Amy Venezia

BOREDOM:

·     the feeling of being bored by something tedious .

 

·     Boredom is an emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity or when individuals are uninterested in the activities presented to them. …

·     Boredoms (ボアダムス) (or, more recently, V∞redoms) is a noise rock band from Osaka, Japan. The band was officially formed in 1986 …

·     A chosen state of mind brought on by laziness and the firm belief that others are in charge of the so supposedly afflicted person’s own excitement …

 

So, I am getting my coffee yesterday,

And my cute Barista (I say cute because I know he is reading this, and well…he is cuteJ) asks me how my writing is going.

I explain to him I have a bit of writer’s block, which I am dealing with only in the way I know how, by ignoring it.

He suggests that I need someone to ask me a question that I can attempt to answer, hence moving through the block…

I ask him if he is volunteering the question to be answered.

He thinks about it and replies with this-

“The challenge I am facing right now in my relationship is a little boredom with it. What do I do about that?”

Hmmm… I grab my coffee- thank him for the subject suggestion and leave to go home and write.

Only to distract myself by calling my best friend to see what she is doing- a couple of beers and a frozen pizza later -I find that I am no further to answering his question than when he initially asked it.

Boredom, the root of all trouble.

Or maybe I should say the root of all change.

Let’s look at the definitions above, shall we?

Boredom- the definitions laced with words such as tedious, lacking, uninterested, laziness…

Oh, and a noise, Japanese, rock band- if only that could apply here.

What does a person do, once in a committed relationship, when boredom rears its little head?

And it will…at one point or another.

My first reaction is to look at it with complete logic-

When I get bored with anything else in life, how do I handle it to get a different result?

Well, let’s see…

When I am bored with writing, I simply put it down and walk away until I feel the draw back to it.

When I am bored with my workout routine? I stop going to the gym and opt for exercising outdoors.

When I am bored with a pair of shoes? I go and buy a new pair and eventually come back and wear the old pair again and viola’! I am no longer bored.

When I am bored with a drink, a type of food, a piece of clothing or hand bag… I simply stop, put it down and go on to something different.

One thing is for certain- in almost all the cases? I eventually come back to the old and enjoy it again.

Where did we ever get the idea that in every single other area of life it is normal to become bored and complacent, except in relationships???

Who told us this lie?

And who sprinkled that lie with a good dose of guilt and shame just in case we decided to question it?

If married or living with a person, we spend at the least, 10 hours of a 24 hour day with that person on average.

Tell me, who else, what else and where else do I spend that kind of time?

Besides work?

And we all know statistically how many people are miserable  with their work.

Resentful for having to fork over that many hours of a lifetime to something they don’t even love, much less like.

So are we supposed to just accept that this is the way love and relationships must be too?

And I wonder- is it men or women that become bored more quickly in a long term relationship?

Men have the natural hunter instinct- NATURAL- so when that is over and he comes home every day and she is just “there”- with no challenge or intrigue about it- where does he find excitement?

On the other hand, maybe women have it all figured out here.

You know how most women are rarely satisfied with the way their men are and are constantly trying to change them?

Maybe that is a woman’s way of almost guaranteeing a bored-free relationship.

Because chances are, the man is never going to live up to or change to the expectations set before him, and if he does? It is the woman’s prerogative to change them again… therefore it is always a “what if”…for the woman- a challenge- an unfinished, unfulfilled desire- which in turn is a constant underlined feeling of “maybe today”…something to look forward to.

Kind of like a cat and mouse game.

I don’t have the magical answers as to how to cure or even avoid boredom in a relationship-

Except for the common sense answer of taking responsibility in yourself for it.

The only way to cure boredom in anything is to switch gears and change it up.

There has to be change in order for boredom to go away.

Where there is change, boredom cannot exist.

I guess it depends on the individual as to how extreme that change needs to be.

Could be a simple slight shift in everyday routine.

Or less time together as to promote the absence makes the heart grow founder change…

Or, a change in activities.

Or, if you are a swinger, a change in partners-LOL…

 

To avoid boredom, you need to keep the change:)

What are your thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: boredom, change, dating, love, men, relationships, sex, women

This entry was posted on Monday, July 13th, 2009 at 9:18 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.