of those little “pills”…proceed to sleep it off for two days.

8. Shake your head back and forth…repeat…

9. Rearrange all your furniture until your bedroom doesn’t resemble the scene of the crime(s).

10.  Count up every last penny you spent on that person and then buy yourself a sexy pair of shoes of equal value.

11.  For every single thing that person did or said to make you feel less than what you are? Do something for yourself that reminds you of your value.

12.  Sit outside and play the “Bless you” game. For every single person you lay eyes on say- “ Bless you” in your mind to them. After about the 5^th one you feel better.

13.  Write a song about it. Even if you don’t know how…just write some concoction of words and emotions and then sing it to the top of your lungs in the shower.

14.  Give yourself permission to use profanities. Lots and lots of them.

15.  Find a mustard seed size of gratitude…for the fact that if you are hurt? That means your heart is still thriving in a world where most are living from their head.

After much consideration, I have come to the decision to take a little break from my writing and from my computer…

I have always been aware and responsible with the power of words and the energy and emotion that set them in motion.

I want to write and express from a better place than I find myself in this moment.

I won’t be gone long…and I apologize to my readers for any disappointment in taking this time during my 365 day challenge.

Now watch me, after I post this, be back on fire tomorrow…who knows. I just know I need some time within…

Thank you, always; for your beautiful contribution to my life in the form of your presence… comments…thoughts…I do not take them for granted.

Until then…

There is a “thing” in Native American beliefs called “coyote medicine”. It is when you learn lessons through being a fool…misadventure…when what you thought was one thing, turns around to be another.

It is silly. It is shadow and laughter all in one. It sucks.

But in the end…you learn if you let yourself.

Coyote medicine is mirror medicine. When you are in the middle of it, there is nowhere you can look without seeing yourself and all your faults.

Most of the times, the people you find that you open to the most are the ones who end up with coyote medicine under the disguise of lover…friend…trusted confidant.

Coyote got me again.

Just when I think I recognize its medicine…it tricks me into opening again.

Only to shove a spoonful of its bitter remedies down my throat.

Feels like a good kick in the gut…and all the while…on your way down to the ground…you hear its silly laughter…

Not mocking you…just reminding you that you cannot take anyone…anything…not even life itself and certainly not yourself…seriously.

I am going to catch my breath down here on the ground…I have learned over the years not to fight it…only makes it worse.

Just stay open…willing to learn it…and up on your feet you go again…

Until next time.

I had a guy friend tell me today that I understand men more than they understand themselves.

I seriously doubt that…but I couldn’t help but take it as a compliment. It matters to me that I have succeeded in at least half way accomplishing what most women will never even have the desire to accomplish in life…

Accept men for who they are…

Without the smoke and mirrors- without the projected fantasy.

I did the hard work. I do the hard work. I am not going to sell myself short on that.

I took the time. I took experiences that could have been devastating and I chose to extract beauty from each one of them.

I stopped fighting and looked around with eyes, mind and heart wide open. I exchanged angst and blame for the possibility to learn and understand.

I wonder how much misery, how many divorces…affairs…two people living under the same roof like roommates…what is it going to take for one of the sexes to finally say, “Enough…I want to know you…REALLY know you…dropping all judgment…I am ready to see and accept you for what you are.”

It goes both ways, but we could stay in this same stuck place for centuries to come…one of us…male or female, has got to wave the white flag.

When I hear girls and all of their anger and even worse, indifference about men it saddens me. It really does.

When I hear men put a blanket, stereotypical statement out there about women it saddens me.

Part of me feels this has been my life’s “purpose”. When I look back and see what I have gone through, experiences…it all has led up to me graduating from the boot camp of the masculine mind.

I am not perfect. I am still 100% woman. I am still confused. I still get disappointed…frustrated…heartbroken.

But it just doesn’t shake or shatter me like it used to. It doesn’t conjure up a fiery anger in me.

I don’t point out anymore…I ask.

Why?

Then I listen; without interruption or buts.

I just listen.

Men want to talk.

Men want to be understood.

Men want to be accepted.

Men have learned to play the game just as much as women have. They are a product of that game. Women too.

I look around me and I see people unwilling to put down the game. Not even aware of the game. People who play house with each other-relationships that have no depth in their communication- women who act and choose to be blissfully unaware of their man’s unauthenticated motions in almost all things because he is just trying to keep peace and please her.  

Men who knowingly lie day in and day out. Lose their voice. Lose their opinions. Walk around like little pressure cookers…ready to explode at any minute. Yet, this is what they choose every day; to play a game.

