Amy Venezia

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

1. The sound an “on the rocks” drink makes…

2. That my 4 year old nephew still demands to hear Coldplay before he goes to sleep at night…

3. As cheesy as it sounds, hearing “Don’t wanna miss a thing” this week and smiling because in my 30’s,  I feel that way about life…not a man.

4. The Mahi burgers from Taco Loco in Laguna Beach, CA – Oh, how I miss them…

5. A full tank of gas, clean sheets, a just washed car…new beginnings.

6. That when my Mom and I were going back and forth in a conversation yesterday, my nephew looked at my Mom and said, “Mimi, Aunt Amy is right. Now, stop talking.” I have never laughed so hard in my life…

7. Dancing around my living room…:)

8. Having one of my friend’s say my back side is “ba- dunka- dunk” and that I actually took the time to go to the Urban dictionary to see what it means…

9. Hearing from my readers…

10.  Steak and frites and that soon it will be Rose’ time again…oui, oui.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

The TEN things I LOVE on this THANKSGIVING!

1. The health and love of my family. I do not take for granted the fact that through our many differences and individualities- our hot headed passion and ability to go from a heated argument to a hug in ½ second flat…that we LOVE each other. And that we are all here and healthy enough to show it…

2. My friends- I am blessed with loving and inspiring friends- Sheri, Deana, Chris, Amber, Joe, Margaret, Scott, Sherman, Allam, Alice, Nirvana, Dave, John, Brent, Coby, Dina, John F., John M.,  G girl…these are people that touch my life on a continual basis in one way or another…I want to say thank you- for sharing your heart and your uniqueness with meJ and for those of you I didn’t mention…love you just as much.

3. That I can look back to last year and see that I have grown, I can count miracles on both hands, I can relive magical moments that left me stunned and humbled, I can say  that I truly loved and was truly loved.

4. That every day I have food to eat, hot and clean water, I have a warm bed and transportation.

5. That I am wealthy. I have the treasure of the love in my own heart- and life has come to show me that no matter how much I give out or how much is taken? I still have more than enough. I’ve got diamondsJ – from years of refining…for this? I am grateful.

6. Romance and sensuality. That I am blessed enough as a woman to have it pulse through my veins. That I am open enough to ride its wave instead of hesitating or waiting for something less intimidating…

7. My teachers. Those who have come disguised as heart breakers, betrayers, gossips, liars, disloyal…You did not go unnoticed by me, as brilliant and loving co-creators- showing up in what would have to be the most uncomfortable way to you- offering me a lesson that only brought me closer to beauty and truth. Thank you…

8. That I can fall and there is something so deep in me…a warrior- that knows the assault or the trip up is part  of the strategy…something set long before I was in existence- that allows me peace in knowing whether I am flat on my face or standing with my head up? There is  perfect opportunity to choose freedom- even if I am tastin’ dirtJ…

9. I love the animal kingdom and nature- both teach me and make me smile everyday.

10.  I love that I am on # 10J

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Where is my mojo?

Where- oh- where is my mojo?

I sat at dinner last night with an old friend-

We spoke of life-

Career… writing… sports…all the things in the works…

Then he asked me when was the last time I was on a real “date”-

“Real” meaning I was actually into it- because I can go to dinner with a friend and find out a week later he is saying we went on a date- when I just considered it dinner.

In my book, the book of Amy V, for dinner to be considered a date there is a kiss for dessert~

No Kiss? It’s not a date.

He then asked me, when was the last time I got laid?-

Well, both answers surprised him- as much as it surprised me when I had to search back in my mind and actually count in my head…

Too long-

Way too long-

I am picky- to a fault I suppose.

That is one reason- another is the last time I was interested was a complete disaster- and I think the residual energy from that train wreck has played with my head a little- closed my heart a lot.

I sat talking with him about it- being on what I consider a streak of “bad throws”-

My pitch is off.

Period.

I see it- I feel it- and now I have a slight head trip because of it.

One thing I realized when talking it out with him is that when you lose your fastball-

When you can’t bring it anymore-

That is when you learn how to pitch-

When you become a student in the game- refine the art.

