Amy Venezia

 

Hey people…

 

If you really believe there might be an Anti-Christ…

 

Maybe stop looking at Obama and others…

 

And start looking at technology.

 

That is my humble opinion…

 

Facebook may just be the Anti-Christ:).

 

I sat at dinner last night and for whatever reason, had antenna like capabilities to hone in and hear the conversations around me…more than usual-like some kind of super human power.

 

Maybe my senses were on overload last night…maybe that intuitive, scarily psychic part of me came out full force…

 

I don’t know, all I know is it hit me like a bolt of lightening…

 

The new “love” is CONTROL.

 

Every conversation I heard was about game- About manipulation- About coming out on top- About deceiving- About control- About ego.

 

To the girl sitting next to me talking about how hard she had played the guy down at the end of the room…to her friend saying in return, “ Guys love that …”

 

To the guy next me telling his friend that he waited two days to text “her” back…and his friend replying, “Good man, make her wait for it.”

 

To the musician standing in front of me with all his narcissistic babble talking about if LA calls him he has to go because music is his only lover…he isn’t going to get tied up to some bitch that takes his concentration off of that.

 

Everyone on their Iphones.

 

Everyone texting.

 

Everyone so egocentric that they pretend they are listening to the person in front of them…when in reality they are only thinking about their brilliant response they will interrupt them with.

 

I heard a girl talking to another girl about all her guy issues and the moment the other girl tried to talk about her own, the first girl paid her no attention and interrupted her to start talking about herself again.

 

We’ve stopped connecting with nature…now we connect with the internet.

 

We’ve stopped picking up the phone to call someone to say we are thinking about them…instead we text or hit them up on Facebook or we tweet…

 

We have these little quick fixes like a junkie shooting up…and we use it to stay high…and feeling wanted…and playing the hide and seek game…we use technology to shoot us up every second with some form of excitement and adrenaline rush of the who is going to end up texting first….will she text back?

 

Last night how much energy I witnessed wasted on, “He was cold in his reply…what do you think that means? You think he is into me?”…or “She didn’t reply…she must be out…I text her two minutes ago!”

 

We used to have to send a hand written letter on horseback to ask someone if they wanted to come to dinner three days from now!

 

Now, we know each others each and every move…the people we are dating…the people we want to date…our friends…

 

And because of that, each and every one of our moves have become contrived.

 

Like all of us have got the fame bug…we are superstars being watched and our next post needs to be a little more witty than the last…and why is no one liking what I just said…

 

We are the definition of vanity…in love with our own reflections…everything we communicate being done so we can get the response we want…our little fake intimacy quick fix…

 

 

I came home and I literally got on my knees in the middle of my living room and I prayed for some understanding.

 

I don’t recognize the world I am living in today.

 

I don’t.

 

It breaks my heart that the parts of me that used to be so tender…so open…so passionate… I am having to fight with everything in me to stay alive…in me.

 

Why?

 

I am looked at like I have three heads because I don’t want to play games in communication. I don’t want to play hide and seek. I don’t want to deny someone affection because it is too soon…or I will lose control and he will be on top then…or because I should keep it to myself because that person doesn’t deserve my time…

 

Anyone hear me?

 

Why are we doing this to ourselves?

 

Denying love. Hiding behind our insecurities by portraying egotistical, narcissistic -I am going to be the winner at the end of this, choices and actions.

 

Everytime we withhold love from another we are withholding it from ourselves first and foremost.

 

That is why this world is turning into a heart of steel.

 

Where are the Tolstoy’s? The Oscar Wilde’s? The Rumi’s? The Davinci’s? The Mozart’s? The Shakespeare’s?

 

Justin Bieber? Ke$ha? Paris Hilton?

 

This is our world today.

 

On my knees last night… I asked for help- for help in not dying inside. I feel like I am in some kind of tug of war…just like back in elementary school and I see my self moving forward inch by inch…getting closer to that pit that I will fall in because I am getting tired of fighting…

 

That is just me being honest here.

 

Where is love anymore?

 

I could run off to some part of the world…or some spiritual sanctuary where I could feel the earth’s heartbeat again…

 

I could do that.