I will not have it- in my life, or in my relationships. Some moments I think it is a curse.

All I have to do in those moments is take one look at the zombies walking around me and I realize I am blessed.

I challenge every man and every woman reading this post to set out tomorrow with the intention of opening to the opposite sex. Like a favorite subject you love to study…dive in. Learn every little thing you can. Be excited to discover and excavate things you have never seen in your lifetime…

Instead of thinking men are douchebags…maybe take an unemotional step back and look at where society has helped produce douchebag behavior. Doesn’t give an excuse…or mean you have to accept things you despise. Just means you don’t judge anymore…understanding and unconditional love can change ANYTHING. I know this to be true. IT has the power to transmute like alchemy…

Maybe that is what we all need on this planet… a little alchemy…a shift…taking elements that are present in all of our genders and relationships and forming them into something entirely different and magnificent.

Challenge:)

Sometimes I get tired of human communication.

Times when I just want to go into my cave and recharge.

I am having a time like that today, already.

People’s stories exhaust me.

I don’t say that with a lack of compassion or with lack of humility.

I know I have my stories too.

It is just that sometimes, especially when you care for the person, you want to do a little dance and say, “Look at me! Look at me! Without your projections…stop throwing your fear on me…stop trying to control me or get on top! Just look at me and SEE ME!”.

All this other stuff that gets in the way of us truly connecting with one another…it is draining at times.

Everyone thinks they have the answers…especially those who are trying to walk a certain path or evolve in this life.

But sometimes I just want to say “ Get over it! You know NOTHING. I know NOTHING.”…

So, later today I am going to take some time to breathe…recharge…sit back in a space where no one can ask anything of me. Just nurture a little bit so I can come out of my cave tomorrow with a smile on my face and song in my heart:).

Anyone out there know how I am feeling right now? Sometimes you just need a break.

And just like  a commercial break, I will return after these messages:)

Day 16…

I have no idea what to write about.

Not in the mood to write at all.

Rare…I always have something going through my head.

I am going to let it be short and sweet…

And see if anyone is even really following the 365 days~

If you are, leave me a comment…about anything,..I will use my day 16 to comment back to you:).

Oh the beginnings of a new connection…

I love to watch it. It is almost cinematic to me. Like I could grab some popcorn and just observe people for hours.

Even the “older” connections entertain me too.

It is fascinating.

Like, to see a couple who first meets and they just dive right into each other. No holds barred.

You know, like a 150,000 pounds of pressure per foot:).

They stay down there and just devour each other…then they realize they have to come up for air…

And on the way up, one of them gets the bends…

All over.

Then you have the couple that is newly together…on consistent basis. He might have left a toothbrush at her place…they are in a groove.

One night,  they are sitting on the couch watching a movie…he is doing his best “fake” cuddle…all that’s going through his mind is how he wants to take a sh^* in his own bathroom and watch Sportscenter… I know that is crass…but true.

Today, I was at the grocery store and witnessed a married couple; right at the prosciutto/bacon section. She was going 90 to nothing over something about renovations to their house and what the workers had done.

I looked at him…he looked at me, like a kidnap victim would.

As if to silently say, “Help me please! I have been abducted…save me…”.

I half expected to bend over and see an illegible handwritten note on a package of bacon.

I stood there for a minute and thought to myself,” How can she be that out of tune with him that she is oblivious to the fact that he is not even present or in the slightest bit interested in the conversation?”

How could he, a grown man, not just say, “Hey, can we change the subject?” Or better yet…just change the subject??

Grocery stores are the absolute best way to observe the dance between couples. You see all kinds…the new ones on a date picking out what they are going cook that night.

You see the ones who live together and are on their weekly grocery list run.

You see the married woman dazing at the bananas like she is in a trance…all because she has worked hard all day and is now at the store and will soon be at home cooking for a husband and kids…only to start it all over again in the morning.

You see the single guy…always has cart, never one of those carry baskets. Even if he only has three things in the whole cart… beer, chips, hotdogs…always a cart.

You see the single girl…she has a carry basket…filled so high she can hardly carry it with one arm…but she refuses to get a cart. Why is that?

Try it the next time you go to the store. Pick up some cookies and just observe everyone around you. It is a petri dish of knowledge and entertainment.

Thank goodness for guy friends.

Really.

Most of the time I don’t even have to specifically ask for their advice.

In fact, most the time I just have to throw out a hypothetical situation and off they go…

Giving me the exact answer I was seeking.

Women tend to make things too difficult.

Read too much into words or actions. I am guilty of this as well.

