Amy Venezia

Oh what a week.

I took a ride on an emotional rollercoaster  and when it stopped…only learned that I…well… have more to learn.

Sometimes I think this whole dance between men and women is nothing more than just that…a dance.

Twirl around…masquerade…switch partners…curtsey…get close…pull away…

Dance all night until the sun comes up…

Sit this one out because you no longer want to…

Dance.

There are some people you get with that your rhythm is perfection…no toe stepping…no awkwardness-

Just smooth moves…intertwined…you just intuitively know the next step…you can feel what the person is going to do next…

Then there are those people you get with and there is struggle…you hold that person’s hand and laugh off the awkwardness…you step on their feet and apologize over and over…but you still try…because the chemistry is enough to want to stand close enough to feel them…

Then there are those people that you know as soon as your essences collide that it is the most unnatural moving…contrived…not enjoyable…’when is this song ever going to end so I can get the hell out of here’ type of experience.

At the end of it…it is still just a dance. Where you , the other person in the equation, has full choice and power over your experience.

I think no matter what, it comes down to this one thing…

Keep dancing.

This is what life is about. Failing and seeing parts of yourself you need to clean up…seeing parts in another you need to find compassion for…since most likely the reason it bothers you is that you have the same parts…just in your blind spot.

Dance…no matter what happens in your life or how screwed up things become in this society…once the music stops? We will stop existing…I truly believe that.

A life without music and without the touch of another…without those awkward toe stepping moments…without that sensual, perfect,  in-sync rhythm with each other…life without these experiences is no life at all.

Don’t just sit on the sidelines…get in there…because the longer you sit…the more difficult it becomes to hold out your hand to a stranger and take that step to the center of your heart…

Hope you dance…

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

1. Those moments when dancing kicks self awareness’s a@# to the curb…and the random moments with friends that lead up to that.

2. Music. My only true romancer.

3. Dogs. I truly believe they are higher evolved in heart than humans.

4. When you look up and see someone staring at you…and your heart skips a beat like a scratched CD…I love that.

5. The fact that I wore open toed heels last night, goodbye bitter winter.

6. As per above, realizing that living  in a place where there are seasons can be the best evolution for a soul- let your “leaves” fall  in your world, let go, and they will return.

7. Laughing so hard that the people around you can’t help but laugh too…so, I guess that would be contagious laughing~ the only good kind of contagious.

 8. Riding the wave of inspiration, seeing it through, kind of like a midwife…bringing an idea into this world. No greater high.

9. Feeling beautiful…and not only on the outside.

10. Hope~ it is like your favorite star you look for every night…sometimes the clouds come and it can’t be seen- doesn’t mean it went away…just means believe…that is what I think of Hope. Just believe and it will appear again…

HAPPY FRIDAY! 

I know my friends are expecting me to write something sarcastic about Valentine’s Day-

Like it is a holiday only celebrated by Douche bags and Douche baguettes.

 I don’t have anything against romance and love. In fact, I live my life everyday romancing myself

I will buy myself flowers. I will get a beautiful bottle of Bordeaux and some dark chocolate and put on some Otis Redding, just for me. I will go and buy myself something from Victoria’s Secret…just for me.

I guess over the years, I learned to start doing it for myself instead of expecting it from someone else.

I am a huge believer in romance.

What I am not a believer in, is seeing men perform like circus acts on the 14^th of February.

OR seeing women do something for their men that could be considered a “special treat” because it is Valentines Day.

I was talking to a married guy friend of mine and Valentine’s Day was brought up in the conversation.

He was genuinely excited about the day and I sat there thinking, “Wow…this is the first man I have seen really getting  into it.”

My bubble of delusion was burst minutes later to find that what he was excited about was getting a steak and (how can I say this lady like?)….his wife visiting the land down under…and I am not talking about Australia.

I have always wondered why men don’t catch on and make their lives better for themselves.

If they get that on February 14^th their women show up for them in ways they would like her to show up all the time…maybe they should take a look at why.

And maybe women should take a look at why they feel like being more sexy and demonstrative of that on February 14^th.

Could it be if men took the time and initiative to practice their romance skills throughout the year, women would take the time to give men what is important to them?

Women compare men to dogs all the time…but even dogs get that when they are rewarded for something they want to do it again.

Men want to be Kings of countries and providences…of their work and what they put their hand to…but Romance King? Don’t really see a lot men going for that crown.

And women…don’t want to take the time to learn what men like and what they really want. No…most women want men to mimic them sexually and tell themselves over and over that “some men” are like that, but not their man.

What comes first? Who gives in? Is that what  Valentine’s day…the mass propaganda Valentine’s day marketed by Hallmark and Jewelry stores really represents?

Do I want flowers and to be taken to a nice dinner? Sure…what woman doesn’t?

