Thu Mar 22 2012
I am in the middle of the Master Cleanse. That means no food...yep, no food for days. I am on day four. The first two days were torture. Today I feel clarity.
I am amazed at how as I clean my body out of toxins, my emotional and mental bodies have started to do the same. The dreams I am having are amazing. I have always been a lucid dreamer, but these are so clearly accurate and directive as to what I am needing to let go of. It almost shocks me and at the same time, makes me look forward to sleeping to see what will present itself next.
One way I am gaining clarity is taking a look at how people have judged me or viewed me in relation to who I really am.
I am a kaleidoscope.
Since the forming of my personality, I have always carried this sort of air about me or belief would probably be a better word...and it is this:
I trust myself. I always have. My friends know that I have great will power. Some are amazed. When I want to let lose, I will. When I don’t want to , I won’t. No matter what is presenting itself to me. With this said, I have always liked to press the envelope in my life a bit. Example: I will dress to the nines. I will do myself up. I love being a woman. I love being sensual. I love the art of femininity. I used to like to go out. I don’t do it much anymore. I was a late bloomer with all that. Twenty five before I had my first drink or stepped foot in my first bar. By my thirties I had traveled to many countries. Stayed for month or two at time. So, I liked to fill some nights with going out with my girlfriends and celebrating life. I never let guys buy drinks for me. I never went home with a stranger. I like dressing up for myself, not for men or other people. Most of my friends know this, I dress up to go anywhere. It is an old art form not many women do anymore these days. Sometimes, that is looked at like an alien with three heads.
How I press the envelope(I am just becoming aware of this now) is that if you want to take a look at me and judge me in the first two seconds instead of taking the time to focus your eye and click...look at that...another view of me. Completely different than the last. If you are a person who can’t even take the time to A. not sum me up in a glance and have that define who you think I am. B. not take the time to see all the different aspects of me...my kaleidoscope called personality, traits, beliefs, faults, gifts, passions, positives and negatives- then you aren’t a person I will ever have in my life.
That is pretty much how I have lived life. I know who I am, if you can’t be the person who takes the time to learn who I am, why should I care what you think? Even though I do. One of my faults...
With my writing, I am an open book. Again, I know who I am. I am not afraid to talk about this human condition we are all in or about life or about the things most people try to hide. Again, my kaleidoscope. If you are not smart enough to know there are many more aspects to view, then you will only see me as one dimensional.
It baffles me when I have heard people at times tell me that the first time they met me or saw me they never imagined I am the person I am. I just don’t get that. I wear myself on my sleeve. Again, perception. It is your judgments that you put on me. Not who I am. This I am finally seeing.
Yes, I am a kaleidoscope and the funny thing is, so are you.
We are made up of so many different colored pieces, that due to reflections off of mirrors(the other person) create a pattern and an image. If you, the other person can’t open your mind and your heart to see past your fears and your judgments and your beliefs to “click” to another pattern...another brilliant display in that same person you are looking at and sizing up...you are not a person who loves and accepts yourself. If you did, you would know we are not one dimensional. You would know you are not one dimensional and because of that knowing, you would accept and not try to pin your assumptions like post it notes all over people.
The word kaleidoscope is derived from the greek words meaning “beautiful beauty, that which is seen and taken shape, to look to examine ”.
So, as a public person, I am learning to cipher out peoples jealousy, their close mindedness, their fears instead of taking it on for one second and carrying around that toxic ridiculousness that is so very high school in nature. Some people may call it becoming thick skinned. I call it taking out the trash.
To think you have a person all summed up is not only complete arrogance but utter ignorance. Yet, it is what we do every day as human beings to each other.
Next time you want to place a label on a person, gossip about them or just think a negative thought about them, remember this: We are all kaleidoscopes. Take a moment to just “click” to another view of the person and see what presents itself in that frame.
I don’t know about where you live, but most smaller cities are full of prejudices. You see someone out, you talk and whisper and judge. You see two people together, you talk and whisper and judge. You hear something about a person that is most likely not true at all....you pass it along to someone else. Complete ignorance and complete prejudice. This has been going on since the beginning of time.
As I clear out my life of things I no longer want to hold on to, this is one of them. I make a conscious choice not to assume anything about anyone and I take the time to see a person in all of their patterns, not just the initial view or the view I always get to see of that person. I will take the time to get to know, if I feel I need to make a judgment. If not, I won’t assume. I will just acknowledge that I don’t know that person. Therefore, I have no right to judge.
How about you?
I am a kaleidoscope. So are you. I think you're beautiful.