Amy Venezia

 

 

“ I want to tear you up like a piñata.”

“Excuse me?”- I responded back.

 

By this time I was over three sheets to the wind.

 

“What exactly does that mean?”- I said as I continued getting my salsa on…

 

“ I want to give it to you like a piñata.”- he replies looking me right in my eyes.

 

I burst out laughing only to look up and see no smile on his face.

 

This guy was serious?

 

I thought about it for a second and then dryly replied back-

 

“ Well, nine times out of ten the person misses the piñata completely…so I say the odds in that offer are not appealing to me.”

I politely excused myself from our dance and went outside to tell my friends the best line I had heard in quite some time.

 

Salsa.

 

I could literally go all night.

 

Which I found out from my guy friends is half of the sexiness to witness.

 

The stamina,  the exoticness, the sweatiness- the ability to move as one with your partner.

 

I started at 10 that night and lasted until the sun came out.

 

A person’s ability to dance says a lot about their skills in bed.

 

Take for instance- the first guy I danced with- good dancer and a friend.

 

But he looks everywhere but at you while dancing- can’t make the eye contact. Which to me?  Says he would be the same in intimacy.

 

Me? I am looking you right in the eye- I am reading your every move and melting into you.

 

I am a control freak in all areas of my life.

 

When I dance, I can let go.  I can be a woman.  I can let someone else lead me with no resistance- just complete surrender.

 

But then again what do I know?

 

I have strange philosophies:)

 

Such as, I think a woman who can parallel park well is probably a good lover- why? Because she is not timid- has confidence without doubt on how she can put it in its place and/or handle it.

 

Men who can rap? Good lovers… because it takes spontaneity and complete rhythm.

 

But I have to admit, the piñata line? It really made me think.

 

Just an hour earlier I was having a conversation with a good guy friend- him asking me why -oh -why am I  not dating anyone?

 

Most of my guy friends don’t understand.

 

I don’t expect them to.

 

They witness me and know I am not hooking up-

 

Contrary to some people’s belief about me.

 

Am I a flirt? Yes!

 

Am I affectionate? Yes!

 

Do I have a ton of guy friends? Yes!

 

But I am not getting it on with any of them.

 

I tried to explain to my guy friend that I have been in long term relationships my whole life.

 

The only term I am interested in now is Terminal A, B or C- what time is your flight?

 

That got a laugh out of him- at the same time a look of sadness on his face.

 

As if I was some stray dog at the adoption center not getting adopted.

 

He knows how often I get hit on.

 

He sees it- has had to get in the middle on many occasions when the guy takes my no as a secret sign to try harder.

 

I felt confident in my stance-

 

Then I get the piñata offer.

 

And no matter how much tequila my friends and I were drinking-

 

I still walked away feeling like an astronaut that has become disconnected from the space station just floating into the oblivion.

 

Where exactly am I? In life? When it comes to love?

 

I may reside at 101 Sex Drive-

 

But I am 100% quality over quantity,  so even there I am finding myself aloof.

 

Maybe aloof is the wrong word.

 

Apathetic.

 

I went out on a date last week-

 

Had a good time- good conversation-

 

Good -goodnight kiss-

 

Then I am not even home and I have a text message…

 

Then a few phone calls the next day-

 

And I think to myself,

 

When did I become the man?

 

And the men become like girls in my life?

 

One thing about getting your heart broken in a severe way-

 

No one will ever be able to hurt you in that way again.

 

I have been through a lot on this road of love and relationship-

 

If there were such a thing as love crimes (like war crimes)- well… the rap sheet of my loves would be a mile long.

 

And it is funny how your heart can be hanging on by a thread from a major love and loss-

 

And it is that person who you don’t even know or have anything with- that can do something hurtful that is the straw that broke…

 

I , in no way complain about this, for the first time in my life I feel complete – COMPLETE- gratitude for every experience I have had-

 

For every man who has taught me.

 

There is something completely freeing when you feel gratitude for the people who have taught you through pain.

 

When you realize it was not them- it was your lesson.

 

When you take responsibility.

 

I see it like getting a tattoo-

 

You are asking for the experience when you choose to get into a relationship with a person-

 

And it can be painful…and you will have the mark to prove it when it is all said and done-

 

But it was your choice in the first place- to give your heart- and at the same time to probably ignore the signs…

 

Just like it is your choice to get the tattoo.

 

And maybe that is where I find myself today-

 

 

I don’t want to play the game- to skate along the surface.

 

 

To a have a relationship like when your computer can’t connect to a page and it offers a cache page- a copy of the last time you visited that site.

 

A copy of the same type of relationship from before.

 

I love my alone time- I have to be alone in order to ground and grow and prosper.

 

And maybe that is why I cherish my guy friends so much.

 

When I need affection, a hug or a kiss- when I need male companionship in the form of conversation or just being-

 

They are there for me- they know I am never going to hook up with them,

 

But they are there for me.

 

They give me the love I need while I transition from the space station…to a black hole of the center of my being- until I get what I am needing to learn right now- only to be found again and brought home.

 

Whew- how did we go from getting it like a piñata to this?LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: dancing, hooking up, love, men, pinata, relationships, salsa, sex, sex drive, terminals, women

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.