I would just prefer it to be on June 11^th or September 21^st…instead of the predictable- do it because if I don’t I am gonna be a total tool- February 14^th.

In my twenties I truly cared and expected the tap dance performed on VDAY. I bought into it and it mattered to me.

In my thirties, what matters to me is giving to myself first and foremost the kind of romance I expect from a man.

And, learning about men and being open enough to accept what I learn. Not only accept, but respect it.

In my thirties, I would rather show my love and adoration for someone in the moments when my heart feels so overwhelmed, I have to let it out. And I hope that those moments are often, not only on a day in February,

There… that wasn’t too jaded was it?:)

Happy Valentine’s day- make it last all year long!

The TEN things I LOVE on this Friday… just posted on a Thursday:)

1. That I just found out my nephew demands to listen to Coldplay every night while he is falling asleep…

2. When someone apologizes for an offense even though they don’t really have to…

3. The homeless man I saw yesterday who asked me for money- when I told him I had no cash on me he asked me if I could get him food then?- there was a Wendy’s close by- so I asked him if that would work?- He got a huge smile and said yes- as he proceeded to tell me he would like a triple cheeseburger, large fries, large sprite and a Frosty…thrilled my heart to hand that bag over to him… and the sprite… and the frosty too.

4. That nervous, giddy, stupid phenomenon that comes over you when you have a crush on someone…the kind that other people sitting next to you say is written all over your face.

5. Drinking in the afternoon, making love in the afternoon, sleeping in the afternoon- basically ANYTHING society says “shouldn’t” occur in the afternoon.

6. Rhythm and blues… baby makin’ music…

7. Chicken pot pie, chicken and dumplings, fried chicken…

8. The ocean- the sound, the smell, the feel, the look, even the taste…

9. Bald men- the ones who shave their heads on top of shaving their faces… makes me feel like they can identify with a woman who has so many things to shave…

10. My Mother:) It is her birthday today:)

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The TEN things I LOVE on this Friday-

1. The old man I see every day at Starbucks. He sits by the fire all day- one day I overheard him saying how much he loves the NY Times and how he just waits till someone leaves theirs behind… we now have a ritual- I buy the Times and just happen to leave it behind for him. Still don’t know his name…

2. My nephew’s smile…

3. When I hear someone laughing so hard that it makes me laugh…

4. When I find money in a coat pocket… even though I always say I am not going to forget I put it in there…

5. A Krispy Kreme chocolate cake doughnut- OK- maybe two Krispy Kreme chocolate cake doughnuts…

6. When someone says “Here you go Miss” instead of “Here you go Mam”…

7. When I catch a glimpse of the little girl in me when I quickly look up into a mirror… doesn’t happen all the time- but sometimes I can see her…

8. Pizza, chicken wings and beer from Sam’s…

9. Men… just men in general:)

10. Once in a while, when I go to sleep at night feeling the hard work of my labor- whether it be the ache of my back or not being able to keep my eyes open-knowing I put my hand to something and just “did it”!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!- Andy Rooney

How do I write something after that quote?

Brilliant…

80% of women are against marriage.

Where are all of them?

Almost every woman I know desires-if not secretly- to be married.

You know… friends that I can be at a Barnes and Nobles with and walk off for a little while and when I come back I find them lurking in the corner with a “Brides” magazine in their hand- even though I have been texting them for ten minutes asking what part of the store they are in…

Look of guilt on their face when they look up- as if they have been caught with a HUSTLER or something…

I sat writing the other day and the table next to me was a young couple- and I do mean young. They were meeting with the wedding planner and the bride’s mother was there as well-

I sat watching- I couldn’t help eavesdropping- as the discomfort of the soon to be groom was making its way over to me- whether I was having sympathy pains for this young man or not- I was feeling suffocated as I sat listening to the chit chat about cocktails and which song they will dance to.

The guy kept getting up every few minutes for the most mundane things- throw a straw wrapper away(as if that just couldn’t wait)- get more coffee(I think I saw him get up 3 times for that)- a couple of trips to the restroom…

I sat staring wondering how the bride to be was not picking up on the obvious discomfort of this man she “loved” enough to drag down the aisle…

Nope! She was in bridal la-la land – completely oblivious to her fiancee’s slow suffocation and obvious distraught nature. So was the soon to be mother-in-law. So was the wedding planner…

As if the estrogen had become so thick in the air it had created clouds of delusion- the talk of bride’s maid’s dresses and wedding favors like opium- creating some euphoric trip of a magic carpet ride that the groom- no matter how hard he was trying- just couldn’t seem to catch a ride on.

A motherly instinct came over me- I wanted to take him- shake him- and slap him a few dozen times- back to his senses.

I wanted to hold up a mirror and tell him to take a good look at the contorted mess that was now his facial expression and ask him- since when is this love?

Since when did ignoring the sirens going off in your body, heart and mind constitute love???

