Tue Sep 13 2011
It has been a long time since I have posted on here. Or taken the time to write something that didn’t have a deadline attached to it.
If you are wondering where I have been...I created and launched a new magazine.
You can check it out here: http://www.thedblstandard.com
I have been thinking a lot the last few days.
Another year coming and going...
More than ever I am seeing myself in different lights. Maybe because I have gotten to the place in my life where I really don’t buy into judgment anymore. That includes judgment of myself.
It is such a waste of time. I have always believed and never stopped believing in this one truth:
There is an end result for us all. At the end of this life and road. And there are thousands of roads that lead to that end result. The Master of all things created...created this: that no matter what we choose, no matter where we turn, no matter if we stall out and stand still for years, no matter how long we stay on a road...all roads lead to this end result.
And therefore, I have never truly understood the “mistake” mentality. Or the “people can’t change” mentality. Or the “make someone pay for what they have done” mentality.
We are all learning. We are all doing the best we can. IF we could do better, we would have the consciousness to do so...and therefore, we wouldn’t be able to choose less.
Back to seeing myself...
I am realizing parts I have played...do play. Acting like something is written in the stars, when deep inside I know I am pushing up against resistance. I know when things flow...have felt that magic in life on many occasions.
And yet I fight. For friendships, business, acceptance...
I have spent my whole life feeling different. Being different. My beliefs are different. My passion is different. I dumb down so I can fit in.
It is like lying on the grass with a person looking up at the stars...and spotting the one...and trying to point out that one star to the person lying next to you. There are millions of them. How can you make someone see what you see in a sky full of options?
The more someone judges me, the more I want to love. The more someone takes, the more I want to give. The more someone rejects me, the more I want to try.
But it is not of the heart to hold on. It is not of the heart to convince. It is not of the heart to not listen to what a person is saying or showing.
So many times in life we try to make people “fit”. Like pieces in a puzzle that almost are exact, but are not. They fit in...but they are not exact. There are spaces between the edges...and where there are spaces...there are divides. That allow fears and judgments and misunderstandings to come between.
When I think about the people that “fit”...nothing they could ever do would cause a divide. Nothing I could ever do would cause a divide. And where there may be small spaces between...we spend our time building bridges...not burning them to the ground.
It may be taking me a lifetime, but I am learning to take responsibility for every connection in my life. Friendships. Family. Business. Past. Present. Future. Love.
And in a world that is becoming more and more self -identified...I am learning all I want to do is love. If that means the person is in my life or not. Just love.
In the end, it is all there is.