laying-down-smile

 

 

 

“What exactly is ‘self-love’ to you Amy?”

I leaned back in my chair-

I had my laptop in the little covey of my living room window.

Candles lit and with the dim light of the computer screen, I could just barely see my reflection in the window.

It had been a long day. My hair looked like I just rolled out of bed…eye liner slightly smudged from the work out prior to the checking my emails.

I just sat and stared at my reflection and well….reflected.

I was being asked this question by a reader who had seen a comment I had written about “self love”.

Well, it certainly wasn’t what I was feeling looking at myself in that moment. All I was feeling was a shower coming on…

What a good question to ask…I thought to myself.

That is why I love to get correspondence from my readers- sometimes you make a comment or ask a question that gets me thinking and coming from a new angle.

Self-love has been an evolving thing to me over the years.

And I can only answer what it means to me from my place of relativity. For everyone it is different.

It is almost as difficult to put into a box or definition as “love” is.

When you begin to think about it or try, it is like pulling a thread from your favorite sweater…

You unravel the mystery enough to lose the tangible, solid form you were holding in your hands that you could pinpoint and say “Yeah, that is a sweater”- to a handful of thread that you can now do what you please with- make and mold into anything you want.

To me, this is what happens when I try to break down what self-love is to me.

When I get silent enough- the core of it means to me that I acknowledge the universal truth of who I am and who every other human being is too.

There is no human who has ever been born or who will ever be born who is devoid of the need to be loved when arriving on this planet.

We all want to be seen- we all want to be heard.

We all want a second chance- and a third and a fourth.

We all want our goodness to be acknowledged and our weakness to be accepted.

We all want to be forgiven seventy times seven and again…

If you think about it- this desire we have is the built in compass we all carry inside of us.

Some of us just have so much “junk” accumulated we can’t get to it anymore.

So the day I got to the core of this within myself- I realized that the reason I desire all these things, just like every other person on the planet , is because deep inside I know the “TRUTH”.

That I am a brilliant work of art- no matter what my spiritual beliefs are-

Even scientifically. To think of the perfection of this body, of all its parts, of my personality, there is never ever going to be another ‘me’ on this planet.

Never has been and never will be. Blows my mind.

Clarity, creativity, compassion and peace of mind are always present when I remember this truth.

So to me,  if it feels that good and the results are that positive- this must be a good road to travel down.

I have never, since I was a child, understood judging another human being.

I have gotten wrapped up in it at times. I have expressed criticism to those I love the most. I have lashed out and I am sure made someone feel less than loved at times.  

Every time I have ever caught myself lashing out like that has been a time I could visibly point out the pain I was in or the fear that had come up for me in that moment.

Always about me, never about the other person.

Every time I have ever done this, I have felt the sting come right back to me. It doesn’t feel good to blame and criticize- To judge and demean another. To automatically assume how someone might be off of their “personality” traits.

So, first I come to realize that just as I need love- so does everyone else around me. And when I extend love I get it back. Period.

Next, painstakingly I have come to accept my flaws.

That is a tough one. Letting go of the perfectionism.

When it comes to how much I have beat myself up over the years? I would make Mike Tyson look like a purring kitten…

As I was that hard on myself- guess what? So was everyone else around me.

In 35 years I have accepted the fact that what I give is what I get.

Period.

You can call it metaphysics or la la land new age-

Call it what you want but it is a scientific fact. A law of nature.

When I show myself love? Patience? Light heartedness? When I can laugh at my mistakes and give myself the benefit of the doubt?

I find that is what I am met with in my day from the girl who makes me coffee, to the banker taking my deposit to the dog I pass on the sidewalk.

You ooze love – love finds a way to ooze back to you.

Self- love to me is when I plan out dinner and go to the store excited and put just as much effort into as I would if I was making it for my lover…nice music. Light candles…beautiful bottle of wine- yet it is just me attending. That is self- love to me.

Self- love is when others want to keep you down over a mistake supposedly made- having the guts to get back up off the ground and move on as if nothing even occurred.

The guts to let go of playing victim…of any belief or thought that undermines the totality of the miracle it is to be HUMAN.

Self- love is taking responsibility for my life and how I react to the ups and downs.

Self- love is not taking on another person’s opinion of who I am or what I can be.

Self -love is the only love that I will 100% have in my life until the day I leave this earth.

There is no other love outside of myself that I can say that with.

People come and go, relationships come and go, friends come and go, love comes and goes.

Self- love?

Forever…

 

Everyone feels good when they are considered to be a “good lover”…

 

Here’s a little tip…be a “good self lover” and you will never go wrong in that department:)

 

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 at 8:23 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.