I have been there. I have done it. I ignored it. I paid for it.

What is this big rush to say “I do”-

People spend more time picking out a car or a stock option…

I am not against marriage-

I am against seeing a young man who looks scared shitless with no one- absolutely no one except for the stranger sitting at the table next to him even noticing or caring…

When this young guy looks up and looks me in the eyes as if I am the last person he is seeing before being dragged under- looking at me as if I have the life preserver to save him… hoping someone saves him…

I look at him as if to say- “save yourself- you have the power to do it- just decide to save yourself…”-

But he is too far gone…

I wouldn’t have told him “DON’T do it!”- I would have simply said, “DON’T do it until you are 100% ready…”

Marriage… a tricky subject- would you agree?

The Ten things I love on this Friday…

1. When I have one of those really “good” dreams- that make me want to force myself back to sleep again, just so I can keep dreaming it…

2. Taking a shower at the end of every day- and how good it feels to get into the bed smelling so good and feeling so soft…oh- and so clean!

3. Squirrels- I know… but as long as I can look outside and see what the squirrels are doing I am happy and free:)

4. An ice cold beer and raw oysters.

5. Hearing from someone who makes me swoon~

6. When a stranger takes the time to compliment me.

7. Looking at my 3 year old nephew and seeing that he has gotten my knack for “nicknames”- I am Aunt Booby- my father is Grand Uniqua- My mom is Tyrone… he has given everyone a nickname just like his Aunt Booby does~

8. That point in a night out when the spirits have kicked in and have me swaying to the music like a puppet master holding the strings:)

9. Cinnamon crunch bagels from Panera.

10. The first kiss…

Happy Friday!!!

Photo credit: http://www.sherioneal.com

I was out with some friends and we were discussing the relevance of the word – “babe”-

And no I am not discussing the pig raised by sheepdogs from the movie…

Depending on the individual and level of hope or desperation, the definitions can vary from nonchalant nickname to the life preserver thrown out to a single person drowning in their loneliness- with a lot of grey area in between to really f&%$ with your mind…

You see, my friend was into a guy and they were supposed to do something and he had to cancel last minute and called her “babe” somewhere in the duration of the whole thing.

I bit my lip- as I have been through the boot camp of “He is just not that into you”-

Just recently graduated from that boot camp several months  ago- I was a late student-

And I didn’t even read the book… No, I decided to dive into the work book called “life experience ” aka boot camp.

So, as we sat discussing the anatomy of the word “babe”- we all gave our opinion as to what the word means to us individually.

I was the last one in the giant booth to speak-

I said that I believed it to definitely be relative- For myself; babe is what my father calls me- so when someone calls me that it is endearing and heartfelt to me.

But then again, we are in the south where a name like babe, sweetie, darling and sweetheart are akin to the parsley that is served on your dinner plate- really serves no purpose except to make it more appealing…

My friend looked at me and said,

And wouldn’t you know it – the waitress replies, “How would you like that cooked, babe?”

There was a moment of silence and we all burst out laughing-

I looked at my friend and said, “See… relative.”

You see, through the “boot camp” of the last year I have truly come to see that there really are no excuses- all these free passes a woman is willing to give a man when he forgets to call, or doesn’t call, or is slow in making the first move…

Yes, things come up and plans will be canceled – but not through a text message!

If these things are happening it is a man’s Morse code that spells out, “You are in the top 100 things I should do, falling somewhere between getting the car washed and a prostate exam…Babe”

“Should” being the operative word-

Finally, 35 years into it, I get this.

I think I lived most of my life a little confused- seeing it all from a black and white stand point-

In not understanding men, I automatically assumed that if a man wasn’t feeling the same he would just come out and say it- clearly- because he is a man… and men are not afraid to be, well… men.

Until I learned how men are made- until I really, truly cared to learn about these fascinating creatures- I was always misunderstanding signals and was blind to truth.

Again- this was up until several months ago- when I took a step back and “got it”-

I went through my anger stage- of “why doesn’t a man just have the balls to tell the truth?”-

Then I got bored with anger- as it was really not changing anything and didn’t really make me feel any better.

So I decided to sit and evaluate what I have learned about men in this life-

Knowing how one of their main drives is to be the “ hero”- the solution- avoiding at all costs –
criticism of performance or choices.

Avoiding at all costs the ugly “C” word…confrontation.

The male ego…

It makes perfect sense as to why a guy, even a so called “jerk”, doesn’t want to be “that guy” -that has to take the time to say “ I’m not into you”.

The natural make of a man is to be the protector- not the bad guy.

So they just ignore it- like dust accumulating on the TV. or coffee table. Hoping it will naturally go away- she will eventually give up…

While the woman just makes more excuses- until she finally “GETS IT!!!”-

And to think all this started with the word “Babe”…