Vignette #2 from New Orleans: 37 chances later, Happy
Sat Dec 31 2011
Vignette #2
Lake Lawn Metairie Cemetery.
After a night of restless sleep, I woke up this morning to a layer of fog hovering over the streets. By 8 am I was walking down to Frenchmen for an americano, where I sat and watched people working in the streets...while I worked out the thoughts going through my head.
A year ago I sat with my friend Dina as she talked about how she wanted all of us, her friends, to go with her to New Orleans for New Years Eve.
A glass of wine or two in, I agreed whole heartedly. Sure. Why not. New Orleans for New Years. Whatever. Not even considering for one second whether or not I would ever truly come through with that.
Truth is, in all honesty, if Dina were still here...I probably wouldn’t be in New Orleans right now. She is part of why I find myself, on New Years, doing precisely the thing I jokingly committed to over a bottle of wine with her.
Today, I visited where Dina rests. A beautiful cemetery that already looked haunting and surreal enough, without the fog blanketing the tombs.
It blows my mind. It blows my mind that someone so healthy, so beautiful, so full of life is gone. In a split second. Instantly.
As I touched the sides of the cement mausoleum I tried to grasp it. That she, my friend, someone I had laughed and cried with...was in there.
It sounds odd, but the first thing that came into my mind was the insects I used to see growing up in Florida. I have no idea what they are called...but they would shed their outer bodies and you would look and see this shell standing on these hallow shell legs...with nothing in them. Just a casing that once held life.
There is nothing fun about coming to the realization that we, as humans, are just that. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can stay in your safe little bubble until you are in your later years...and then there are times when you lose someone dear to you while you are young and it all becomes clear. The fog rolls on through and reveals the truth...that we are not what we think we are.
I’m still working it out. But I do know this one thing...Dina touched more lives in her passing than we ever let her do in her living years. Though she tried...and man did she ever try...
This New Year...2012...that is my soul’s intent. To do now, all that I can. And live in that freedom here...while I am living...that I know she, my friend, is somewhere in. Where I am not all consumed with the “outer shell”. Where I realize I am more than this physical body...this personality named "Amy".
Though there is loss...though there are letdowns...though sometimes it really hurts...and sometimes we don’t know what is next...it is indeed a "Happy" New Year. It is a chance to wipe the slate clean. Start fresh. Take a second, third, and fourth chance. In my case, a 37th chance to get it better.
Not right. Better.
Happy New Year.
Comments
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yes, yes, and yes. bless you on your journey. and have fun along the way! (I know you will). proud of you.
Luther 2 months ago flg
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