Sometimes it takes hearing from a guy that most times…it is simply just this…

A + B= C

Not, A by the square root of B equals C divided by D…

It’s not that complicated.

We need each other. I am realizing this more and more in life. Where some people believe the differences between men and women are like some cruel joke…I believe it is actual perfection.

It really is a shame how we take our differences and use them against each other instead of taking them and using them to enhance the other.

Sometimes it is nice for men to have the eyes of a woman looking into a situation…

It is the difference between looking with natural eyes at something and then looking through binoculars at that same ‘something’.

Women have the ability to see 3D…or see right through…x-ray vision. And just like that, a man has a superhuman power…just from a woman’s perspective into something.

Sometimes women need to see something with no emotion attached. No complex web being cast over it…no expectations or prejudgments. That is when men give women the ability to see the basic structure of something…not being distracted by the rest.

I wonder what it would be like if a little gratitude and appreciation were given to each of the sexes…instead of underlined distaining of each other…if we would then begin to work it out together. This thing called life. Bringing out the best in each other; being teammates instead of enemies.

Just a thought today.

How can you appreciate the opposite sex today? Point out and acknowledge something cool about their abilities that you don’t necessarily possess in yourself?

Can you show a little respect or gratitude for the differences you see? And instead of pointing them out with cynicism, actually see them like little super human powers they’ve been given…just like you?

Can’t I be your Wonder Woman today and you be my Super Man? We have different strengths…different weaknesses…but we are in it together? Fighting for the good of all mankind?:)

Last night was the night to talk all things relationship…

Talking and listening are two distinctively different things.

I listened.

While I thought.

Which I guess is the same as talking…just not out loud:).

Is there anything Sacred anymore?

Love? The respect of another’s feelings? Selflessness?

I had my own conversation yesterday with someone that made me ask these questions.

Why is we go into relations with people strategically placing ourselves in the position of control?

We all do it. You find the person who is saying they are not a game player and I will show you a game player.

It is human nature. A protection mechanism.

So, the question that is produced from such communication is this…

Is any of it real?

The first moments? The adoration? The flow that causes you to want to pour out to that other person? The excitement when you hear from them? The desire to want to support and help that person? The attraction? The kiss? The touch? The endless night?

Any of it real?

If subconsciously we are adjusting ourselves at all times in order to defend our pride and ego…then is each move contrived?

I spoke with a man last night about arranged marriages. I know a lot of friends from cultures where this is a way of life for them.

When I first discovered and studied the “arranged” marriage I was appalled. What??? No romance? No choice? No kismet? No lust? No spontaneity?

NO WAY!

Well, I then with an open mind… listened.

Listened to the children talk about the process.

Listened to the parents speak of choosing who they feel would best for their child’s personality and ways.

Sometimes…although it is not for me…I think there is something to that.

Making a choice based on everything other than physical attraction.

Who knows. I am just thinking out loud this morning…

Sometimes I look around and I don’t recognize the world I live in anymore.

Every day I have to in some way stand diligent at the gates of my inner most treasured beliefs…

Like that love still trumps all. That is one belief I will defend till the end…

No matter what or how screwed up relationships get on this planet…

There is something still Sacred in this world…

LOVE.

Nothing can or ever will change that.

I dreamed about the ocean last night.

I felt the wet sand between my toes…

I could smell the ocean in the air…

I heard the seagulls…

I woke up and stared at the ceiling…

Realizing that days pass by and I pass the days…

Disconnected.

So, I woke up and took a swim.

I was the only one there, in the early hours of the morning…

It dawned on me that I like my life the way I like to swim.

For someone who has such a deep love for the ocean, I am too frightened to get in it.

I can’t swim in ocean or lake water. It petrifies me.

I used to joke around saying I will know I have found the right man if he can get me to go into the water with him…

Now, swimming in a pool? I am natural born fish.

I feel at home in the water.

Only difference?

I have to be able to see what is around me, close by, underneath.

I realized this morning that this is how I approach life, too.

Love.

Relationships.

Business.

I wasn’t always like that. I used to love going in the ocean as a child.

It happened when I exchanged bliss for awareness…as all adults do.

I am thinking it is time for me to test new waters…to let go and risk the chance of swimming amongst things that frighten me…

And if something in life brushes up against me in the murky water…I can do just like I did when I was little- run and scream like a little school girl.

It is time to take some chances. Live outside the lines. Let go of some control…

Boredom is the desire to have desires…Tolstoy said that. I am feeling that now. For me to have new experiences, new desires, I have to approach life in a new way. That simple.

How about you?

Are there ways you can let go of some control and try new waters in life? Let new people in? Look at things from a new perspective?