Tue Jan 3 2012
Vignette #4 from New Orleans: In whom or what do you trust?
No, this was not one of my words from a scrabble game last night.
I woke up this morning...got ready...walked my daily walk. Normally, before my coffee I am pretty much free of thought. Or...would not want to be judged on my conversations before intake.
I go up to the counter...order my americano with a smidgen of soy milk( I like to change it up...smidgen, pinch, sprinkle, morsel, dash..you get it) and I look at a flip calendar type thing that has a “word of the day”.
Fiduciary: held or founded in trust or confidence.
Even before my first sip...my mind was moving. I don’t like that. My mind moves enough throughout the day...I like its coma like stance it takes before caffeine.
Never the less..I asked myself the question, Whom and what do I hold trust and confidence in my life?
That is an open ended question.
Are we talking trust in how I know a certain person will show up? Trust in how I know something will turn out? Or absolute trust?
I used to be Pollyanna when it came to trust. It took years and many raking’s over coals to finally realize that you can’t always believe what people portray or say to you. I always thought or believed if people said something to you with absolute conviction, you could believe them. Dumb...but true.
At 37 years old there is not much I trust in. Except change. I trust that things will always change. That I change. That people can change.
And that is one thing that this trip is about. Pushing my limits. Not staying in a rut. Not going to the same places. Surviving in a city by myself. Pushing myself to write better than I have in the past.
One small way is some days I have my coffee from Rose...somedays I go to PJ’s...some days I go have breakfast somewhere and get it. I am a creature of habit and if I don’t consciously choose change...I will do the same thing over and over.
A creative can’t live that way. Not when you want to go beyond what even you think you are capable of. You have to choose change...and for me, that doesn’t come easy. But every time I do...I feel liberated...a little wiser...a little more inspired...a little closer to my heart.
Like today, I had eggs benedict. I don’t like eggs benedict...but I went to Stanley at Jackson Square and asked the guy what he suggested...that was his suggestion, so I got it. And I loved it.
That is what my 2012 is going to be about. Dropping old judgements. Trying new things. Expanding my horizons. Making my ability to adapt my fiduciary. One eggs benedict at a time.
How about you? Can you spare some change?