Blind spots and sometimes silence is the only way to be heard.

Tue Dec 20 2011

If  you are being faced with behaviors or reactions/actions from others that you are not pleased with, you can rest assured you have, at some point, been doing that same exact thing...blindly.

 

Blind spots.

 

We all have them.

 

I have been working on and towards seeing mine. Finding a way to maneuver my perception enough to be able to see something my prior position had concealed. 

 

I have, since my conception, been a counselor of sorts. As a child, to my grown parents. In high school, every single excerpt written on my year book’s pages...thanking me for being that person everyone can go to...for what ever it is they receive.

 

Lately, I feel as if I am on a fishing boat and all my friends and loved ones are the fish just being let out from the net on the deck...floundering all around...frantic...panicked...needing help. There big eyes looking at me...

 

None of them seeing or even really caring if, I too, am floundering with the weight of my own life’s struggles. And it is times like these that I feel the only thing I have to give is prayer or sincere thoughts of well wishes. Anything else drains and depletes the energy I feel is already leaking at rapid rates...

 

Boundaries are hard to draw when people you love are in need. 

 

Driving along today...I told most of my loved ones I was turning my phone off for the morning...that I needed time to recharge and “be”. Before I could turn it off, my phone received frantic texts, calls, emails from people. Ignoring 100% what I had just said.

 

I spent the next 1/2 hour continuing to answer and try to help as I also tried to help myself by reiterating that I needed some time. 

 

No one listened. 

 

It is then that in frustration I turned my phone off as I frustratingly said out loud, “ Sometimes silence is the only way people will hear  you.”

 

I sat there for a few seconds overwhelmed. Angry. Frustrated. 

 

Why is no one hearing me???

 

Then, that inner guidance that always comes right when, truthfully, you just want it to shut the hell up...prods me enough to ask ...”How have you been doing this to someone else in your life?”

 

Blind spot revealed.

 

How many times have I not listened to a person’s needs or boundaries. Simply because I took them personally...or I didn’t understand...or I ‘needed’ them to be different...or I thought I knew better than they did?

 

How many times have I been selfish in the name of “love”?

 

My whole entire life. 

 

Every time I have gotten offended. Every time I have used my will and my needs to make someone do as I wish they would...either through guilt or a you owe me attitude...or even a “what you are doing is hurting me”  served up on a self-righteous platter.

 

I don’t do it all the time or even a lot. But I have done it.

 

Just recently I did it. I did not listen to what a person was saying or even saying by not saying...I did not respect the needs. Or what they were going through. 

 

How many times have you done this in life to your friends...loved ones...or even yourself? Not listened when someone withdrew a little. Or didn’t have the desire to be social because they needed space. Or yourself...feeling like what you would really like to do is turn off your phone and sink into the covers with a movie...but instead you drag yourself to that thing you committed to...ignoring once again the need for inner reflection?

 

Stop needing from others what you have the power to give yourself. Stop needing them to live the way you think they need to. Stop needing people to be the way you think they should be. Stop. Be still. Stop floundering. It is in that moment you will start receiving what it is you truly ‘need’...but it will come from within...not from without. You will know the difference...when peace replaces the feeling of anxiety and desperation. We have everything we 'need' within us...and the times we feel we 'need' anything from others...or a panicked urge to receive answers from others...is when we are being asked to look within the most. 

 

Blind spots. All it takes is to put yourself in a different position...and then you see...

Comments

• Wow! I can't tell you how loudly this rings true to me and at a place in time when I needed the reminder. Thank you!!!

  S 2 months ago flg

• Thanks for sharing so honestly Amy. We hear ya! I am so grateful that you encourage so many to reflect deeply on their lives and that you do so yourself. We love ya!

  Luther 2 months ago flg

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