I see that through this little game of “Where’s mojo?” I have started learning a lot about myself- what I really do want- what I don’t want to do again- what I would like to see in the next phase of my life.

Yes, I am learning.

And all though it sounds cocky- this is the first time in my life of experiencing being a little “off” in my game-

Mojo is off- Oh -I have lots of guys calling- just none that I want. I have been attracting all the ones I don’t want and not the ones I do want.

My velocity is MIA-

And unlike athletes, I can’t go around rubbing DMSO on myself~(DMSO is a stinky miracle cure substance athletes use to cure anything and everything)-

In spite of what most people assume of me- I am not a random hook up type of woman-

My friend asked me- “Have you ever considered that maybe guys are a little intimidated by what you do for a living- especially feeling that they have to be on top of their game in the bedroom?”

I answered that I had never considered that~

I then replied back to him “I have just as much pressure on me. If the guy reads my writing and has this little image in his head that I am a Sex Goddess riding naked on a horse on the nights of a full moon…”

We sat- one scotch after another- discussing my predicament.

He asked if there was even anyone on my radar-

I told him yes- there is one that I have considered wanting to get to know better.

“ Well, why don’t you then?”- He asked.

“Because I am not going to pursue him- and he hasn’t taken it further yet.”- I answered.

“Amy, it is 2009. Ask the guy to do something- go to a movie. Dinner. A drink. Coffee. Anything!”

“Nope! Not gonna do it. Last time I did that was the train wreck- not going to be the aggressor this time.” I firmly replied.

“ What if last time was just the wrong person and this time is the right one?” He asks.

I looked at him and said “You sound like a woman! You’re making my head spin more than the scotch. I learned from the last time I went for it that it shouldn’t be that difficult. It is simple. If a guy is interested he goes after it. I see that now. Even if he is intimidated- if he wants it bad enough he will work through that intimidation.”

My friend looked at me with a smile and said- “Man do you need to get laid!”

That made me laugh-

Despite my off game- and I know it sounds like I am complaining- I am learning. Breaking it down- realizing some things.

And that can never be a bad thing.

When your fast ball is gone- there is a purpose. It will come back. And when it does?

It comes back better than it was before-

The important thing is you keep throwing- because the next pitch could be “game on”:)

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. “-
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)


I saw a movie this weekend that made me laugh as well as made me cry-

“Into the wild”- If you haven’t seen it – rent it.

There were parts of me that could totally relate to the young man in this movie- based on a true story.

In the day and age we are living- there are signs all around us that things are changing-

This can’t be denied no matter how stubbornly ignored-

I guess the choice is to keep lying there pretending to be asleep-

Or get up and move along with the changes.

And one of those changes is the illusion of security in the pursuit of the American dream-

I have lived a full life- on top, at the bottom and everything in between-

One year I have been on a yacht in the South of France drinking Cristal-

The next I have been one step away from sleeping in my car.

I have gone from having it all-

To having one dollar in my pocket-

Literally…

Driving up to a stop light in my brand new Audi A6 with two bucks in my purse looking into the eyes of a homeless man- knowing that those $2 were all I had to my name- because things change- and in a blink of an eye you can go from paying things easily- to losing sleep over how you are going to hang on to everything you have accumulated-

And so- that is when you let go- like hanging off the edge of a cliff-

In some strange way- the free fall feels like relief- even though you know you are going to crash down into something that is going to hurt like hell…

On that day- the only thing that stood between me and that homeless man was empty space and a fancy car I could no longer afford- we were no different.

That is what happens sometimes when you are self employed- when you choose creative freedom over corporate safe housing- happens sometimes even when you think you have the security in working for another-

When you choose your heart over the comfort of a lifestyle you have been accustomed to most of your life. That and maybe some less than wise decision making- although it seemed wise at the time…

I don’t share this “story” with many people-

Simply because I believe it to be just that- A story… One that doesn’t define me as a person.

And I, through my ups and downs- have learned that money and possessions do not identify a person.