 

But I don’t want to.

 

I want to see my world wonderful again…

 

Led by love and a heart.

 

I want to witness those around me let down their pride and ego and touch someone else…for love’s sake.

 

I want to try, in the midst of a world that is drying up, to be the best LOVE I can be…

 

I am just as guilty…I have fallen into it myself, in ways.

 

The internet has many beautiful attributions to society…I wouldn’t be able to post this right now…or connect with so many people.

 

But we have become a society addicted…overloading…no balance…and our hearts are suffering because of it.

 

Where are we seeing the result of this? In our arts…our music…or marriages…or relationships…violence…intolerance…disconnection…greed…wars.

 

Check in with your heart today…just say hello to it. Take ten seconds to focus on your heart…connect again.

 

If we all did that…if we passed this along and all of us did that today at some point…

 

Would you do that?

 

I will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh what a week.

 

I took a ride on an emotional rollercoaster  and when it stopped…only learned that I…well… have more to learn.

 

Sometimes I think this whole dance between men and women is nothing more than just that…a dance.

 

Twirl around…masquerade…switch partners…curtsey…get close…pull away…

 

Dance all night until the sun comes up…

 

Sit this one out because you no longer want to…

 

Dance.

 

There are some people you get with that your rhythm is perfection…no toe stepping…no awkwardness-

 

Just smooth moves…intertwined…you just intuitively know the next step…you can feel what the person is going to do next…

 

Then there are those people you get with and there is struggle…you hold that person’s hand and laugh off the awkwardness…you step on their feet and apologize over and over…but you still try…because the chemistry is enough to want to stand close enough to feel them…

 

Then there are those people that you know as soon as your essences collide that it is the most unnatural moving…contrived…not enjoyable…’when is this song ever going to end so I can get the hell out of here’ type of experience.

 

At the end of it…it is still just a dance. Where you , the other person in the equation, has full choice and power over your experience.

 

I think no matter what, it comes down to this one thing…

 

Keep dancing.

 

This is what life is about. Failing and seeing parts of yourself you need to clean up…seeing parts in another you need to find compassion for…since most likely the reason it bothers you is that you have the same parts…just in your blind spot.

 

Dance…no matter what happens in your life or how screwed up things become in this society…once the music stops? We will stop existing…I truly believe that.

 

A life without music and without the touch of another…without those awkward toe stepping moments…without that sensual, perfect,  in-sync rhythm with each other…life without these experiences is no life at all.

 

Don’t just sit on the sidelines…get in there…because the longer you sit…the more difficult it becomes to hold out your hand to a stranger and take that step to the center of your heart…

 

Hope you dance…

 

 

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

 

 

1. Those moments when dancing kicks self awareness’s a@# to the curb…and the random moments with friends that lead up to that.

 

 

2. Music. My only true romancer.

 

 

3. Dogs. I truly believe they are higher evolved in heart than humans.

 

 

4. When you look up and see someone staring at you…and your heart skips a beat like a scratched CD…I love that.

 

 

5. The fact that I wore open toed heels last night, goodbye bitter winter.

 

 

6. As per above, realizing that living  in a place where there are seasons can be the best evolution for a soul- let your “leaves” fall  in your world, let go, and they will return.

 

 

7. Laughing so hard that the people around you can’t help but laugh too…so, I guess that would be contagious laughing~ the only good kind of contagious.

 

 

 8. Riding the wave of inspiration, seeing it through, kind of like a midwife…bringing an idea into this world. No greater high.

 

 

9. Feeling beautiful…and not only on the outside.

 

 

10. Hope~ it is like your favorite star you look for every night…sometimes the clouds come and it can’t be seen- doesn’t mean it went away…just means believe…that is what I think of Hope. Just believe and it will appear again…

 

 

HAPPY FRIDAY! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know my friends are expecting me to write something sarcastic about Valentine’s Day-

 

 

 

Like it is a holiday only celebrated by Douche bags and Douche baguettes.

 

 I don’t have anything against romance and love. In fact, I live my life everyday romancing myself

 

I will buy myself flowers. I will get a beautiful bottle of Bordeaux and some dark chocolate and put on some Otis Redding, just for me. I will go and buy myself something from Victoria’s Secret…just for me.