Therefore- instead of sharing those times- I simply share how I have come to learn something about myself-

Something I can say I am proud of when I look in the mirror- and it is not my accomplishments or traveling the world- or the times when I have a full bank account-

But rather, that I learned that I could be happy in the most trying times in life-

That at the end of the day- I was still me-

Maybe it was broken hearted me- or penniless me- or hopeful where there was no evidence to support that hope me-

Whether my car had heated leather seats and Jimmy choo adorned my pedicured feet-

Or I sat eating a taco from taco bell because that is the change I could scrounge up at the bottom of my 5 year old purse…

I was still me- every morning, every night and all the moments in between.

“ The core of spirit comes from new experiences”- Into the wild

Even the experience of losing it all-

All it takes is one little question- A self exam of sorts…

Who am I without the things I have attached so much importance upon?

Where does love land on my list of priorities in life?

First? Last? Somewhere in the middle?

Is money, success, position, accolades and hollow connections with friends and lovers that are there when all these things are present- yet disappear along with these things when they dissipate?

When is the last time you let love in?

When you connected with someone or something that moved your heart in such a way that a place in you awakened – a place that you haven’t felt in ages-

A love that sheds light and opens doors to rooms in your heart and mind that have been closed up- locked up and forgotten?

Money- possessions- positions- titles- success- accomplishments- the big cars and living like a rock star-

These are all beautiful things- yes… and we are meant to have them and enjoy them to the fullest.

But there is one thing none of these things can ever replace-

Love-

You can’t make them love-

And if there is no light on when you get home from your hard and long day-

No smile to greet you -

Or maybe a whole family of smiles to greet you that you no longer can connect with because your heart is no longer one that you own- but rather a heart that is the slave to work, time and mundane routine to get the bills paid-

What then is the meaning to life? If your life is based and built upon a foundation that can disappear in a second of time?

Like when I lived in Laguna Beach, CA , I used to look at the houses being built or remodeled on the cliffs- those people couldn’t insure their homes because of the probability of slides-

So, million dollar structures being built on a gamble- with the hopes that the inevitable will hold off for one more day…or maybe a lifetime.

Deep talk- I know…

But worth the time to contemplate-

My last post I wrote about camels…

This time I want to write about penguins…

I struggled with whether or not I was going to write this little piece this morning. I mean, what does a girl who writes about love and romance think she is going to write about sports? But it has been on my mind since I turned my T.V. off last night.

So when I came to Starbucks this morning to get my crack in a cup and sit and try to write something I was not the bit surprised when the guy in front of me bent over, revealing his boxers…which happened to be covered in penguins.

No, I was not staring at his backside. He was literally inches in front of me and the abrupt toe touching maneuver he did caused me to notice… in case you were wondering.

Last night’s game was amazing to say it mildly. There really aren’t new adjectives I could use to describe it. I even called my parents and woke them up so they could witness it. I found myself yelling and cheering to the extent that my neighbors, smoking outside on the fire escape were laughing at me. And I am not one to watch hockey on T.V.- I like to go to games but it has been years since I have gone to a hockey game.

My mom and I were just having the discussion the other day about pro athleticism… she made the comments of how it bothers her a little how they are worshipped as gods… paid how much money when our teachers are paid so little… she had a valid point. Though my mom loves her Titans…

I tried to explain to my mom that, in my opinion, the reason pro athletes are worshipped as gods is because we see “God” in them.

Bear with me on this…

We witness in athletes the perfection of every human on this planet that has ever been and ever will be. The brilliance of the mind and its ability to be like a laser beam of intended focus. Like a rocket being launched at full speed, not from the past and not from the future but from the moment.

The way all of us have the ability to live and create in our worlds; yet we choose to see the brilliance in another instead of owning that brilliance in ourselves.

Petr Sykora called his score last night. He told the news caster he was going to score. That alone is the most unadulterated, purest example of the power of the mind and its ability to focus and call forth that which it has decided will be. I actually had tears in my eyes and gratitude for this man who had the moxy to state to everyone watching, “I am going to score!” No hesitation. No doubt. No fear of what would happen if he didn’t. How he might look. Or the disappointment he might face in himself.

No… he said it. He believed it. He did it.

It is odd how with the human condition it has become acceptable for a majority to live lives as the effect and not the cause… as the prisoner to circumstance and conditions, separated from our brilliance than to own the power to change our lives from whatever place we may find ourselves to be.