 

 

I guess over the years, I learned to start doing it for myself instead of expecting it from someone else.

 

 

I am a huge believer in romance.

 

 

What I am not a believer in, is seeing men perform like circus acts on the 14^th of February.

 

 

OR seeing women do something for their men that could be considered a “special treat” because it is Valentines Day.

 

 

I was talking to a married guy friend of mine and Valentine’s Day was brought up in the conversation.

 

He was genuinely excited about the day and I sat there thinking, “Wow…this is the first man I have seen really getting  into it.”

 

My bubble of delusion was burst minutes later to find that what he was excited about was getting a steak and (how can I say this lady like?)….his wife visiting the land down under…and I am not talking about Australia.

 

 

I have always wondered why men don’t catch on and make their lives better for themselves.

 

If they get that on February 14^th their women show up for them in ways they would like her to show up all the time…maybe they should take a look at why.

 

And maybe women should take a look at why they feel like being more sexy and demonstrative of that on February 14^th.

 

 

Could it be if men took the time and initiative to practice their romance skills throughout the year, women would take the time to give men what is important to them?

 

Women compare men to dogs all the time…but even dogs get that when they are rewarded for something they want to do it again.

 

Men want to be Kings of countries and providences…of their work and what they put their hand to…but Romance King? Don’t really see a lot men going for that crown.

 

And women…don’t want to take the time to learn what men like and what they really want. No…most women want men to mimic them sexually and tell themselves over and over that “some men” are like that, but not their man.

 

 

What comes first? Who gives in? Is that what  Valentine’s day…the mass propaganda Valentine’s day marketed by Hallmark and Jewelry stores really represents?

 

 

Do I want flowers and to be taken to a nice dinner? Sure…what woman doesn’t?

 

 

I would just prefer it to be on June 11^th or September 21^st…instead of the predictable- do it because if I don’t I am gonna be a total tool- February 14^th.

 

 

In my twenties I truly cared and expected the tap dance performed on VDAY. I bought into it and it mattered to me.

 

In my thirties, what matters to me is giving to myself first and foremost the kind of romance I expect from a man.

 

And, learning about men and being open enough to accept what I learn. Not only accept, but respect it.

 

In my thirties, I would rather show my love and adoration for someone in the moments when my heart feels so overwhelmed, I have to let it out. And I hope that those moments are often, not only on a day in February,

 

There… that wasn’t too jaded was it?:)

 

Happy Valentine’s day- make it last all year long!

 

 

The TEN things I LOVE on this THANKSGIVING!

 

 

1. The health and love of my family. I do not take for granted the fact that through our many differences and individualities- our hot headed passion and ability to go from a heated argument to a hug in ½ second flat…that we LOVE each other. And that we are all here and healthy enough to show it…

 

2. My friends- I am blessed with loving and inspiring friends- Sheri, Deana, Chris, Amber, Joe, Margaret, Scott, Sherman, Allam, Alice, Nirvana, Dave, John, Brent, Coby, Dina, John F., John M.,  G girl…these are people that touch my life on a continual basis in one way or another…I want to say thank you- for sharing your heart and your uniqueness with meJ and for those of you I didn’t mention…love you just as much.

 

3. That I can look back to last year and see that I have grown, I can count miracles on both hands, I can relive magical moments that left me stunned and humbled, I can say  that I truly loved and was truly loved.

 

4. That every day I have food to eat, hot and clean water, I have a warm bed and transportation.

 

5. That I am wealthy. I have the treasure of the love in my own heart- and life has come to show me that no matter how much I give out or how much is taken? I still have more than enough. I’ve got diamondsJ – from years of refining…for this? I am grateful.

 

6. Romance and sensuality. That I am blessed enough as a woman to have it pulse through my veins. That I am open enough to ride its wave instead of hesitating or waiting for something less intimidating…

 

7. My teachers. Those who have come disguised as heart breakers, betrayers, gossips, liars, disloyal…You did not go unnoticed by me, as brilliant and loving co-creators- showing up in what would have to be the most uncomfortable way to you- offering me a lesson that only brought me closer to beauty and truth. Thank you…

 

8. That I can fall and there is something so deep in me…a warrior- that knows the assault or the trip up is part  of the strategy…something set long before I was in existence- that allows me peace in knowing whether I am flat on my face or standing with my head up? There is  perfect opportunity to choose freedom- even if I am tastin’ dirtJ…

 

9. I love the animal kingdom and nature- both teach me and make me smile everyday.

 

10.  I love that I am on # 10J

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I had a dream last night-

Actually, I had two.

The first was just delicious… but that one is for me only:)

The second…

I was standing at a table that looked like something out of the “Last Supper” scene.

The table went on for miles- I could see no end to it- and there were literally thousands of people sitting and standing around it.

There was a feast on the table- not some food you would see back in the Holy days…

No, this was food from more of the renaissance time… Whole pigs and wine everywhere. Giant turkey legs and chickens and soup bowls –

It actually looked really good…

I was just standing observing, watching the people as they sat next to each other.

Some were laughing. Some were kissing. Some were keeping to themselves. All were eating and drinking.

I watched as a man got up from his seat to go and speak to someone standing around the table-

I watched as someone came along and took his seat- I watched as eventually the man made his way back only to find his seat was now taken.

I remember watching his face as I read the frustration- then the inner conflict of whether he confronts and asks the man to move- then the surrender as he walked off and found another empty seat down at another part of the table. Shoulders sagging a bit as he walked away.

I stood and watched this for what seemed like hours in my dream.

I looked back down the table toward the man who had lost his seat, only to find him smiling and laughing with the new people he was sitting by.

Then I woke up.

I looked at the clock- 6:15 a.m.

“It is too early to have a philosophical morning Universe…” I thought to myself as I pulled the cover up a little further to keep in the heat that my body had so nicely been producing through the night.

No luck… I couldn’t go back to sleep.

So I lay there, eyes looking at the ceiling- knowing it wasn’t going to let me be, as it never has let me be since my first breath…

“Ok- what is it? What was that dream?”

There-

I had asked the question- now can I go back to sleep?

The answer came as quickly as I had asked it- from wherever answers make their way from-

As soft as an inner whisper…

“LIFE”

“That dream is “LIFE.”

I sat there going back through the dream- image by image-

A bit stunned as I began to realize the symbolism in what I had just experienced.

The table- the food- the wine- each person partaking- LIFE.

This was life-

One person gets up? Eventually that seat is filled again.

That person may eventually make his way back- only to find the seat taken.

He walks off a bit sad at his loss- but none the less the feast calls him to another seat- eventually he finds joy and laughter with the new acquaintances at his part of the table.

Forever interchangeable.

The feast or in this case “life” never ran out in my dream- seemed to be an endless abundance- celebratory in nature.

The players just changed.

And in my dream? They changed with ease. There was no crying- no blaming- no arguments.

No- it was as if everyone had their focus on the feast- the players or people seemed irrelevant.

They were enjoyed as they stayed and free to leave and move on to another part of the table at any given moment.

I laid there taking a little inventory of my life-

The seeming losses or times someone had gotten up from the “seat” next to me-

The times I had gotten up to move on to another spot at the table…

How would those times have been less painful if only seen from this view- the viewpoint I stood at last night in my dreams?

What I saw last night in my dreams was a life lived in complete freedom-

Freedom from attachment.

Complete focus on the feast- LIFE.

All the people around were feast companions and those standing further down the table? Possible future companions… adding enjoyment to the feast- adding passion and excitement- friendship and camaraderie.

All free to come and go- or stay… But-

FREE-

People come into our lives-

And it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

People leave too.

Painful, yes…

Sometimes we leave…

It is LIFE-

I look around, especially now at this time of the year-

I hear people speaking-

Of ones they have lost-

Of ones they miss-

Of ones they hope will return-

Of loneliness-

But in the feast of life- when you lift your head up and take a look ~

There are people all around-

Just waiting for an empty seat-

A casual hello-

A welcoming smile…

No-

I did not have Chinese food before I went to bed last night!

It really was quite the epiphany for me-

A little Monday morning epiphany:)