I wrote an analogy how life is a garden… well in that analogy pro athletes are the masters of their gardens. They are the masters of their minds. There is no room or place for the mental junk that accompanies most everyone else’s minds on a daily basis. They stand vigil at the door way of their thoughts. Like warriors, the fight doesn’t happen in the game, it starts way before that. And think about it, if you know you have the power and control of your mind… what then is there that is out of your reach? What heights are too great for you to climb? Who then can be against you? No one…

You see, because that is the grand illusion in this dream of life we are all living… No one “out there” is ever against us… it is our own mind that is the boogey man in the closet… the monster under the bed… and when we finally do have the courage to open that closet door or peek under that bed and face our fears, we find there is nothing there to fear at all.

I can’t speak for an athlete, but I would bet that they know it is not their opponent that they face but rather themselves.

So, as I was watching last night’s game I had a flash in my mind of the Roman coliseum… and how for centuries and centuries we have been entertained by the feats of man and the thrill of the outcome of someone with all odds against them pulling it off!

What would the world be like if every person got this excited about their own lives, dreams and abilities?

I wonder…

What the world would be like if we placed ourselves on the same pedestal we place our athletes?
Looked at their example and found the part of us that is that focused, that committed and therefore that brilliant in our own moments of time.

If we can see it in another, we have it in ourselves…

I know for myself I am going to practice this today… I might even call my shot…

Just say it… believe it… do it!

How about you?

http://www.aphromesiac.com/

Imagine this…

You have planted a garden and one day you come out to check on your garden and you see that overnight weeds have begun to sprout up all over. Choking out any hope of the newly planted and sprouting seedlings you have so carefully tended to.

Would you be frustrated? Yes!

Would you even be angry? Most Likely…

But would you ever sit there and waste your time either:

A. Yelling at the weed, blaming the weed, attacking the weed verbally, demanding the weed remove itself…ect…

B. Pacing in circles sucked into a whirl wind of emotions wondering how this could possibly have happened, analyzing to death why the weed showed up? How could it do this to you?

C. Or simply turn your head away, go about your business and pretend as if you don’t see the weeds or the destruction that is occurring because of your perpetual ignorance of them? Simply walk away from your garden because it is too much work?

No. If you are a gardener wouldn’t you take responsibility for your garden? Get right in there and pull those weeds out by the root? Or study and research the latest and best solutions out there that will not only remove the weeds but also protect the environment of the life growing in your masterpiece? Would you give up and throw in the towel just because there is the absolute likelihood that weeds and rodents and plant eating insects will show up and have to be handled appropriately for your garden to thrive?

Life is like a garden. Your life is your garden. Every day you plant what you are expecting to harvest, whether you are consciously choosing it or not. Every thought is a seed. Every dream is a seed. Every desire is a seed. Every action is a seed…

Love is a garden…

The people we experience are either the sunshine and the rain needed for growth or the weed needed to be removed so our hopes and dreams have room to take root and sprout through the soil to the sun.

I just had a situation myself as I am writing this…

And it made me smile, because it is so very clear and simple to me now. I take responsibility for my life; my garden. I can’t sit and take vigilance over every single thing that might enter or could be a threat to my creation. I can only choose what I think and do once I recognize something in my garden that doesn’t belong. And it doesn’t belong because I say it doesn’t. I have a clear picture and vision of what I want and that which doesn’t help my desires I take responsibility for; by simply acknowledging its presence and taking proactive measures to insure my life/garden in every way is growing toward my aspired direction.

It is freakish what we human beings do to each other. Our sticks and stones and defenses and blame mechanisms… and as we are fighting, throwing fists at the air, our life is waiting for us to come back to it. To take our focus off the why and how and place it on the- what can be done now to be closer to the harvest of our dreams?

Letting go of the blame in exchange for the solution; beauty for ashes…

Have you tended your garden lately? Done anything about the reasons why it might not be thriving the way you had once planned it to or hoped it would? Do you remember what you even planted in the first place?

Are you still the gardener? Have you given up or given that responsibility over to another?

Life is a garden. Love is a garden…

What’s in your garden?